A conversation with my menstrual cramps…

This month, today actually.  I am having particularly strong menstrual pains.

I decided to apply my technique (that I shared in a previous Facebook post) about tuning in and asking it what it needs.

Sounds almost crazy to something that one is almost accustomed to having each month?

Still I KNOW that as a Woman, I am NOT meant to be feeling these intense pains each month.

I thought about describing the feeling to someone who didn’t understand what they felt like, and it goes a little something like;

“It feels as though someone has grabbed a hold of my¬†uterus through my pelvis, also grabbing my lower spine while they’re in there, and is attempting to pull them both out through my pelvis,¬†constantly. ¬†YEEEEOUCH!

Sounds delightful doesn’t it?!

NO!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO is the RAGE that I feel at this feeling!

A PRIMAL GUT WRENCHING SCREAM…..

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

How on Earth, Where on Earth can I head to release this primal rage inside of me!

I am sitting here right now, in front of my computer, neatly typing about such ravaged words….

There is an absolute mismatch!  An incongruency in action.

This past week, I have tapped into a shift I am processing at present.

It is one that stems far deeper than my individual wounding, and drops into centuries of womanly wounding. ¬†I don’t fully understand it, and how could I if I, my body is not centuries old. ¬†But my Spirit is. ¬†My Spirit tells the story of the centuries of woman’s pain. ¬†My Spirit knows at its core what needs to heal, and I feel strongly, I feel it communicating to me, preparing me to let go and commence healing for something far deeper than I will ever understand.

I was reflecting on this topic last night and wondering how the HELL would I be able to discuss such a thing.  I mean if this is what I am called to write about, to talk about, how can I, who has no knowledge of this start.

Spirit knows.

Spirit always knows.

And so, I am going to write the words that I receive from Spirit, in answer to the questions I ask.

Q: ¬†What is it that I need to acknowledge about the Woman’s Wound?

A:  It is time to burst open with love for the divine feminine that has been repressed for far to long.

Q:  How do I do this?

A:  By doing what you are doing now.  Acknowledging that it exists and bringing light to the dark that has been.

Q:  OK, and then?

A:  And then you can share with your tribes of women who also experience deep pain within them and their families of origin.

Q:  What will I say in my words?

A:  You say what is true in your heart.  What is real for you in this moment.  Share you raw emotions, your hurt , pain and suffering for having felt your divine feminine suppressed.

OK…

Q: (to myself) What has it been like for me, Heidi, to have my divine feminine repressed?

I feel curled, contracted, bundled, shackled, leased, un wild, tamed… like a caged lioness who has been held captive, unable to hunt for her pride. I feel repressed energy, sadness and grief, dark, the sunrise before it has risen, ready to rise, but time standing still. ¬†A scream with no voice, unheard and alone. ¬†Alone, unattached, small, a flower bud before it has blossomed with all the pressure building to bust and burst its beauty, an air bubble beneath water beaming towards the surface, but just beneath the surface… all these¬†feelings and MORE…. just waiting, longing, wanting to be FREE!

Wow…. OK

Soul speaks, listen.

It is time.  Perhaps it IS the time of the WOLF?

 

What if you are far greater than you know!

Where attention goes, energy flows.

This is the way of the Universe.  This is the way of the body.

We are born into this world given everything that we could ever need within us.

But it seems that somewhere along the way, we lost our way.

We seek for love, meaning, knowledge outside of ourselves.

We go on a journey that takes us so far from ourselves, that we’re not sure we’ll ever find the way home. ¬†Physically, Emotionally or Spiritually.

This may not be everyone’s story, but it was definitely mine.

I lost a connection to myself in the decision that I made to protect myself, or, protect my Mother from telling her what had happened to me.

I somehow thought that I had done something wrong, naughty, bad, so therefore I could not, dare not tell my Mum.

In that small child mind of mine, I separated myself from myself.  I detached emotionally and shut off to protect myself from the world.

In the years that followed are a string of side effects that steam from the very core of this event, and likely even deeper as I am only now beginning to awaken to.

See human beings are programmed for love, connection, tribal being.  Not pain, suffering, despair and wounding.

It is our personal pain, compounded by our ancestral pain that see’s us as a civilization so detached from our innate magical selves.

We are amazing beyond our knowledge, we are infinite cosmic beings who block our own magical potential for power.

It is in Meditation & Healing’s that we minutely come to sense a tiny glimpse of who we are.

Even words do not, or could not express who we are.

But our bodies are the gateway to this wonder.. ¬†If we did not wear these bodies that we wear, then we would just be our essence. ¬†Our Spirits, floating, drifting gloriously about without a care, worry or purpose. ¬†Combine the two & who knows what you’ll get. ¬†Magic infused in a vehicle that can do anything!!

Why are we so scared of our own potential!

Because we are powerful beyond belief.

We block our potential and create energy blocks, manifesting into physical di-ease and unrest.

We are surrounded by a society so detached from self, we are lost as a culture.

If I could do ONE thing in this life, it would be to teach those I encounter, how to connect to their innate wisdom.

To teach the tools to create vibrancy & health.  To be able to bound through life with such joy and meaning..

But I can’t teach responsibility. ¬†I can’t teach everyone to choose the road less traveled. ¬†To acknowledge their buried pain and tribal/family wounding.

But where will we start?  If not this generation, will it be the next?  Or the next?  Who will step up?

When will courage be infectious.  What would it take?

If courageousness was as hipster as the latest Instagram trend, would we then have our market?

Does change need to have a catalyst of pain like the Sydney Seige?

What if it didn’t?

What if we simply woke up tomorrow and KNEW who we were and our PURPOSE?

 

10 Quick Health changes you can apply NOW…

Wanna read some of my favorite things that contribute towards my Health?

1 РStop.  Close your eyes.  Take 5 deep breaths into your belly.

2 РDrink a big glass of fresh clean NON tap water.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.

3 РTake your shoes off.  Walk on the grass.  Focus your energy down to your feet to receive the energy from the Earth.

4 – Lay down on the ground and turn your feet up a wall for 5 minutes.

5 – Take a cold shower.

6 РWatch your thoughts.  Catch a negative one & consciously flip it into a positive.  Write it down.  Sing it.  Dance it.  Draw it.  Play it over and over in your mind.  YOU ARE WONDERFUL AND SO VERY VERY LOVED!!!

7 – Get to bed no later than 10.30pBlog image 1m.

8 – Jump in the Ocean.

9 – Have an Orgasm.

10 – Sleep naked.

Leonie Dawson Amazing Biz + Life Workbooks 2015

Do you speak the language TRUTH?

Since getting regular with my writing and posting, I am learning that everyone has something to say, perhaps they just haven’t learnt how to say it yet?

I remember when I first met my coach, she was able to explain, in perfect detail, exactly how I was feeling, and describe a particular pattern I may have been caught in.

I remember thinking РI wish I could take this lady EVERYWHERE, so that she could articulate my words to my friends.  Also, I wondered if there was a course I could take to learn the language she spoke.

Today, I am reflecting on the time that has past since that session, and acknowledging that I NOW speak that language that she did in that session.

The language of TRUTH.

We are beginning to hear more and more of this TRUTH.  But what does it mean to you?

I reminds me of Mum saying to us kids, “now tell the truth”, as if we’d just done something naughty and now we have to fess up.

Fess Up.  Tell your Truth.  Speak of that which you have been up to.  That which is on your mind.

Who is scared of others knowing what is on their mind?

For a LONG time, I felt like I was a fraud.  Scared that people would find out that I was BULLSHIT.

Find out who the real me was, and then reject me for all the things I didn’t like about myself.

When I started my Personal Development Journey, my mask that I wore in the world, that showed everyone that I was ok, and that I had my shit together, it slowly began to fall away.

I had to develop a relationship with that part of me deep down.  That part that felt like I was a fraud, that part of me that was scared.  The part that was my TRUTH.  The TRUTH about how I felt about myself!  Who wants to admit that this is how they feel about themselves?  No one.  Which is why we hide behind our masks.

At Vision Quest, I set my intention to be a shining star in the world.  I threw that piece of paper into the fire, and walked away from it, not at all understanding the extent of the intention I had just created.

I had asked for all of my masks to be melted away, revealing my true self, my shining light.

On the weeks/months/years that followed, I had completely dismantled my false sense of self.

I was stripped back to the very core of who I was.

My shining light self, that was not yet shining.

My TRUE self, raw and vulnerable in the world.  Striped to expose that truth of the pain that had resided there.

During this time, I didn’t know this. ¬†I didn’t know these words that I am explaining to you now.

I only knew Lost.  Fear.  Pain.  Sadness.

To society, I was depressed.

To my Nature Care peers, I was undergoing a Spiritual Emergence, maybe even an Emergency.

Most will take Anti-Depressants because it is not an easy path. ¬†(no judgement – huge topic here…)

Day in, day out, showing up in the world experiencing this level of pain.

Living in a world that doesn’t accept this level of pain.

Take a pill, you will feel better.

Time will heal.

This too shall pass.

I’ve heard them all.

But to sit in the depth and TRUTH of this space, is a journey that even the bravest soul may cower.

TRUTH

What is your TRUTH?

Is it that you are scared?

Is it that you are in pain?

Is it that you are deeply unhappy?

We all know this language of TRUTH.

But do YOU speak it?

Or do you turn the other way?

speak-no-evil-8232818

Tuning into your AMAZING bodies innate WISDOM

Most mornings here in Canadia Land, I wake up and ask myself, how do I feel today?blog image

What do I want to do, what do I want to feel, what can I do today that will contribute towards creating a life that fulfills me.

(When you’re not working, and you have a heck of a lot of time up your sleeve, you have a lot of time to think about this stuff!)

I’ve had to really draw upon my tools that I’ve learnt over the years, because sometimes I wake up and don’t automatically feel good.

I’ve have felt sad, and lost at times.

There is so much theory about that states we choose our state of being. So when we feel like crap, how does it feel to be told, you are choosing that? It makes one feel even more crap, likely even angry.

Angry is good.

Anger has an energy that has the power to shift the crap.

We feel angry because our ego wants to defend us feeling crap – it has invested in the crap. If crap doesn’t exist, ego doesn’t exist.

In my experience, and I HAVE experienced the above, it took my conscious observation to see what my ego was doing.

Before the awareness of observation and choice are apparent, perhaps it might be, that you need feel crap?

Maybe there is a message for you within the crap?

During my coaching studies we were taught that giving space to an emotion, any emotion, is such a wondrous and powerful tool…

I used to live in a world where I constantly denied anything other than happy. This pattern took me was down the rabbit hole of depression. I didn’t honor my whole self, and so as my development guided me, I reached a place where I needed to honor that that made me whole.

I needed to honor the sadness, the crapness, it needed releasing into the world, releasing from my physical body, so that I could find a new balance within me. One that acknowledged happiness AND sadness.

So learning this lesson, AND to read that our emotions are a state of mind, it never sat with me at this time.

Until, I learnt, how to balance my emotional state. How to acknowledge how I truly felt, what was underneath it, to then consciously make a shift in my being.

My observations today witness a world, where we are quick to tell people that they can CHOOSE to feel happy, and this is TRUE.

And, I also feel like we are at a turning point where perhaps most people, need to be acknowledged for not feeling happy. Maybe feeling sad, angry, frustrated. As it is through these emotions we can move into an authentic state of happiness.

I know all about living a life not dancing with the sadness, not giving space to the equal and opposite emotion of happy…

I learnt the tough way, I took the gateway through depression to the other side. To move into a whole and fuller way of being.

EXERCISE
At any stage in your day, take 1 minute to close your eyes and check-in with yourself. Ask, “how do I feel today?”

Wait for your body to answer, it usually appears as a one word answer, or a sensation/feeling, maybe even a symbol. (everyone is different)

Then ask it…

“What do you need?”

Again, wait for the answer…

What you then choose to do with your innate answer is up to you.

To live in alignment with your bodies innate wisdom is health, and I for one am a MASSIVE fan of my BODY and my HEALTH.

You get to choose daily what you wish for your highest well- being.

xo

 

Truth = Health = Love

It’s time to get REAL, get to your TRUTH.

I mean, if you’re striving for greater HEALTH then you have to get HONEST.

Really honest with yourself.

What say you are dealing with Gluten Intolerance?

I mean, that’s a Solar Plexus Chakra injury.

Your Solar Plexus Chakra is about your relationship with yourself, your ego, your sense of self in the world.

The organs it is related to:
–¬†Stomach
– Upper intestine
– Adrenal glands
– Middle spine
– Liver
– Gallbladder
– Spleen

 

Now Spleen. ¬†There’s one organ I have come to know well in my travels.

In Chinese Medicine, your Spleen holds the emotion of worry.  Now back in the day I would worry about EVERYTHING .

Think about it, do you worry over money, health, relationships, confrontation with peers, family, life, anything and/or everything?

Well all that mental chit chat you have going on in that noggin of yours, is going to affect your mate Mr Spleen (or Mrs).

Now did you know that the Spleen and the Stomach are good friends?

Well in someone who has Gluten Intolerance, they’re not even getting along, their relationship isn’t that great.

Its the Spleens job to support the Stomach to digest food, and if that ain’t happening, well then guess what?

Food doesn’t digest well.

Then you get all those (un)pleasant feelings associated with poor digestion.

– Gas
– Bloating
– Constipation
– Burping
– IBS
– Fungal & Parasite Infections…

You get the idea.

Soooo imagine if you were to acknowledge those worries, those fears. ¬†Look at what their purpose is in your lill ole think tank…

I wonder what would happen?

Maybe your Spleen & Stomach might become friends again.  Maybe you might gain a greater sense of your self in the world.

MAYBE you might even begin to LOVE yourself.

Who can put their hand up right now, and honestly say they LOVE themselves?

I can.

You know why?

Because my Spleen & my Stomach are now BEST friends!

 

(This blog is really simplified information based on my personal healing experience with my digestive system.  It is by no means advice on what yours is doing.  It is merely written to bring awareness to the readers mind/body/spirit connection.  If you are experiencing any digestive issues, tune into your body and ask it want it needs.  Trust that an answer will show up for you, trust your bodies innate wisdom.  xo)

I believe in the good things coming…

I believe in the good things coming, coming, coming, coming…

I do, this is why I have to jump onboard and start…

I have a message, and I have to start somewhere.

So I’m starting.

I want to teach you, show you, that there is another way.

That you don’t have to be in the dark.

See I know, I’ve been there. ¬†I’ve been the dark.

It’s not pretty.

It is NOT easy.

If it was, we would all be on the other side.

And there is another side.

There is a side filled with light and love – OH so much LOVE.

There is possibility, self assurance, opportunity, abundance and OH SO MUCH LOVE!!

More LOVE than you can imagine!!

Can you imagine LOVING yourself just SO much that you could not fail?

Do you really?

COME AND JOIN ME – I’M WAITING FOR YOU!

I bet you’ll feel challenged to action this message from your SOUL…

What is purpose to you?

What it is, is different from one person to the next, as we are all individual souls here with a particular purpose.

I have been thinking about mine a lot with so much time on my hands at present. ¬†I recognize that the more time I have to myself, the greater I get to know myself. ¬†I’m not distracted by the external demands of being social, working at my job, a relationship (while Neil’s away), things that I would usually be busy-ing my time with.

I am learning how greatly sensitive I am, attuning to this tells me there is grand purpose in spending time with me.

After getting through the cold that I had last week, I found a routine to regularly meditate & clear energy each day. ¬†I connect with my heart & soul and ask it if it has a message to share with me. ¬†Some days I don’t get anything, but more often than not I get a message. ¬†Usually one simple word. ¬†Today it was Be. ¬†The other day it was Go. ¬†I have listened, and apparently our life is as simple as listening to our souls and taking action. ¬†Be. ¬†Be in each moment. ¬†So today, as I set about my day, my intention became to BE.

Currently not working, I can’t help but think about what will I do? ¬†What will be my income earner? ¬†I am SO conditioned to working, that I recognize I am in the discomfort ¬†of changing that belief or pattern. ¬†I know that I don’t want a job that is simply that, an income earner, and so in this beautiful period of not needing to work, I still can’t help but be curious – it’s the minds way – it wants to know the answers.

I am grateful and blessed to be able to finally watch and absorb the content from YouTube videos and Paul Cheks blogs that I just know I have a great purpose to follow. ¬†I resonate with the content I’m hearing & watching so greatly! ¬†My mind wants it NOW,¬†it wants to feel the value of contribution of making a difference to the world, of being in action. ¬†But you know what, the balance of being in action, is inaction, not lazy, but rest. ¬†Yin & Yang. ¬†It is the nature of life. ¬†If I have great purpose, then its opposite is true too. ¬†Great rest. ¬†You know that old saying, the calm before the storm.

So what is purpose again?  Is it action?  Is it inaction?  Or is it simply acting on your souls daily message to just BE.

All are true and correct. <3

what am I doing with my life?

It’s now been just over 3 weeks since I left Australia. ¬†I have well & truly landed in Canadia town…

My head has been an array of thoughts, creating confusion, I have been trying to figure it all out, but you know what I’ve learnt. ¬†I can’t. ¬†I can’t figure shit out. ¬†I just have to let it be, it is what it is.

And this is one of the reasons, I think I caught myself a cold. ¬†For 3 days now, I’ve been full up of a running nose, headaches, tickly throat, and today, add coughing into the mix.

This has been such a huge transition, I think I needed to get out of my own way and let it be.

What I have been processing is that all that I knew is now in the past. ¬†Any and all routines are gone, any friends I saw regularly, gone. ¬†The routine of work now complete. ¬†The co-workers, familiar faces, no more. ¬†The networks, the communities, hobbies I connected with, no more. Everything is in the past. ¬†The canvas is blank, awaiting my next brush stroke. ¬†What do I want that to be? ¬†Do I want it to look the same as before? ¬†Or am I ready for something different? ¬†To embrace the new that I’ve been growing into?

I’m just now back from a walk, isn’t walking great – I think it allows an opportunity for new insights to drop in, for things to get clear.. ¬†What occurred to me, I spent MONTHS preparing for my departure from OZ, and now that I’m here, all that energetic preparation needs to root itself right?! ¬†As if I can just keep on keeping on once I landed here in Canada. ¬†The momentum of my energy needed to change, no longer preparing to leave, changing to grounding and rooting a new foundation. ¬†Bali was just a break, a holiday from the preparing.

Landing into a new country, semi new relationship, the new energies of that relationship, moving in together/sharing a room/bed/home, new area, new climate, new culture… ¬†Any wonder I feel the way that I do.

One can’t think their way through a change like this…

While I’ve been dancing my way through the above, intertwined in there also, is the million dollar questions of “what am I doing to do with my life!?” ¬†I have followed my heart, and moved to another country, on the opposite side of the world, now what? ¬†The funny thing is, I don’t feel like doing anything. ¬†I don’t feel like joining the masses, into the work force. ¬†Into that false sense of security, joining society, pretending that I’m happy, that I want to live my life this way. ¬†In Bali, magical Bali, I really aligned¬†to a new way of being. ¬†Of how disconnected we have become from the earth. ¬†Since when was it ok to rape the planet of food & resources and not give back to it? ¬†Since when was it ok to not understand the cycles of life & to carry out living as if what was really going on doesn’t matter.

My dear friend Simon, who is the Chef at Bali Silent Retreat – the retreat I stayed at for 2 weeks, is very passionate about using food that is grown local, that supports the locals and what is taken, is given back. ¬†Since my stay in Bali, I find myself now looking at the labels with even more scrutiny than I ever did. ¬†Looking at where each product has come from. ¬†Was it imported, or is it local. ¬†If it’s not local, I don’t want to know about it. ¬†Do you know what of your favorite foods have been imported??? ¬†It really puts things into a different perspective. ¬†To consider that foods journey to your side of the world. ¬†What labor went into it’s production, what fuel resources were used to get it to you. ¬†What the cost of this food is to you, vs the locals who have lived on it for centuries. ¬†Take this¬†Quinoa seed story for example.

Simons Land

(This image is of Simons’ land in Bali at Bali Silent Retreat. ¬†It is rich & full of unique structures that support the growth and production of food, the land, the community. ¬†It maintains a cycle that will continue to support all, without one benefiting over the other. ¬†It is simply magic to behold.)

I now no longer want¬†to be a part of the problem, I want to be a part of the solution, so I don’t see how I can continue to plug myself back into the system, the matrix if you will, and continue to pretend that I don’t know, to not take personal responsibility. ¬†Because to continue pretending that I don’t know is now no¬†longer an option. ¬†I am a self responsible individual, I am here to make a difference, to be a part of the solution.

So once I’ve done landing my energy here in this beautiful Northern Hemisphere, and I feel ready to do what it is that I’m meant to be doing on this earth, I wonder where my spirit will guide me?

Watch this space….