This month, today actually. I am having particularly strong menstrual pains.
I decided to apply my technique (that I shared in a previous Facebook post) about tuning in and asking it what it needs.
Sounds almost crazy to something that one is almost accustomed to having each month?
Still I KNOW that as a Woman, I am NOT meant to be feeling these intense pains each month.
I thought about describing the feeling to someone who didn’t understand what they felt like, and it goes a little something like;
“It feels as though someone has grabbed a hold of my uterus through my pelvis, also grabbing my lower spine while they’re in there, and is attempting to pull them both out through my pelvis, constantly. YEEEEOUCH!
Sounds delightful doesn’t it?!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO is the RAGE that I feel at this feeling!
A PRIMAL GUT WRENCHING SCREAM…..
How on Earth, Where on Earth can I head to release this primal rage inside of me!
I am sitting here right now, in front of my computer, neatly typing about such ravaged words….
There is an absolute mismatch! An incongruency in action.
This past week, I have tapped into a shift I am processing at present.
It is one that stems far deeper than my individual wounding, and drops into centuries of womanly wounding. I don’t fully understand it, and how could I if I, my body is not centuries old. But my Spirit is. My Spirit tells the story of the centuries of woman’s pain. My Spirit knows at its core what needs to heal, and I feel strongly, I feel it communicating to me, preparing me to let go and commence healing for something far deeper than I will ever understand.
I was reflecting on this topic last night and wondering how the HELL would I be able to discuss such a thing. I mean if this is what I am called to write about, to talk about, how can I, who has no knowledge of this start.
Spirit always knows.
And so, I am going to write the words that I receive from Spirit, in answer to the questions I ask.
Q: What is it that I need to acknowledge about the Woman’s Wound?
A: It is time to burst open with love for the divine feminine that has been repressed for far to long.
Q: How do I do this?
A: By doing what you are doing now. Acknowledging that it exists and bringing light to the dark that has been.
Q: OK, and then?
A: And then you can share with your tribes of women who also experience deep pain within them and their families of origin.
Q: What will I say in my words?
A: You say what is true in your heart. What is real for you in this moment. Share you raw emotions, your hurt , pain and suffering for having felt your divine feminine suppressed.
Q: (to myself) What has it been like for me, Heidi, to have my divine feminine repressed?
I feel curled, contracted, bundled, shackled, leased, un wild, tamed… like a caged lioness who has been held captive, unable to hunt for her pride. I feel repressed energy, sadness and grief, dark, the sunrise before it has risen, ready to rise, but time standing still. A scream with no voice, unheard and alone. Alone, unattached, small, a flower bud before it has blossomed with all the pressure building to bust and burst its beauty, an air bubble beneath water beaming towards the surface, but just beneath the surface… all these feelings and MORE…. just waiting, longing, wanting to be FREE!
Soul speaks, listen.
It is time. Perhaps it IS the time of the WOLF?