Bali Visa Musings – having no agenda for change

While sitting in the Immigration Office in Bali, I was contemplating how much change my life has undergone, is such a short space of time.  Living within a Silent Retreat has brought me back to simplicity & the heart of what really matters in life.

I now see the many many distractions we create in life to avoid the very things that matter most to us.

For me, there is now no where to run, no where to hide, but face the pressing iceberg that lays in front.

My creativity & mark in the world is forefront.

I witness the talk, the wanting to make a better world, to impact people near & far.

I have had to learn to be humbled in its process, to loose my agenda for what I want.

I have had to let go & surrender to hard untruths in a bid to dissolve them.

I’ve had to fall into a puddle in the floor to come back stronger & continue step by step, again without agenda, but to dance in enjoyment of that moment, because this is all there is. An agenda is an idea, attached to ego.

When the ego fails, we feel we have failed & so a death cycles begins.

Not to avoid death cycles, but to really live in flow as nature intended is the truth. The only truth.

Having all rugs pulled from underneath, all safety harnesses removed, no life raft near is the only way. A singular leaf blowing in the wind, landing where it will, when it will, is, natures way.

And so, I am but another leaf, a piece of Earth, a part of Earth, aiming not to try to be anywhere but here.

It is an interesting way to live.

Trusting in life to provide in each & every moment. As this is only where life is. Not tomorrow, not yesterday.

Each moment I choose what tasks fulfill me, what nurtures me & what supports all. It is only within this balance of viewing all that I can be available to think far & wide, beyond my ‘I’ in the world.

Talking about doing things is no longer an option. We have a responsibility to uphold. Sitting behind Facebook sharing painful truths is not going to be the change. It is one step to awakening the masses perhaps, but it is only being in action that will make the change.

Today I propose to play a part in the reduction of reducing plastic usage in Bali. To help educate the Balinese people that their plastic rubbish contributes towards ocean pollution & sea life death.

This is an agenda yes. But in voicing it, I can let it go, and carry on taking action steps. Little by little, in a bid to align to the Earths intention for balance & harmony.

These words as I sit in at the Immigration Office in Bali.

no agenda for change, living in bali

Why I question EVERYTHING!

For the love of god!

Question EVERYTHING!

A few conversations have popped up at work recently where I hear people answer;

“they said we can’t”
“we’re not allowed too”, or variations of these sentences.

I always like to reply back to this statement with;

“why?”
“who is ‘they’?”
“what is the reason?”

Working within a company who values Entrepreneurship – I don’t hear entrepreneurship within these words.

I very rarely use this word to describe someone, unless they are a truly awakened individual, inspiring change and walking their talk – leading by example.

I believe one who is, to be a free thinker, one who lives outside the box, one who doesn’t conform to the norm, who makes their own rules as they go and is not afraid of what anybody else thinks about what they do. ¬†They stand out from the crowd, they will be the leader out in front – making the noise – pissing others off – or raising the crowd to cheers!

I guess why I’m bring this topic up, is I am finding myself beginning to think like this now. ¬†I question everything, and agree with very little these days. ¬†I am not so quick to agree for the sake of being pleasant and keeping the boat afloat, I am becoming more and more comfortable with disagreeing and expressing my view on why I don’t agree.

I have been finding it interesting, observing myself standing out more & more, shining my sense of freedom for being able to chose.  I still feel I have some final shackles to shake, but the light is at the end of the tunnel of this awakening journey РI can see it.  It is in the form of Bali Рin one months time.

This is THE awakening process – awakening to our freedom and free thought. ¬†There are conspiracy theories of mind control through the media, food & every other means. ¬†Our senses have been dormant for centuries and now with the awakening of souls across the globe, there is a grand shift concurring. ¬†There is no denying it. ¬†It is seen in Wayne Dyers’ Movie – The Shift, Blogs & You Tube videos across the internet, social media feeds – books, banners, posters, serendipitous moments.

The information is available to all who are ready.  It only takes a simple question, to align your intention to attract in the very tools that you need.

To question anything in life, paves way for a fork in our road. ¬†Keep taking the path you’ve always taken, and remain safe, comfortably uncomfortable. ¬†Or take the new path, that is unwritten, unexplored, diving deep into the depths of your soul & purpose. ¬†Come head to head with your fears that mask your greatest gifts and deepest desires. ¬†Live a life so fulfilling you cannot even begin to imagine it!

I took that turn, down the unknown path.  It has been dark, uncomfortable and confronting.  Though there is a knowing in my heart & soul that it is RIGHT.  Nothing can shake this.  I know that I am ploughing my way through the debris that has kept this path hidden, but in time, the light will shine through, brighter than it has every shone before.

I might call this Bali, as my trip is booked & I am off to be embraced by her again, but this is merely just the beginning!

I will be stepping forth into the unknown, jumping with both feet and arms into the air, calling upon the whole universe to catch me and carry me forward.  I co-create this life with its magic, and know that I have been creativity orchestrated to shine my light, inspiring others to follow.  My life & its design is unique and like no other.  I have a perfect set of circumstances that will support others to open to the gifts within theirs.

As I have written before;

“The journey inward may not be a comfortable one, but it sure beats being unhappy, and is a heck of a lot more soul satisfying.”

 

A story for you my sister…

A reoccurring theme has been emerging in my dreams for some years now.

I had another last night, and when I awoke, spent some time reflecting on it.

It connects to an experience I had during my teenage years.

In these years, it involves my friends not inviting me to join them for a spa at one of our guy friends houses’. ¬†We were staying/living together at the time, and after dinner, everyone quietly packed up & left without so much as a see you later.

I found myself alone within the house wondering Рwhat had I done?  Why had I not been invited?  I was devastated!

Mum was out of town at the time, hence the three of us living together during this time. ¬†Mum had ‘conveniently’ changed the locks on our family home, so I couldn’t access it while they were gone. ¬†I still called her & told her what had happened, and she organised for me to move into her friends’ home until she returned.

So I packed up my things and moved in with Diane. ¬†I didn’t speak to my ‘friends’ for the next couple of years.
Bam. Done. ¬†What had I done? ¬†Till this day I still don’t know what happened?

The theme of this experience, repeats itself in my dreams, and has done for years.  The devastation of not being invited to hang with my so called friends.  Rejection, Devastation & Hurt.  So when the dream arose again this morning I begun to question it some more.

How do I really feel about what happened back then?
– Upset

Where do I feel ‘upset’ in my body?
– My heart

Am I ready to let this pain go?
– Yes

What do I need in order to do that?
– Let go

At the moment, when thinking about how I felt during this, it feels almost as real as the day it happened. ¬†It’s like I could pick up the phone & call these girls and ask them why? ¬†If it wasn’t nearly 20 years later!

It got me thinking. ¬†What is their experience of this memory? ¬†What was going on for them to practice such cruel behavior? ¬†Did they even consider their behavior? ¬†There are different sides to every story. ¬†If this is mine, what was/is theirs’? ¬†Curious.

It is only now with my open perspective that I can see the full glass, as opposed to the narrow view I saw back then. ¬†I still hold/held (moving into past tense) pain for the incident, I’m human, and this is my healing. ¬†However there is always a greater perspective at play. ¬†I may, or may not ever get to know it, but life can be funny that way. ¬†Like puzzle pieces fitting together, sometime it might not fit together until a riper age of grace.

I see this puzzle piece as being a small part of the whole, in regards to my healing as a female. ¬†I still get menstrual cramps, and have as long as I can remember. ¬†I know that it is NOT NORMAL, yet society dictates that it is very normal for woman to get cramps. ¬†I’m sorry – but I call Bull Shit!

Bull Shit to it being normal, that woman accept something as natural as the ebb and flow of nature, is painful!

Bull Shit to aches that land some woman bed ridden for days!

I call BULL SHIT!

I believe as women, we have lost of primal ways.  We have suppressed them SO deep within us, that we actually have no memory or connection to what they are anymore.

I believe that we suffer in aloneness, so fearful to show our vulnerability to other woman, for fear of judgement & rejection.

Yet I believe that each and everyone of us, feels a deep pain within us, that is yearning for expression, that is yearning to be heard & received by other woman.

I know I feel alone in mine.  There have been times that I have wailed into my pillow for humanity Рthe pain of it all. The pain of being a woman, the pain of feeling such emotions that cannot be explained.  The pain of not being understood by your mate Рwho looks at you baffled.

Why are we not tearing down these walls that separate us?  We sincerely have work to do.  To not only heal ourselves, but our generational lineage AND the planet РMOTHER EARTH herself!

WE have WORK WILD WOMAN!

And so we must address our deepest yearnings, our deepest emotions and raw selves.

WE must address our dreams, our memories, our aches and our pains.

We must hold our sisters as they divulge their truth, setting them & ourselves free from our shackles.

Many a goddess circle is arriving even online during these times.  There are so many opportunities for support if we are open, courageous & vulnerable to seek it.

I know that it is scary, god knows that I know. ¬†But I’m tired of doing this on my own. ¬†I’m ready for something new. I’m ready to love & to receive that same love.

I’m ready to let my guard down – so that you dear sister can see me, and I can see you.