Not having a Dad has become my greatest gift

Neils’ Dad has been here visiting for the weekend.  He lives in Campellville, Ontario.

I’ve met him twice before when Neil & I visited for Christmas & the packing down of his Mothers’ Condo in Milton.

He’s a lovely man, a real Dad type.  I guess what other type is there really?  I think I mean that he’s what I imagined a Dad to be like?

I never met my Dad, or ever had a Dad figure in my life.

I’ve learnt that it’s no small thing to have never met your Father, whether you’re a Male or a Female.  Both positions can leave a firm imprint on any Adult during their childhood.  For me, I didn’t know that not having a Father was a different way to grow up, until I got to school.  I succinctly remember being in the playground at 5 years of age, and all the other kids were talking about their Dads.  One of them asked me about mine, I replied “I don’t have one.”  In that moment, at my tender age of 5, I felt a distinct separation from me and them, the other kids.  I took on that there must been something wrong with me, for me to not have a Dad.  Huge Moment.  Huge belief set in place.

That untrue belief, from my innocent mind, set the scene for my life.  “There must be something wrong with me.”

I went on to create a life that set me apart from the rest.  Thinking that I was different from others.

I believe that this incident + running from the pain of Sexual Abuse, has seen me roam the world in search of myself. I wouldn’t have said it at the time, but I guess I was seeking something outside of myself, only to be brought back to myself.  Much like The Alchemist story.  At 20 years old, I sure as hell wasn’t ready to look within.  Years of establishing this belief had become my truth.
I had inner dialogues running of; I’m not worthy, there’s something wrong with me, and nobody loves me.

I ran to binge drinking, crazy partying, pill popping… this eventually turned into obsessive exercise/gym habits, a body building competition, & elimination diets & restrictive eating.  I eventually crashed.  This coincided with delving into myself during a Vision Quest that was a part of my Life Coaching Diploma.  I landed depressed for 2.5 years and had no where to turn, but to myself.  Those days were extremely dark & tough going – I didn’t know if I was going to make it through.  I would dream of not being here, not being a burden to anyone. Though they were shit, I wouldn’t take them back.  I’m a richer, loving, more compassionate person because of coming back to myself.

Not all absent Dad stories are the same.  This one is mine.  It has seen me on a journey of transformation.  Of coming back to who I innately am.  This is all there is.  To know who you are at your core is priceless.  I feel like I have finally arrived at a place where I am me.  Who I was born to be in this world.  I am connected to Source daily & am guided, step by step to take my path of purpose.  I need nothing else.

I now do not feel sad for the Father I never knew, I don’t feel angry towards Steve for what he did.  I look at the upbringing I had with deep gratitude.  I remember my Life Coach said that one day I would be grateful for my pain, and see it as a gift.  I understood it intellectually then, but now feel it as truth.

The anger & pain that I held onto, unconsciously, for years has been greatly released.  I am free from digestive issues, I am free from anxiety & fear based ways of being.  I am free to make decisions lead by my heart and choose a life of freedom.

There is no greater gift than FREEDOM!!  Freedom has been my life mantra, now I feel I embody it, rather than chase it.  Ah ho!

Should I meet my Father
Neil & his Dad

The calling of my soul…

I’ve heard this term a bit over my years, it was always one of those coaching descriptions that I understood intellectually, but didn’t yet have an experience of.

It’s a bit like your Mum/Dad/Grandparents, telling you, you just know when you’ve met that person you want to marry.

There’s a deep inner resonance with your soul.

A souls calling…  It communicating with you, calling you to take action around something deeply meaningful & transformative.

I feel like mine is yelling at me right now.

There is a restlessness within me, that feels like it won’t relax until I do the very thing it is calling me to do.

I’m pretty excited about it, I feel like I’ve been dancing between worlds of action & inaction for the last number of months.  I’ve learnt that there isn’t one clear straight road from point A to point B.  Sometimes, manytimes, one needs to take stock, smell the flowers, spend time with the flowers, get to know the purpose of these flowers before the journey continues.

I’m proud to say that I have been pretty compassionate towards myself during this time.  I am no longer the freight train that I used to be in getting tasks done.  Sometimes it can frustrate me that I don’t see results when I want to see them.  But then, as I’ve now learnt that I am connected to a bigger force at play, the end result is going to always be larger than I could’ve ever anticipated!

For a while now, I have had a goal, a dream, an idea that I will write a book.  I’ve seen it as being some sort of memoir about healing from sexual abuse, awakening to oneself into a life that is foreign and scary, and taking baby steps each day to integrate newness and wonder.

I figure that I can’t be the only woman or perhaps man out in the world, that has had to experience this sad reality. And that is the thing.  This story isn’t a sad one anymore.  It is an experience that has molded and shaped me into the very woman I am today.  Who knows who I would’ve been had I not of chosen this life to incarnate into.  We choose our life’s and experiences so that we can walk the path that we came here to.  When we are here, it’s a funny thing to reflect back on our human experiences and be so connected to them, as again, we are apart of a bigger magic.

This idea of my book has and is shaping each month that passes.  As I continue to focus on it, it continues to get clearer and clearer, I get more excited about its impending arrival.

Each time I sit down to write, there are a multiple billion word options available to me to use, it is curious which ones will choose my page.

My calling is getting stronger.  I am planning an escape into the forest, to be surrounded only by the trees, nature and water.  I am creating a space to invite the words to spill forth and create this book.  It is an exciting time.  I can feel that there is more available to me than I can conceive of.  And I feel ever more curious to read this book as I am to write it.

Spirit has a message to share through me, and I can’t wait to be its messenger.

 

 

Soul-Full Sundays Interview

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In a forum recently, the lovely Carrie, of carriehensley.com asked for volunteers for her popular Sunday Soul-Full Series.

I put my hand up at the opportunity to share my message…

Read the post here.

 

 

 

 

 

What is my life purpose?

Today I answered a bunch of questions for a fellow Amazing Life + Biz Academy Member, for the opportunity to be featured on her blog as part of her Soul-Full Sunday Interviews.  I have just read one of Carries’ blog posts, and it appears we are both Sexual Abuse thrivers.    I use the description thrive, as Survivor does not feel like a fit for me anymore.

I feel that I now THRIVE, that my story is simply that, something that shaped me into the amazing woman I have become in the world today.  I no longer resonate with that story, however I still wish to share parts of it, as I wish to show other women that there is a way forward from the darkness of your secret.

I share these answers with you, as I shared them with Carrie, as there is a message to be heard.  A message of inspiration.  Showing another way for women who have experienced the pain that abuse can cause.

It is time to rise up into the being that you are here to be in this world.  It is time.

 

How are you following your life path (dharma)?
In each moment I am aware of who I’m choosing to be in the world. I try to make sure that I am present with each & every person I come into contact with. I take personal responsibility for my body & being and trust by doing so, that I teach others that it is possible for them also.
I recently started working at lululemon athletica here in Canada. I love that the girls I’m working with thought that I was 26! I’m actually 36 and ½! I feel like that’s a pretty awesome testament to me!

Have you always had this calling? If not, was it a sudden/gradual shift?
I believe I have. I fit into that known story of not fitting in at school. My story begun with learning I didn’t have a Dad at the age of 5, then at the age of 8 – was sexually abused by my Mums boyfriend. I took on the beliefs that I wasn’t good enough to have a Dad & in the second example – shut down my emotions as I didn’t know how to deal with the situation.

It’s only in hindsight I see that I spent my teens & early 20’s ‘running’ from myself. I left my home country of New Zealand at the age of 20, from here life was hard and fast. I partied hard, engaged in recreational drugs, exercised like a mad woman & was determined my body defined how I felt about myself.
I entered a body building competition in 2006 – I spent 1 year working towards that goal. After competition & a Vision Quest I completed as part of my Life Coaching studies, my world fell apart.
This intention of my quest was ‘to shine’, I went through a very dark knight of the soul with depression for 2.5 years. This forced me to acknowledge the pain that I’d kept hidden from my childhood that I had been running from.
As I pulled through – I learnt that there was so much wonder & beauty in the world. I knew I had a purpose in this life that involved inspiring others to heal from their pain.

What did you have to give up by honoring your path?
I’ve let go of a lot!
Fear, Doubt, Worry, Anxiety, Pain, Lack…
I’d say in aligning to something greater that feels good, I’ve chosen to let go of the things that haven’t supported me feeling good.
This might look like; big nights out, binge drinking, recreational drugs, gossip, TV, reading Newspapers/Magazines, eating processed foods, sugar, non organic meat, obsessive exercise habits…
The physical things I mentioned just fell away as I changed. It wasn’t about letting go of them because I thought I needed to. It’s was about aligning to something greater, about making the CHOICE to FEEL good. To feel GREAT.

What have you learned/gained by remembering your true nature (honoring your path)?
That I am unlimited… I have everything that I could ever need, in this moment & every moment. All I need to do is align to the vibration of what I want, and I will attract what I need, or the steps to move closer towards attracting what I need.

That it is an absolute CHOICE to feel good. It doesn’t just happen, it is something that you need to work at. Chose to eat healthy nutritional food, chose healthy movement habits, choice healthy work & social environments, chose healthy thoughts…

What is one thing you do every week to honor your innermost authentic Self (connection to Source)?
I do a lot of things. I LOVE nature…. I will take time out and visit the local woods and breathe, probably even hug & talk to the trees there.
I will watch the insects and birds & notice how they might invite me in & let each other know that I’m there.

I meditate daily. I give thanks to Great Spirit and acknowledge its existence.

What is one treat you can share with us to bring along on our own path towards freedom?
Oh SO many…. But one.
Um, I would invite you to observe your mind.
Watch your thoughts.
Sit in quiet contemplation, or meditation and observe.
Or, if you don’t feel ready (yet), to start. Journal.
Write. Write. Write.
Write unedited on a blank sheet of paper. Just allow anything that enters your mind to be expressed onto that sheet. Give yourself 20 minutes of pure uninterrupted time to express your minds thoughts.

What is my life purpose?

Poo, farts & gluten intolerance…

poo, farts & gluten intolerance
What does yours look like?

Poo, farts & Gluten Intolerance…

Do you have issues with any of these;
+ Dealing with any of the line up in the image to your right
+ Feeling uncomfortable tension inside your gut & intestines – giving you that constant sense of bloat
+ Being that person at dinners out who has to ensure there is no Gluten in any of the dishes.

Does your stomach bloat at the very smell of bread?

Are you all to familiar with any or all of the above?

Does your poop look like any of the images except Number 7?

Well, I’m here to say, that it doesn’t need to be this way!  No-siree-bob!

I’ve been there, done that.  And I’m out on the other end, living with Number 7 once to twice a day, and life feels great!

Obviously it wasn’t always this way, otherwise this blog post wouldn’t exist.

It took me a good 1.5 years to transform what needed to shift in order to align to my path of power.

So I want to yell from the rooftops, that you can do it too!

It all started with diet eliminations.  The first being when I removed all forms of processed foods, sugars, carbohydrates from my diet in preparation for my first Womens Figure Body Building Competition.

This opened up a whole world of awareness for me.  How food affected my energy, well-being and my gut.  I learnt very quickly that eating bread for me at the time, made me sluggish, bloated & totally uncomfortable.

I put myself on a Gluten Intolerant diet, and that was that.  I must’ve followed that for 4 years, not thinking anything of it.  As Gluten free diets are ‘normal’ in our world today.

It was during this time, that one week I had an ache in the side of my torso that would not release.  I knew going to a Doctor wouldn’t be my way forward, so I asked Spirit to guide me to someone who could.  After a week, I found myself walking past a Traditional Chinese Medicine Clinic and was guided to walk in.

The rest is history, but now on the other side of this journey – I can see how I absolutely needed to address some home truths about what was being held in my beautiful body, and how addressing them, transformed my health and well being, beyond what simply a change in diet could.  A change in diet was part of mine, as was the exploration of stored unprocessed emotions and old beliefs held within my physical body & mindset.

Transformation happens when all layers & levels of being are addressed.  Physical, mental and emotional.

When they are, the result is beyond what one could imagine prior to the journey.

I now offer packages that support individuals embarking on the healing of their digestive issues that will see them right through to the stage of completion and transformation.

Ongoing support is recommended for the changes and emotions that arise for individuals.

These sessions are available by Skype and Distance Healings.  One on One sessions are available if you live in Victoria, BC, Canada.

Contact me at me@heidifirth.com, or ask your questions in the comments section below…

Sending so much love to your soul & beautiful digestive system within these words. <3

Do you speak the language TRUTH?

Since getting regular with my writing and posting, I am learning that everyone has something to say, perhaps they just haven’t learnt how to say it yet?

I remember when I first met my coach, she was able to explain, in perfect detail, exactly how I was feeling, and describe a particular pattern I may have been caught in.

I remember thinking – I wish I could take this lady EVERYWHERE, so that she could articulate my words to my friends.  Also, I wondered if there was a course I could take to learn the language she spoke.

Today, I am reflecting on the time that has past since that session, and acknowledging that I NOW speak that language that she did in that session.

The language of TRUTH.

We are beginning to hear more and more of this TRUTH.  But what does it mean to you?

I reminds me of Mum saying to us kids, “now tell the truth”, as if we’d just done something naughty and now we have to fess up.

Fess Up.  Tell your Truth.  Speak of that which you have been up to.  That which is on your mind.

Who is scared of others knowing what is on their mind?

For a LONG time, I felt like I was a fraud.  Scared that people would find out that I was BULLSHIT.

Find out who the real me was, and then reject me for all the things I didn’t like about myself.

When I started my Personal Development Journey, my mask that I wore in the world, that showed everyone that I was ok, and that I had my shit together, it slowly began to fall away.

I had to develop a relationship with that part of me deep down.  That part that felt like I was a fraud, that part of me that was scared.  The part that was my TRUTH.  The TRUTH about how I felt about myself!  Who wants to admit that this is how they feel about themselves?  No one.  Which is why we hide behind our masks.

At Vision Quest, I set my intention to be a shining star in the world.  I threw that piece of paper into the fire, and walked away from it, not at all understanding the extent of the intention I had just created.

I had asked for all of my masks to be melted away, revealing my true self, my shining light.

On the weeks/months/years that followed, I had completely dismantled my false sense of self.

I was stripped back to the very core of who I was.

My shining light self, that was not yet shining.

My TRUE self, raw and vulnerable in the world.  Striped to expose that truth of the pain that had resided there.

During this time, I didn’t know this.  I didn’t know these words that I am explaining to you now.

I only knew Lost.  Fear.  Pain.  Sadness.

To society, I was depressed.

To my Nature Care peers, I was undergoing a Spiritual Emergence, maybe even an Emergency.

Most will take Anti-Depressants because it is not an easy path.  (no judgement – huge topic here…)

Day in, day out, showing up in the world experiencing this level of pain.

Living in a world that doesn’t accept this level of pain.

Take a pill, you will feel better.

Time will heal.

This too shall pass.

I’ve heard them all.

But to sit in the depth and TRUTH of this space, is a journey that even the bravest soul may cower.

TRUTH

What is your TRUTH?

Is it that you are scared?

Is it that you are in pain?

Is it that you are deeply unhappy?

We all know this language of TRUTH.

But do YOU speak it?

Or do you turn the other way?

speak-no-evil-8232818

I believe in the good things coming…

I believe in the good things coming, coming, coming, coming…

I do, this is why I have to jump onboard and start…

I have a message, and I have to start somewhere.

So I’m starting.

I want to teach you, show you, that there is another way.

That you don’t have to be in the dark.

See I know, I’ve been there.  I’ve been the dark.

It’s not pretty.

It is NOT easy.

If it was, we would all be on the other side.

And there is another side.

There is a side filled with light and love – OH so much LOVE.

There is possibility, self assurance, opportunity, abundance and OH SO MUCH LOVE!!

More LOVE than you can imagine!!

Can you imagine LOVING yourself just SO much that you could not fail?

Do you really?

COME AND JOIN ME – I’M WAITING FOR YOU!