My funk, gives permission to your funk

Sometimes the day calls for gentleness and not so much action.

This ride can be a challenging one when sometimes the next step is NOT clear, but a decision needs to be made.

Such is the case for me today, and as a result (I think), my thoughts and feels, are funky and so it’s been a slow day for me.

Despite having tools, I’m normalizing that this path is tough and unknown and that it’s impossible to be upbeat and optimistic all the time.

“the only way forward is through’

Join the Be Your Own Guru Community here
Chat with Heidi here

Use this tool to clear funky energy immediately

Every morning it is natural for me to check in with myself and feel where my energy is at, how it feels.
When it’s super funky and foggy, I put out a tool from my tool kit and apply it to increase my good feels.
This one is from an awesome man you may know – Wim Hof.

I follow my bodies lead and allow whatever I need to move through me;
– Yawning
– Burping
– Sighing
– Emotional Release
– Sound Release
– Physical Movements

Join the Be Your Own Guru Community here
Chat with Heidi here
Wim Hof Video

What should I be eating daily?

Welcome to the first post in a series of Facebook/Blog Posts on a variety of topics to support you in aligning to the Guru that you are.  Mondays topic is – You are what eat – Food & Nutrition – What should I be eating daily.

This is the first Monday that Be Your Own Guru has touched on this topic, and as I’m sure you are well to aware of, is a BIG one!

There is SO much information available to us, in fact it is overwhelming how much information there is.

Articles, research & blogs saying eat this, don’t eat this. Be Vegan, Eat Paleo – it’s any wonder the majority of people don’t know what to do and are seeking answers externally.

I witness a massive online demand from people in search of diet plans from Professionals. How can someone on the other side of the world, have the slightest idea what your body will need nutritionally, energetically & climately (yes I made up a word), yet takes your money in exchange for your loss of personal power? How are these ‘Professionals’ really aligned to health?

Food & Nutrition goes so much deeper than calories in & calories out. There are crucial elements such as where the meat was sourced, how it lived in harmony with the planet, what food it ate during it’s life cycle, if vegetables were grown in organic soil, what the farmers practices were in growing & harvesting, their transportation method & how long ago the produce was harvested before it was cooked.

Now I KNOW this is a lot of information to consider for one single meal, so there is absolutely no expectation to go out into your day and expect to follow all of this, let alone authentically care to know. We will expand slowly on these topics in the coming weeks. As with any area of our life, it takes learning to look at ourselves first, before we have the capacity to extend our thinking to others.

My food journey started with cleaning up my diet in preparation for a Body Building competition. Before that, I was a cardio junkie who ate carb dominant foods because I was also a sugar junkie hiding from her emotions. I had no connection to myself, only a one track mind that was focused on running harder & faster. (More on this in future posts). When my trainer told me to cut all sugar from my diet, I did – though I felt as though I had been hit by a train. There were no blog articles or Instagram feeds to teach me about detoxing effects.

Without going into my whole food story right now, the key ingredient I learnt over time, was to listen to what my body needed. Sure I did study & learn various tools, but essentially those tools supported me to attune with what I needed, and from there, it has evolved.
No one can or should tell you what your body needs, only you can do that. Once you tune into your innate knowing, you will live in harmony & balance with your body as only you can.

So the exercise…
Get your hands on a copy of the Metabolic Typing Diet by William Wolcott
http://www.metabolictyping.com/
Within this book there is a questionnaire which will test your Metabolic Type.
From here, it will teach you what ratios of Protein, Carbohydrates & Fats to eat in each meal.

This will support in maintaining balanced blood sugar levels through your day which will offer optimal energy. No sugar peaks, or troughs bringing on cravings for more of the same.

In time, you will come to know your bodies messages, whether you needed more or less fats or proteins, if you’re really craving sugar or need to sit with the craving feeling and notice if it’s an emotional need.

Your food journey starts with coming to know your body, your bodies messages, and attuning your fuel requirements to give yourself the optimal amount energy.

Stay tuned on Facebook for continued posts this week that elaborate on this topic…

what should I be eating daily?

8 Month Womb of Bali Love

These past few days have invited some deep internal reflection.  It has been brutally confronting, inviting me to look at old untruths that I have been operating from. But first, these patterns wouldn’t have come to head, if I hadn’t have allowed myself to sit in a womb of Bali love for these past 8-9 months.

Like all good cycles, this one has been epic beyond explanation.  Inviting in rich feminine nurturing and ways of being I have been unaccustomed to.  I’m Heidi – I like to charge forward like the Sagittarian Adventurer that I am, making shit happen & tearing things up in my path.  This time has welcomed a newer, upgraded version of Heidi, one who has richer compassion and deep nurturment for the feminine process and holding.

I have needed to spend time healing my heart after my breakup, and look at my underlying issues of worthiness that it brought up.

It is merely intuition that has taught me that these months have been a holding period.  Much to my personal frustration of wanting to get on with life and move forward.  After all, doesn’t it feel so satisfying to take action towards the things we want most in life?  Look at us humans right now, we are so ADDICTED to being in action.  Our very days are full to the brim with action tasks and duties.  Not to many moments are filled with blissful nothingness, simply watching nature & counting our blessings on breathe.  “Il dolce far niente.”

I’ve trusted my guidance and taken one step at a time, accepting the discomfort of what was, trusting that everything is in perfect order, despite it not looking like the order I wanted so dearly.  After all, as the saying goes “we get what we need, not what we want.”

I’ve carried out tasks that I am good at, that have served me living this life – making a living – in exchange for accommodation, food & other additions that have allowed me to stay on this island of Bali.  It has triggered my deepest frustrations to not be ‘in control’ of such simple matters.  However it has been so satisfying to not have to conform to the basic demands of needing to earn real money, only to see the gross of it go off to things like rent, expenses, food, gas, loans and so on.  I have been gifted a break from the rat race.  An incredible opportunity to rest from such a Masculine/Yang way of living.

Still I was aware of needing to break from Bali.  An opportunity to gain a fresh perspective.  To see if leaving this island was what I needed to do to move forward, break free of the Bali bubble.  A return break to Australia to spend time with my bestie was just what I needed.  Time to drink all the coffee and eat all the chocolate with my friend, and to not consider the needs of the retreat and my personal frustrations with, “what am I doing with my life!”

Feeling unbiased either way upon my return – should I stay, should I go – I returned and initially felt no clearer other than experiencing a few UP days, which were so so welcome, the nurturing womb of Bali love had changed – I felt freer.  But direction & purpose were still no more clearer.   Hoping clarity would show up after some necessary conversations, I’d hoped options would become clear to me.  This wasn’t to be the case.  Foggier and foggier I became.  I fell into a hole of darkness yesterday and experienced my lows in full force.  Worthiness, lack, sadness, fear.  I decided to hide from myself by watching a movie.

That evening I attended our Agnihotra Fire Ceremony which welcomes purging of old to bring about transformation, and how perfect for this New Moon Energy.  Still agitation sat with me and I choose to leave before it was finished.  I retired to bed and decided to again distract myself with something to watch online.  I found an interview with Marie Forleo & Tony Robbins.  I started watching it out of curiosity.  He’s been around for years, but I have never felt any interest in him.  However he has a movie set for release shortly titled “I am not your Guru”, which is on par with my Be Your Own Guru concept.  I watched for a bit but felt uninspired.

Clicking on a different video of his, titled something like “how to control your emotions” thinking, this will be interesting.  I am not for controlling my emotions, but giving them the space to be what they need to be, but figured he must know what he’s talking about given his status & duration of time in the Personal Development field.

I understand that every emotion is a message telling us that we need to change something.  I get this.  We listen to the message & go deeper into it to find the core underlying message.  I get this also.  What he teaches, after acknowledging what the core message is, there are one of two things one can do;
1 – Change your perception of what you are experiencing to change your feeling, or
2 – Take action preceding the situation.

Watch the mentioned Tony Robbin’s Video here

 

I often have the tendency to sit in the emotion of what comes up a bit longer than needed.  For example, the recent changes here have triggered my feelings of worthiness.  So I feel into the feelings of lack of worth.  Allowing it to be what is.  It does eventually shift naturally, however it can be quite uncomfortable to be there for extended periods of time, as one might imagine.  Perhaps this has to do with my emotional maturity – having cut myself off from feeling emotions at a young age?  Perhaps making up for lost time, I don’t know?

This morning upon waking, I sat in my fog and asked “what do I do next?”  I had been waiting for internal guidance to guide me, giving me some kind of inspiration.  A clear indication around what action I needed to take.  Up until recently, I’ve been getting nadda.  This morning what came through was a message – “back yourself.”

What listening to Tony the night before did, was reminded me that I am in control.  I am in charge of what I want to create.  I looked at why I am feeling this way.  I got really honest with myself.  I knew I didn’t want to return into the same bubble that I was previously.  So what was my resistance?

I had been so down on my self belief, that I thought that I couldn’t create what I wanted. I thought it was gone.  That my purpose was in the hands of some greater force guiding me, dictating where I needed to go & be.  I was reminded that the most rewarding time of my working life, was when I worked for myself.  I was my own boss.  I did what I wanted and the sky was the limit!

This memory reminded me that I can do that again!

I needed to internally choose.  I needed to step up, to back myself.  To choose that I want to work for myself.  To accept the massive opportunity that I have been given here.  Of course I don’t know how I am going to do it, or what I am going to do, I only know that I cannot go backwards.  I have to encompass everything that I know and have integrated over the past 15 years and bring it forward into the now.  Now is the time to do.

As soon as I made this decision, I took myself off for an ass kicking workout.  I biked to some local stairs that I love pounding and pumped out repetitions of them.  I was my own Personal Trainer.  Edging myself forward to push through the mud into something new.

This was communicated with the Founder here & a very short time after, a guest booked me for a session!  Such a perfect confirmation that I have made the right decision aligned to my highest good.  In hindsight, what I’ve shared is so simple, but experientially one of the toughest processes to date.

There was so much richness in the womb of Bali love that I needed, to come from a new, perhaps more loving, compassionate nurturing way of being, that perhaps could not have been facilitated from my old way of being.  We are no longer living head based lives; we need to align with our hearts true purpose in each moment.  It is easy to charge forward from the head, but to come from the heart, that is truly living.

womb of bali love

 

Grief Friend you are Welcome

Have you noticed how grief can be a trickster at times?

Disguised in one form, dressed as another.

Like an unannounced house guest, he knocks at the door, packed bags in hand, you answer in your underwear, the house a mess, you’re unprepared.  “Hello friend, I am Grief.”

He has come to visit.  To turn him away would be unheard of, perhaps a crime.  He never quite says what he needs, why he’s here, or how long he’ll stay for.  But you welcome him in, albeit reluctantly.  You both take a seat on the couch and he starts the conversation.

“How are you friend?”

You give your surface level reply.  “I’m good, I’m busy with work, friends, social situations, family.  I’m grateful for everything & everything is fine.”

He responds, “Is that right?  Tell me about how you’ve been feeling during your evenings alone?”

Something clicks inside.  You know exactly the feeling he is referring to.  You’ve been binging on chocolate & Netflix each night, in an avoidance of feeling this now named feeling.

“Tell me about THAT feeling he says, compassionately, lovingly.”

You sit for a moment.  For maybe the first time, tuning into that discomfort that resides in your body.  Uggghhh – there it is.  That heavy weight sitting, waiting…  Your breathing drops…  Your heart rate present – now seemingly louder…  You feel the energy expand outwards from this rock like weight.  Tears are forming behind your eyes, it’s coming…

You can’t hold back, nor would you want to.  You’ve wanted to acknowledge this, to feel this pain, you’ve just secretly been afraid.  The heavens pour down and you’re running with it.  Tears are falling down your face just like melting ice in your hot hand on a Summers day… your stomach contracts & heaves, as does your whole body in unison.  Your mind is blank in this moment, you have found relief.  In complete surrender to your bodies natural seasonal change – this emotional state.

Grief sits there quietly, very still.  Just looking upon you gently, lovingly.  A companion who has your back.  You continue to cry, beginning to wonder if there will be an end to this heaviness?

 

Time has passed some.  You’ve witnessed new insights drop into your mind, ah ha’s of what has been held so contained.

Memories from your past floating up from your subconscious.  Making their transition from one realm, to the next.  You can see more clearly, what was hiding.

What you were so frightened of.  It is not so frightening anymore.  Only here.  Present.  Accepted.  Free.  No stories. It is free.  You are free.  You are releasing the old.  The old that has driven you to hide from yourself.  Your truth.

Grief sits.

Placing his hands on your heavy heart.  You feel the ache.  The physical ache that now resides where before, pain sat.

You feel different.  Tired.  Numb.  Sad.  Heavy.

The couch feels good.  Comfortable.

The convulsions have subsided, the tears are now dry.

Your head feels expanded, kinda headachy, like it has just been squashed, but blast open.

Your mind blank.

Sitting…  Starring…  Quiet…  Peace…

Breathing now slow & consistent.  You look at grief, he holds your gaze in return.

“How are you friend?”  he asks.

You return his gaze and answer, “How are YOU friend?”

Grief has been heard.  He has been seen.  He sighs in his recognition.

Together you become one.

grief

Why do I cough and how to shift it

My life externally, is slowly beginning to change, and it is a result of me changing on the inside.

It has been a simple perspective shift that has allowed me to see my external environment differently.

I am finding that I have a deeper gratitude for what already exists.  I knew I needed to move closer towards this.  I could view it while I was in the chaos and destruction of change.  My head would remind me that I needed deeper gratitude.  I could see that I wasn’t giving thanks to all that I have present in my life.  I was merely looking at what I didn’t have, or what I wanted to change.

For example, Neil gives me pretty much anything I want.  I’m not a materialistic person by any means, so its not like I go shopping on his Credit Card.  But I know, if I want anything, I could ask him, and he’d almost give it to me.

He pays the mortgage, he pays the utilities, he pays for the greater percentage of food, all meals out, gas for the car I drive.  He pretty much covers it all.  And here’s me – saying – “I’m not happy”.  Whilst from the outside looking in, one can judge me to be spoilt, lucky, what do I have to be unhappy about, ‘hard done by – as Neil once said.  And yes, I would agree with you.  But it is also VERY important to not undermine, the importance of acknowledging how we feel, despite our environments.

Once upon a time, I had a female client when I was a Personal Trainer.  I viewed her as having the world.  She was a well educated psychologist.  Her husband was (is) a world renowned Author, earning money beyond what most would know, and she was well taken care of.  She owned a Mini Cooper, she shopped regularly at lululemon and other high end stores.  She practiced Yoga daily, had a wealth of friends and family, and basically lived this charmed life, by my judgement.  But little did I know, she wasn’t happy.  Some years later I learnt that tragically, she took her own life. She’d become depressed and felt she was a burden on her husband and those loved ones around her.

This story is a prime example of how we can so easily negate how we are feeling deep down, despite our personal life circumstances.

I believe one of the challenges of our time, is living in this materialistic world, where we are buying more and more things, to fill the void within us.  We pass our emotions off, saying #firstworldproblems, and compare what we have to Joe Bloggs down the road, reminding ourselves we have more than most.  Which may be true, but we fail to acknowledge that deep yearning within us, that needs our attention dearly.

Without our attention, we continue to fill our “god made hole with god knows what” – to quote my counselling teacher – Deborah Womack.

I have been listening to Dr Wayne Dyer speak all morning – and if you’re not aware of his teachings, best you introduce yourself to him.  Sadly he left his body last week, moving on to his next adventure – which he was very excited about.  He has left a legacy behind him, so you can still awaken your soul by listening and watching.  Wayne spent one year, practicing detachment.  Letting go of those material things in his life, that took him further away from himself.

He says “we enter this life with nothing, NoThing, and we leave with nothing, NoThing”.

Notice when we let go of our favorite possessions, food or other, how we might feel.  We can distract ourselves SO greatly by focusing on items outside of ourselves.

So to come back to what I was saying, I could distract myself by looking at my external situation; Neil supports my life, and pays for most of my expenses, and use my ego to make myself feel temporarily better, or I can acknowledge how I’m really feeling underlying this, and explore, what is the real reason I am unhappy?

This was the journey I chose to make.

I have been acknowledging my sadness, which turned into grief, which for me, has turned into a sore throat, and coughing at night.  When we don’t release our emotions completely,  they get trapped in our bodies, and we unconsciously chose to release them that way, ie – this cold I have created.

If we all began to turn our attention inwards, to that inner calling, those deep desires, the language of the soul, we would embark of the greatest journey to date.  We would connect with something greater than ourselves, and flow in our purpose of life, without effort, with grace & divinity.

It may start with a choice to detach from your addictions and material desires, it may start with a meditation practice.  However you choose to start.  Start.

No big things are created without one small step towards it.

Dr Wayne Dyer | why do I cough?

I have cracked wide open

Today there is not to much else to do or understand, but just be and write a little.

It feels like everything is coming to a head, and life as I currently know it is changing, not before my eyes – because that actually hasn’t happened yet – but on my insides.

Since doing a breath work/sound healing yesterday afternoon, it has brought up all the emotions attached to my current situation.  (in case you haven’t read anything; the ‘up in the air-ness’ of my love relationship, my purpose/job/career, my country location…) Three very big life topics to look at at the same time.

I am feeling slightly split open, cracked, cloudy, foggy, unclear, sad, frustrated, sometimes angry, introspective, just to name a few.

This morning I don’t know what to do with myself.  Simple feels like a great place to start, so I have meditated, and now I am writing as I heat my breakfast and sip on lemon water.

I had a lovely supportive chat with Lynne yesterday afternoon – she reminded me of how the ego often needs to crack so that new life can pour in.  I’ve experienced this once before in my life, and that was in about 2008 – the time in my life when I became depressed & I can compare it to that time – minus the depression – thank god!

Its like trying to think a thought or ask a question – and all you see is blank unlimited space.

What should I do today? Blank Space

What do I feel like doing? Blank Space

Its an interesting place to be.  Hence pulling it back to simplicity.  Something I think my mind failed with when I entered depression.  That over thinking, need to know, brain of mine…

Its when the blankies hit “Blank Space”, then one resorts to a moment by moment affair of what one (me) wants to do with her time.

Which in essence, is all there ever is.  This moment in time.  The next does not exist yet & never will, until it then becomes the present moment.

We strive to achieve this type of presence in meditation.  Being in the here and now, connecting with breath & as I always like to do, my guides/angels & the magic that exists in the spaces between worlds.

Though, this said, lets not discount our minds and how much struggle they can go into & cause us when they are no longer needed (in this sense).

They have been built on us trying to create our lives in our minds.  I will live in this country, with this partner, I’d like to do this in the world, and earn this much money, so that we can go on holiday, live a bountiful life and feel happy…

Uh uh – this doesn’t even exist – our minds have created this scene based on past experiences & future ideas for pure entertainment pleasure – so that we can trick ourselves in magically feeling safe in the world.  This is the life that I want to live and am working towards – therefore I am SAFE!  When the reality is, life is lived moment by moment, it happens to us as a co-creation with us.

What I’m writing is so not anything new – no new concept to you at all, however it is the execution of it, that makes it all the more powerful.  Dropping ideas and conditioning and surrendering to the unknown and what life will gift us.

I shared a conversation with my neighbor the other day.  We were talking about drinking and why people drink.  She told me that she finds life boring, so having a drink is something has makes her feel good.  This is exactly the conditioning we are living with.  If we are not open & available to lifes’ gifts, then the mind will get bored.  We’re not open to being guided by our souls calling, leading us on our own personal adventure.

I don’t want to live a half arsed life – I never have, I feel now, that there has always been a strong will guiding me on my adventures.  Even as my head has been in the way for most of my life – I can now sense that it has always been there guiding me.

So the journey home is not an easy one, but a courageous one that will show you parts of yourself that you may not have wished to see, but it is well worth it.  Beyond worth.  It is life.  There is nothing else.  As if you pass this life having not experienced that wonder that is you, well have you really lived?

My biggest fear is dying without having release my magic within, having not met my purpose…

Soul-Full Sundays Interview

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In a forum recently, the lovely Carrie, of carriehensley.com asked for volunteers for her popular Sunday Soul-Full Series.

I put my hand up at the opportunity to share my message…

Read the post here.

 

 

 

 

 

Choosing a life with 0% alcohol in the name of GREATNESS

 

Drugs and Alcohol.

Most people in todays’ day are familiar with them and are likely to have tried either/or, or both.

Since my teenage years I have known alcohol only to well.

I was raised in New Zealand.  A small country where it is seen as ‘normal’ to have alcohol as part of your lifestyle.  It was not at all uncommon to have a fully stocked beer fridge at all times, just in case that impromptu guest happened to drop by, and to seal the evening with a couple of bevies.  Steve, Mums partner during the time of my childhood even made home brew – so the house was never short of alcohol.

All occasions consisted of the family gathering at someones home, bringing along their share of cans for the day or evening.  It was normal.  Like food is for survival.  Alcohol is for socializing.

Like the lives of most typical teenagers – there in consists of announcements of house parties most weekends. Alcohol is a very prominent part of a party – and so like adults, like children, you take your desired beverage for consumption to said school house party.

I always felt pretty lucky, as Mum would always purchase my alcohol for me despite being under age.  A lot of friends had to ask older kids with fake I.Ds to buy theirs.

Fast forward some 23 years later why am I bringing this discussion up?

As I review my 23 years of consuming alcohol, I have reflected on why.  Why do/did I drink this stuff that makes me feel foggy headed, and crap the next day, if not subsequent days.

During my London days I could drink until the wee hours of the morning, and get up the next day to continue the game again.  Good ole 2o’s!

It’s only now sitting on the other side of this time, having learnt invaluable life lessons that I can completely understand why I did it.

In my understanding – Alcohol is a form of escapism.  Of not accepting parts of ourselves we want to happily keep hidden.  Alcohol allows us to feel more socially accepted, allows us to escape our anxiety, or awkwardness and insecurities.  As soon as we have a few drinks, we can feel more relaxed, unwind and at ease with the world around us.

Alcohol can sometimes allow us to be the person we really wish we could be, by eliminating our inhibitions.  But allowing us to open up.  Say the things we wish we could say when we’re sober.  Be funny.  Be bold.  Be uninhibited.  It is a drink of courage that makes us feel more powerful and successful, more self accepting.  That is until it wears off and reality settles in again.

I experienced all of this.  I would drink to excess.  I did not like myself, and was hiding from this pain.

Sometimes I would have two on the go at one time.  We used to have a rule that you couldn’t be double parked, and if you were, it was an automatic cause to skull one of your drinks.

2001 – I arrived in Sydney, Australia after my 2.5 years as a backpacker through London & Europe.  I was known as Heidi – the mullet party girl backpacker.  I was fortunate to land on my feet when I arrived in Aussie.  One of my London buddies, lived in a massive heritage listed house in North Sydney.  There was plenty of room for me in her lounge to stay, until I figured out my next move.

One night, all 4 flatmates of the house, including myself and some friends partook in a weekly ‘Doohat Dinner’.  We gathered and shared a meal and drinks together.  One of the flatmates Jaysin and I, were going drink for drink with each other.  He was making mine, and without a doubt was stitching me up.  I’m sure he was making mine half vodka, half mixer!  After dinner we decided to go out to a local bar down the road.  I remember stumbling down the road, the night air making me more drunk each step I took.  My head was spinning, yet I was determined to charge on.  I had a persona to uphold.  I believe I made it to the entrance of the bar, but struggled to hold myself up.  Nicola – another flatmate – thought it best I turn around and head on back home, so took it upon herself to walk me.  She put me to my bed in the lounge, with a bucket in hand, and wished me goodnight.  I remember that bucket became a valued companion that night.  This is one story of many.

Alcohol dulls our senses and gives us a false sense of ourselves.  It diminishes our bodies ability to process thoughts and energy.  It puts us in a lower state of vibration and invites in lower vibrating energies.  Negativity, Paranoia, Anger, Frustration to name a few.

As I continue along my spiritual journey of consciousness expansion, the more I become a sensitive – energetic being, and the more I do not resonate with drugs & alcohol.  I feel these toxins in other people, and when I partake in a drink or two – I feel a diminished vibrancy, expansion & aliveness.

Up until this morning, I have been somewhat happy to drink the odd drink here and there, and accept that this is normal.  Well, normal in the sense that if I do it, I will fit it.  If I don’t, then what??

Today I’m making the decision to cross into the ‘then what’ space.

I acknowledge that I no longer need alcohol in my life.  I am no longer hiding from who I am.  I do not need it to feel comfortable with myself.  I do not need it to have a good time.  I certainly do not need it to fit in.  I have decided to eliminate alcohol from my life.  And it’s not that I’m a big drinker anyway, so this doesn’t feel like a big thing.  It’s just that I am recognizing that I do not want this in my life anymore.  I am giving myself permission to own my power, vibrancy, aliveness in its wholeness!

I am choosing to feel good.  All the time.   I do the work.  I derseve to give this to myself.  I take personal responsibility for my health and wellbeing.  I do not want lower vibrating energies feeding off me.

Anxiety, depression, negativity are lower vibing qualities that don’t support striving towards a place of greatness in my life.

I am currently feeling unsatisfied in my life and I am the only person who can choose to change this.  I want AMAZING for my life!  I want to awake, feeling excited and in wonder & awe of life.  Not to know it, but to feel it. Every god darn day!

Feeling good is a choice, one that we all have.  We can all take steps, baby if need to be, eliminate negativity and lower vibing from around us.

I had this conversation with Neil this morning.  I told him that I have the power to choose what I want, and want I don’t want.  I told him that I don’t want drugs and alcohol in my life.  This invites him to choose what he wants.  If he chooses drugs and alcohol – he looses me.  Its as simple as that.  The choices we need to make might not be pretty – but this is why it takes courage to create the life we want to live!

In the home today it is a blurry state of acceptance and sorrydom as the haze of hangoverness sleeps.  The words have been spoken, and are awaiting rest.  The next few days will show the results of change, and what will unfold.

I eagerly await the rise of the new, from the old.

 

my alcohol free life

What is my life purpose?

Today I answered a bunch of questions for a fellow Amazing Life + Biz Academy Member, for the opportunity to be featured on her blog as part of her Soul-Full Sunday Interviews.  I have just read one of Carries’ blog posts, and it appears we are both Sexual Abuse thrivers.    I use the description thrive, as Survivor does not feel like a fit for me anymore.

I feel that I now THRIVE, that my story is simply that, something that shaped me into the amazing woman I have become in the world today.  I no longer resonate with that story, however I still wish to share parts of it, as I wish to show other women that there is a way forward from the darkness of your secret.

I share these answers with you, as I shared them with Carrie, as there is a message to be heard.  A message of inspiration.  Showing another way for women who have experienced the pain that abuse can cause.

It is time to rise up into the being that you are here to be in this world.  It is time.

 

How are you following your life path (dharma)?
In each moment I am aware of who I’m choosing to be in the world. I try to make sure that I am present with each & every person I come into contact with. I take personal responsibility for my body & being and trust by doing so, that I teach others that it is possible for them also.
I recently started working at lululemon athletica here in Canada. I love that the girls I’m working with thought that I was 26! I’m actually 36 and ½! I feel like that’s a pretty awesome testament to me!

Have you always had this calling? If not, was it a sudden/gradual shift?
I believe I have. I fit into that known story of not fitting in at school. My story begun with learning I didn’t have a Dad at the age of 5, then at the age of 8 – was sexually abused by my Mums boyfriend. I took on the beliefs that I wasn’t good enough to have a Dad & in the second example – shut down my emotions as I didn’t know how to deal with the situation.

It’s only in hindsight I see that I spent my teens & early 20’s ‘running’ from myself. I left my home country of New Zealand at the age of 20, from here life was hard and fast. I partied hard, engaged in recreational drugs, exercised like a mad woman & was determined my body defined how I felt about myself.
I entered a body building competition in 2006 – I spent 1 year working towards that goal. After competition & a Vision Quest I completed as part of my Life Coaching studies, my world fell apart.
This intention of my quest was ‘to shine’, I went through a very dark knight of the soul with depression for 2.5 years. This forced me to acknowledge the pain that I’d kept hidden from my childhood that I had been running from.
As I pulled through – I learnt that there was so much wonder & beauty in the world. I knew I had a purpose in this life that involved inspiring others to heal from their pain.

What did you have to give up by honoring your path?
I’ve let go of a lot!
Fear, Doubt, Worry, Anxiety, Pain, Lack…
I’d say in aligning to something greater that feels good, I’ve chosen to let go of the things that haven’t supported me feeling good.
This might look like; big nights out, binge drinking, recreational drugs, gossip, TV, reading Newspapers/Magazines, eating processed foods, sugar, non organic meat, obsessive exercise habits…
The physical things I mentioned just fell away as I changed. It wasn’t about letting go of them because I thought I needed to. It’s was about aligning to something greater, about making the CHOICE to FEEL good. To feel GREAT.

What have you learned/gained by remembering your true nature (honoring your path)?
That I am unlimited… I have everything that I could ever need, in this moment & every moment. All I need to do is align to the vibration of what I want, and I will attract what I need, or the steps to move closer towards attracting what I need.

That it is an absolute CHOICE to feel good. It doesn’t just happen, it is something that you need to work at. Chose to eat healthy nutritional food, chose healthy movement habits, choice healthy work & social environments, chose healthy thoughts…

What is one thing you do every week to honor your innermost authentic Self (connection to Source)?
I do a lot of things. I LOVE nature…. I will take time out and visit the local woods and breathe, probably even hug & talk to the trees there.
I will watch the insects and birds & notice how they might invite me in & let each other know that I’m there.

I meditate daily. I give thanks to Great Spirit and acknowledge its existence.

What is one treat you can share with us to bring along on our own path towards freedom?
Oh SO many…. But one.
Um, I would invite you to observe your mind.
Watch your thoughts.
Sit in quiet contemplation, or meditation and observe.
Or, if you don’t feel ready (yet), to start. Journal.
Write. Write. Write.
Write unedited on a blank sheet of paper. Just allow anything that enters your mind to be expressed onto that sheet. Give yourself 20 minutes of pure uninterrupted time to express your minds thoughts.

What is my life purpose?