What my coughing really means..

My life externally, is slowing beginning to change, and it is a result of me changing on the inside.

It has been a simple perspective shift that has allowed me to see my external environment differently.

I am finding that I have a deeper gratitude for what already exists. ¬†I knew I needed to move closer towards this. ¬†I could view it while I was in the chaos and destruction of change. ¬†My head would remind me that I needed deeper gratitude. ¬†I could see that I wasn’t giving thanks to all that I have present in my life. ¬†I was merely looking at what I didn’t have, or what I wanted to change.

For example, Neil gives me pretty much anything I want. ¬†I’m not a materialistic person by any means, so its not like I go shopping on his Credit Card. ¬†But I know, if I want anything, I could ask him, and he’d almost give it to me.

He pays the mortgage, he pays the utilities, he pays for the greater percentage of food, all meals out, gas for the car I drive. ¬†He pretty much covers it all. ¬†And here’s me – saying – “I’m not happy”. ¬†Whilst from the outside looking in, one can judge me to be spoilt, lucky, what do I have to be unhappy about, ‘hard done by – as Neil once said. ¬†And yes, I would agree with you. ¬†But it is also VERY important to not undermine, the importance of acknowledging how we feel, despite our environments.

Once upon a time, I had a female client when I was a Personal Trainer. ¬†I viewed her as having the world. ¬†She was a well educated psychologist. ¬†Her husband was a world renowned Author, earning money beyond what most would know, and she was well taken care of. ¬†She owned a Mini Cooper, she shopped regularly at lululemon and other high end stores. ¬†She practiced Yoga daily, had a wealth of friends and family, and basically lived this charmed life, by my judgement. ¬†But little did I know, she wasn’t happy. ¬†Some years later I learnt that tragically, she took her own life. She’d become depressed and felt she was a burden on her husband and those loved ones around her.

This story is a prime example of how we can so easily negate how we are feeling deep down, despite our personal life circumstances.

I believe one of the challenges of our time, is living in this materialistic world, where we are buying more and more things, to fill the void within us.  We pass our emotions off, saying #firstworldproblems, and compare what we have to Joe Bloggs down the road, reminding ourselves we have more than most.  Which may be true, but we fail to acknowledge that deep yearning within us, that needs our attention dearly.

Without our attention, we continue to fill our god made hole with god knows what – to quote my counselling teacher – Deborah Womack.

I have been listening to Dr Wayne Dyer speak all morning – and if you’re not aware of his teachings, best you introduce yourself to him. ¬†Sadly he left his body last week, moving on to his next adventure – which he was very excited about. ¬†He has left a legacy behind him, so you can still awaken your soul by listening, watching. ¬†Wayne spent one year, practicing detachment. ¬†Letting go of those material things in his life, that took him further away from himself.

He says “we enter this life with nothing, NoThing, and we leave with nothing, NoThing”.

Notice when we let go of our favorite possessions, food or other, how we might feel.  We can distract ourselves SO greatly by focusing on items outside of ourselves.

So to come back to what I was saying, I could distract myself by¬†looking at my external situation; Neil supports my life, and pays for most of my expenses, and use my ego to make myself feel temporarily better, or I can acknowledge how I’m really feeling underlying this, and explore, what is the real reason I am unhappy?

This was the journey I chose to make.

I have been¬†acknowledging my sadness, which turned into grief, which for me, has turned into a sore throat, and coughing at night. ¬†When we don’t release our emotions completely,¬†¬†they get trapped in our bodies, and we unconsciously chose to release them that way, ie – this cold I have created.

If we all began to turn our attention inwards, to that inner calling, those deep desires, the language of the soul, we would embark of the greatest journey to date.  We would connect with something greater than ourselves, and flow in our purpose of life, without effort, with grace & divinity.

It may start with a choice to detach from your addictions and material desires, it may start with a meditation practice.  However you choose to start.  Start.

No big things are created without one small step towards it.

Dr Wayne Dyer

I nearly died. No really, I did!!!

I just read some sad news on Facebook this evening, where it triggered a recent experience I feel I need to write about again.

When we loose someone dear to us in life, it can bring up a stack of questions that often we don’t know how to¬†answer.

learning from near death experiences

What for?
What are we here for?
What’s it all about?

The topic of Death can be an uncomfortable one, especially if it’s not something we have chosen to explore at this point.

When I was a little kid, I remember Mum explaining the basic physicality of Death.

You die, you get buried in a coffin in the ground, that’s it.

For many many nights after that, I’d go to bed, and try to wrap my head around the thought of, you die & that it is. ¬†That is it!

I just couldn’t fathom that thought! ¬†It made absolutely no sense to me! ¬†How could we be here, for one life and then POOF, we’re gone, that’s it?!

I guess this is where my quest for the truth began, at this young age.

I believe that we intuitively know what we are here for, but it’s whether or not we’re tuned into that inner knowing, and trusting its truth, that determines our faith in life.

I feel that I have known this truth since my personal development journey began around 10 years ago, so I guess this is what prepared me for the experience I had a few weeks ago.

They say that until you’ve faced what it means to die, can you really get comfortable with living.

How many are so afraid of dying?
Have you pondered your death?
Do you know how you want to die?
Who will be around you?
What legacy do you plan on leaving behind?
Will you need support in your transition?
Will you be at home, a hospital, a nursing home?

Are these questions super confronting, or can you answer them with ease?

For now, what I have been reflecting on over the last few weeks is my own confrontation with my mortality.

I have been somewhat reluctant to write about this, as it has the potential for grand discussion & question – I guess this topic is unavoidable of that, but one that something we all will face one day.

The main message I want to share, is that Death is not something to be feared at all.

How can I say that with such self assertiveness?

I experienced it, just a few weeks ago.

I felt my moment arive and it felt so perfect.

It was MY moment.

Where everything in my life had majestically orchestrated to the arrival of MY moment, it was time to leave my body.

I saw life, and I understood her completely.

It was blissful.  Magical.  Beyond words.

I was one with EVERYTHING, and life was but a school of adventures, and lessons that I had been sent to to learn.

I felt energy leave my body, as I surrendered to my life and leaving it.  I was ready to go, I was experiencing my last breath, about to cross the threshold.

There was no sadness, only perfection as it was all part of the divine plan.

But, life slowly returned to my lifeless body, as my soul was connected to Neil’s and it wasn’t ready to leave his behind. ¬†Bless his soul.

Our souls spoke softly, peacefully, energetically in the language of love, the soul language.

It was an experience that I will never forget.

And as it happened, it continues to unfold it’s lessons on me.

The gift of life that we have been blessed with to experience as energetic beings!

As energetic beings, in our pure state unbound by physicality, all we know is LOVE.

And so to experience ourselves fully, we are blessed to have this human experience to learn of our complexities and diverseness, the polarities of every spectrum.


Or as Nahko sings;
“If you knew what for you were for, and how you became so informed, bodies of info performing such miracles, I am a miracle made up of particles. And in this existence. I’ll stay persistent, and I’ll make a difference, and I will have lived it.”

And so the point I wish to make is;
Remember who you are!
Remember why you are here!
Embrace your LIFE.
Grab it wholeheartedly with every ounce of your being!
Be it with great sadness!
Be it with with great joy!
Choose to experience it full and with your heart wide open, because a life half lived, is not a life lived at all.
Do not die with the joy still in you.
Let it flow NOW!

There are so many angles to this story that I could share, and yet, I’m not sure I can find all the words in this moment to do so. ¬†I think it will be a constant unfolding of insights for me. ¬†Maybe later blogs to share?

I wish for you, that when your moment arrives, that you know you have lived with every ounce of your being, that the moment feels perfect, and you know you have made a difference to your soul and the lives of those around you.

Chose to be here now.  Absolutely, and fully Рbecause we are the miracle of life.


(Whilst it’s kinda selfish for me to¬†assume you to automatically learn my words and make them your mantra,¬†what I really wish for more so than ever, is to invoke curiosity in you. ¬†Explore, enquire & self reflect on your life & purpose. ¬†You will find your own resources and guidance that will lead you to your own answers.)