The calling of my soul…

I’ve heard this term a bit over my years, it was always one of those coaching descriptions that I understood intellectually, but didn’t yet have an experience of.

It’s a bit like your Mum/Dad/Grandparents, telling you, you just know when you’ve met that person you want to marry.

There’s a deep inner resonance with your soul.

A souls calling…  It communicating with you, calling you to take action around something deeply meaningful & transformative.

I feel like mine is yelling at me right now.

There is a restlessness within me, that feels like it won’t relax until I do the very thing it is calling me to do.

I’m pretty excited about it, I feel like I’ve been dancing between worlds of action & inaction for the last number of months.  I’ve learnt that there isn’t one clear straight road from point A to point B.  Sometimes, manytimes, one needs to take stock, smell the flowers, spend time with the flowers, get to know the purpose of these flowers before the journey continues.

I’m proud to say that I have been pretty compassionate towards myself during this time.  I am no longer the freight train that I used to be in getting tasks done.  Sometimes it can frustrate me that I don’t see results when I want to see them.  But then, as I’ve now learnt that I am connected to a bigger force at play, the end result is going to always be larger than I could’ve ever anticipated!

For a while now, I have had a goal, a dream, an idea that I will write a book.  I’ve seen it as being some sort of memoir about healing from sexual abuse, awakening to oneself into a life that is foreign and scary, and taking baby steps each day to integrate newness and wonder.

I figure that I can’t be the only woman or perhaps man out in the world, that has had to experience this sad reality. And that is the thing.  This story isn’t a sad one anymore.  It is an experience that has molded and shaped me into the very woman I am today.  Who knows who I would’ve been had I not of chosen this life to incarnate into.  We choose our life’s and experiences so that we can walk the path that we came here to.  When we are here, it’s a funny thing to reflect back on our human experiences and be so connected to them, as again, we are apart of a bigger magic.

This idea of my book has and is shaping each month that passes.  As I continue to focus on it, it continues to get clearer and clearer, I get more excited about its impending arrival.

Each time I sit down to write, there are a multiple billion word options available to me to use, it is curious which ones will choose my page.

My calling is getting stronger.  I am planning an escape into the forest, to be surrounded only by the trees, nature and water.  I am creating a space to invite the words to spill forth and create this book.  It is an exciting time.  I can feel that there is more available to me than I can conceive of.  And I feel ever more curious to read this book as I am to write it.

Spirit has a message to share through me, and I can’t wait to be its messenger.

 

 

What is my life purpose?

Today I answered a bunch of questions for a fellow Amazing Life + Biz Academy Member, for the opportunity to be featured on her blog as part of her Soul-Full Sunday Interviews.  I have just read one of Carries’ blog posts, and it appears we are both Sexual Abuse thrivers.    I use the description thrive, as Survivor does not feel like a fit for me anymore.

I feel that I now THRIVE, that my story is simply that, something that shaped me into the amazing woman I have become in the world today.  I no longer resonate with that story, however I still wish to share parts of it, as I wish to show other women that there is a way forward from the darkness of your secret.

I share these answers with you, as I shared them with Carrie, as there is a message to be heard.  A message of inspiration.  Showing another way for women who have experienced the pain that abuse can cause.

It is time to rise up into the being that you are here to be in this world.  It is time.

 

How are you following your life path (dharma)?
In each moment I am aware of who I’m choosing to be in the world. I try to make sure that I am present with each & every person I come into contact with. I take personal responsibility for my body & being and trust by doing so, that I teach others that it is possible for them also.
I recently started working at lululemon athletica here in Canada. I love that the girls I’m working with thought that I was 26! I’m actually 36 and ½! I feel like that’s a pretty awesome testament to me!

Have you always had this calling? If not, was it a sudden/gradual shift?
I believe I have. I fit into that known story of not fitting in at school. My story begun with learning I didn’t have a Dad at the age of 5, then at the age of 8 – was sexually abused by my Mums boyfriend. I took on the beliefs that I wasn’t good enough to have a Dad & in the second example – shut down my emotions as I didn’t know how to deal with the situation.

It’s only in hindsight I see that I spent my teens & early 20’s ‘running’ from myself. I left my home country of New Zealand at the age of 20, from here life was hard and fast. I partied hard, engaged in recreational drugs, exercised like a mad woman & was determined my body defined how I felt about myself.
I entered a body building competition in 2006 – I spent 1 year working towards that goal. After competition & a Vision Quest I completed as part of my Life Coaching studies, my world fell apart.
This intention of my quest was ‘to shine’, I went through a very dark knight of the soul with depression for 2.5 years. This forced me to acknowledge the pain that I’d kept hidden from my childhood that I had been running from.
As I pulled through – I learnt that there was so much wonder & beauty in the world. I knew I had a purpose in this life that involved inspiring others to heal from their pain.

What did you have to give up by honoring your path?
I’ve let go of a lot!
Fear, Doubt, Worry, Anxiety, Pain, Lack…
I’d say in aligning to something greater that feels good, I’ve chosen to let go of the things that haven’t supported me feeling good.
This might look like; big nights out, binge drinking, recreational drugs, gossip, TV, reading Newspapers/Magazines, eating processed foods, sugar, non organic meat, obsessive exercise habits…
The physical things I mentioned just fell away as I changed. It wasn’t about letting go of them because I thought I needed to. It’s was about aligning to something greater, about making the CHOICE to FEEL good. To feel GREAT.

What have you learned/gained by remembering your true nature (honoring your path)?
That I am unlimited… I have everything that I could ever need, in this moment & every moment. All I need to do is align to the vibration of what I want, and I will attract what I need, or the steps to move closer towards attracting what I need.

That it is an absolute CHOICE to feel good. It doesn’t just happen, it is something that you need to work at. Chose to eat healthy nutritional food, chose healthy movement habits, choice healthy work & social environments, chose healthy thoughts…

What is one thing you do every week to honor your innermost authentic Self (connection to Source)?
I do a lot of things. I LOVE nature…. I will take time out and visit the local woods and breathe, probably even hug & talk to the trees there.
I will watch the insects and birds & notice how they might invite me in & let each other know that I’m there.

I meditate daily. I give thanks to Great Spirit and acknowledge its existence.

What is one treat you can share with us to bring along on our own path towards freedom?
Oh SO many…. But one.
Um, I would invite you to observe your mind.
Watch your thoughts.
Sit in quiet contemplation, or meditation and observe.
Or, if you don’t feel ready (yet), to start. Journal.
Write. Write. Write.
Write unedited on a blank sheet of paper. Just allow anything that enters your mind to be expressed onto that sheet. Give yourself 20 minutes of pure uninterrupted time to express your minds thoughts.

What is my life purpose?

Oh life you interesting monkey…

Oh life, you are an interesting monkey at times…

Today I share my Vlog about what space I’ve been in, and why it is a necessary part of growth & development…

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

With love, always <3

Mediocre to Great – Great to Amazing, Amazing to Unbelievable, Unbelievable to ….

I wrote this blog this morning on my work ‘intranet’ blog, but felt it pertinent for anyone who runs their own business, or in a Customer Service type role…

 

I started writing out my Vision yet again, and I always love how it is a ever evolving thing, never still or stationary – much like ourselves.

This time, I thought about what I wanted, but I found myself asking – why?

Why do I wish for these things for myself?  What is the purpose of an individual goal/vision.  Yes, it is relevant absolutely, as it is my life, a life, one life I am driving.  Although it is definitely not separate to anything else in this world.  So what is the purpose of fulfilling my goal or vision if nothing else surrounding me advances in its process?

There is a greater purpose at play, not just my speck of dust purpose in the pool of this varst ocean of people.

When I ‘achieve’ my vision so to speak, what does that mean for the rest of the world?

Are they still sitting on their butts thinking about the goals they wished they had of achieved?  I hope not.

I wish for more go-getters in this life, imagine if the people that surrounded you and further, were as much of a go-getter as you are?  What if the people around you cared equally, if not more for the planet that we live on?  What would that mean to your life and the life of others?  Something even more beautiful beyond comprehension right?

So what if our goals were about others?  Not to cancel out our own, as I’m sure if you’re reading this, you are a progressed enough soul to acknowledge how many years you have been plugging away at your purpose and goals, no you are well aware of your wants, desires, challenges etc… and you’ve got them down.

This extends beyond that, this goes beyond personal responsibility.  This moves into the next step, of responsibility for others.  Not to take on theirs, but to teach them responsibility for self.

Much like the journey of Educator to Key Leader, from Key Leader to ASM and so on…

How we do one thing in life, we do everything. 

Because you are an employee of xyz or self employed business owner, what does that mean in your life, your personal world?  Who are you being outside of this role?  Do you treat strangers the same way you would treat your work customers?  Do you aim to inspire Greatness to the person serving your daily coffee or breakfast?

How do you inspire those around you, beyond the store, into being someone greater than they know themselves to be?

What kind of world do you want to live in?  What will it look like around you when you’re reached your 10 year Vision?

The mystery of evolution 

During this time, as Mercury goes Retrograde for the next three weeks, I find myself deeply reflective of the past number of weeks. I can’t say how many.

If I’m really honest with myself – they have been somewhat challenging. The context seems irrelevant.

As if I attach to the context, that could be the very thing supporting me to feel challenged. Whereas if I surrender, I float in a bubble of purity & openness.

An old friend wrote to me this week, and what she wrote really landed.

“Yes I understand what you mean regarding the situation with your business. I wonder if it is a reset in some way due to the re-emergence of the feminine, inviting us as women to sit, to hold and allow creativity to emerge…….. rather than being born of action and goal setting……so masculine, so controling, where is the trust in that?”

These were her exact written words.

Wow!

It’s SO profoundly true!

As women – we are still so masculine. Seeking to provide for our families, go to work, run a business, set goals, change the world. I don’t think there is anything wrong with this. But my friends words have me pondering.

Perhaps this paradigm shift is still VERY different from the ideas and that we/I are still driving.

Perhaps this reflective time for me is about completely rewriting my concept of life. Another opportunity to blow ideas from my mind, paving way for new inspired ways.

It’s not an easy ride I tell you.

To surrender it all takes courage. And damn right I am one helava courageous soul.

I release what I think I know, to arrive into the vast expanse of the unknown.

From here, well… That is a mystery.

What to do when life as you know it changes…

One of my biggest challenges in life so far is one of surrender.

Surrendering to what is, as opposed to what I want to be.

A lot of the time it is relatively easy.  Surrendering to a rest when I wanted to exercise.  Surrendering to not getting all the housework done when there are other to do’s to do.  Surrendering to not going out with friends when I need to catch up with myself.

These are all lessons in there own regard, but one’s I’ve been able to go with the flow with.

But what if the lessons are a little larger to let go of, what if it is something that you can feel grips you until your breaking point?

Currently it feels as though my experience of life changes daily.  What I thought I previously understood, changes in an instant!

Thoughts I’ve had about how to do something, or how I think something will unfold, can change as quickly as a thought.

And in that statement it says it all really.

Because everything that we believe is only a mere thought that can be changed in an instant.

And so to be in the experience of, is really all there is.

So how can one be attached to thoughts in life when they are mere fictions in our mind?

It is the conditioning of the mind, and the lessons of a lifetime to undo the conditioning of what we have learnt.

I find myself in observation of being attached to particular thoughts, only to discover that these are untrue.

My most recent one is recognizing how my Ego wants recognition.

Having commenced a ‘new’ job, one where I felt like I knew the basics of really well, I found it quite a challenge to be treated as a newbie and have to under go the training of it all over again.

I found that internally I was saying quite often “I know this, or I know that”.

It made me feel less than, to think that these people thought I knew nothing all over again.
(This wasn’t truth, merely my own projection of how I feel about myself).

And so my ego felt somewhat wounded, wounded through lack of recognition.

And in this, I realize how much I seek recognition.  Recognition that I somehow know enough, and not just within the confines of my job, but in life.

I want people to recognize that I know what I know.  To believe that I am as amazing as I believe myself to be.

I am aware of how I wish more than anything, for people to see me and be in awe of.

Which when I really ask myself, is not how I want to live my life.  Being awed.  I want everyone to recognize their own awe within.  The Guru within.

This feels like one small puzzle piece in the recent jumbo puzzle that is unfolding.  The one where I pulled my energies back into place, and saw that I no longer needed to ‘fit in’ to be accepted.  That it is actually ok, to simply be me.  And in aligning with simply being me, I am learning new lessons around this.

That now, people might not resonate with me, because I am me.  And that that’s not my fault, or problem.  I don’t need to change who I am in order to make them more comfortable or like me.

I have often kept myself in a safe space of creating an illusion of being on a pedestal.  Not that I think that I’m any better than anyone else, but it has been a mechanism that has kept me safe.  If I am ok, and somewhat understanding of those around me, then I cannot be vulnerable.  Which again is another untruth.  Because I am surrendering more and more to being vulnerable.  If I am not open to being vulnerable, then how can I invite others to be?!  However this is also something than continues to unfold.

Breaking down the confines of who you think you are, to move towards who you innately are, is one courageous feat, and I feel like it is something that does not end.  Perhaps in stages within our lives we are confronted with greater shifts that need to happen, as opposed to the more subtle one’s that happen almost unknowingly like shedding dry skin in winter.

At times we are called to pull deep within our being in order to acknowledge our inner call, initially we might not like what we see, and might be in fear of what hides beneath, this is why it takes courage.  Courage that cannot be found on Facebook or our Instagram feed.  We all have the resources that will see us through this journey, but will we take it?  We hear about it through our stories and our social media, but to personally undertake it, is such a different story.  It is our own.

It may take us away from what we understand in life to be real, it may take us away from the people in our lives we thought would be there rain, hail or shine.  It may feel lonely & isolating at times, and that no one is the world could understand what we’re experiencing.

The truth will set you free.  And you will be & you are.

Free from the confines of your mind that has kept you trapped from a life that was created to keep you safe.

Safe from what?  Well, I’ll let you explore that, and it will all become clear when you take your first steps towards your truth.

Why is my life so hard?Be Your Own Guru – NO ONE CAN BE THAT FOR YOU!

 

If you are experiencing steps towards becoming your own Guru, and are in need of guidance, I offer Be Your Own Guru Coaching.  Reach me at me@heidifirth.com