I have really recently had to acknowledge an uncomfortable communication experience, that magically appeared to bring some greater clarity into my life, and open me up to some intentions I set for myself on Tuesday night at the Sacred Circle.
See, I saw it all magically play out, as it was brought to my attention, but totally missed it, as it begun.
With the planning of the Sacred Circle that was held on Tuesday night, it was a new thing that was gathering a life of its own to commence.
It started with a conversation with a friend where, she had read that this was goal of mine as I’d shared it on Facebook.
When we saw each other after that post, she said “Let’s do that, I’d love that!”
So, I jumped, and together we said we’d start it and see what happened.
As I don’t really know many people here in Victoria yet, I said to her, invite whoever you want to come. In that moment, I never really thought of the event as being MINE, more a co-creation of our energies.
I assumed that she was verbally inviting who she knew, and me, well, I couldn’t think of anyone else I knew.
Fast forward Tuesday day, I needed to get me some Nature time, so head out to Thetis Lake. When I arrived, I thought of Erin, another friend that I’ve made here, through Neil. It dawned on me, that I hadn’t personally spoken to her about the event, this somehow now seemed odd. I knew Candace had – the original friend I’d started the conversation with, but I hadn’t even brought the topic up in conversation with Erin.
I thought it best I send Erin a text message and acknowledge this. I hadn’t really thought anything of it, but turns out she had.
The reply I received from her, was one of upset & hurt. “I don’t understand why you didn’t invite me, did I do something?”
Ouch. Ouch for her – Ouch – what have I done?
Of course she hadn’t done anything. What had I done? Why HADN”T I invited her?
While in the woods, I got really honest with that question upon reading that text. Why hadn’t I invited her?
And what I realized, my truth, was that I was intimidated by Erin. I had seen her as someone I had to impress. She is Neil’s nearest & dearest friend. He adores her, he dotes on her, she is Neil’s Erin! I was realizing that through our whole new friendship, I had not been honest at all, with showing her the real HEIDI. I had not been my true self. I had been a lesser uncomfortable version. By me holding this Sacred Circle, I was scared of showing her who I really was, and was afraid that she’d reject me, because I really valued what she thought of who I was.
The truth was pouring out of me as I asked myself this question.
Ouch. Again. What had I done?
Upon realizing my truth, I immediately wanted to clear it. Have an opportunity to talk. But Erin on the other side of the phone, did not. She wasn’t ready.
There was nothing I could do to change this.
I called Neil and told him what had happened. What I’d done. I knew he wasn’t happy. Ouch.
Fast forward to the evening. Neil arrived home. His first words upon walking through the door, “What have you done to Erin? She’s pissed. Just kidding!” Though I knew he wasn’t.
I explained my side of the story, to which he heard and tried to support me, though I could tell I was making out to be the villain in this story.
His phone rang. It was Erin. I could hear her voice through the phone. All I heard was Bitch, and the butterflies in my stomach started. Ouch.
After Neil’s conversation, he returned down the stairs and shared with me how upset she was. I knew he was upset with me, and upset that his Erin was upset & he was trying to support me, but a sensitive knows.
Because I was heading out that night, to the Circle, Neil had decided to make plans and was heading over the Todd & Erins house to play… Slight memories of school days surfaced. Gossip fests & back stabbing. Ouch.
Fast forward – I dropped Neil off at their house and headed to the Circle.
During the Circle we voiced our New Moon intentions – and mine has been to create new soul based friendships. Attract Kindred Spirits into my life. Create relationships based on love, compassion, support… All these yummy things. It suddenly occurred to me, that perhaps I hadn’t been this, to attract this? I was acknowledging that I have been scared to be my authentic hippy spiritual self. She’s been present to me, but perhaps not so much in some friendships. I could see what was happening.
The next day, I took myself for a drive. I needed to get out. So I headed down to Dallas Road, to where the beach and the mountains are. Ohhhh the Mountains… I sat in the car and a few things happened.
I began having a conversation with Erin’s Soul about the whole experience. I could see that it had all been a beautiful orchestration of events to bring us together as Kindred Souls! We laughed and joked about the horrible experience we’d created for each other to come together, but we had come together, and that was the purpose! I saw Neil & Erin as Kindred Spirit friends, and understood why they have the friendship that they do. It was all SO clear! I saw Erin & I coming together on a new level – and with that I just cried. I cried and cried… Tears of joy. Tears of acknowledgment of a new time on this Earth. Where Kindred Friendships are and have been forming. Just magic…
However because these soul conversations are new for me, I am still humanly aware that I have to deal with the physicality of our experience. A conversation is still necessary in order to clear whatever lessons have been brought to the light.
Thankfully, Thursday she was ready to meet. Through our soul conversation I knew I needed to present a small gift, a small token to Erin to show her that we’d had that conversation. Though I didn’t know at the time what it needed to be. Her soul had told me – so I know. Wednesday night, I was laying in bed, and the answer hit me. A shell. Erin LOVES shells! And I remembered just the perfect gift. I was sad to be giving this away, as I love him. But happy to be giving him to Erin, and I knew she would love him too. I have a Shell Necklace that I bought with me from Australia, which is a beautiful healing device. He was created to open up to spirit and aid in healing. My little baromay friend. He was perfect. So I jumped out of bed to grab him, and give him a wake up to let him know he was off to a new home.
Roll round Thursday, Erin & I had scheduled to meet at my local coffee shop. I think I must have tuned my new friend Jeff in, as he was there waiting for me. Funny. I told him that I was about to have a significant meeting with a friend and he heard me.
Erin arrived and I could tell we were both a little unsure how it was going to go. I didn’t know whether we were going to run together and embrace like the movies – or nut things out all humanly – who knew. Jeff suggested – did it matter. ha
Sparing the details, as you know them all now. We chatted, cleared and discussed each others side of the story, and heard each other. The details seem irrelevant given the conversation I knew I’d had with her soul the day before.
I gave her the shell necklace and her face lite up! She was captivated by him & wore him immediately. I felt thrilled. It could feel its power hit home.
From there forward, we talked and talked and continued to talk right up until the early afternoon. I felt like we danced and I felt like we shared so many of the same little idiosyncrasies. I hadn’t shared myself with Erin previously, for fear of rejection. Rejection of myself in the world, manifested and projected as Erin rejecting me.
So the magical gift from this uncomfortable communication slip up, was I got to really connect with one of my Kindred Sistas – and it feels AMAZING…
Acknowledge the uncomfortable stuff, face it head on, because what have you got to loose? Pride. Dignity? Move into vulnerability, join the dance with spirit and play… Welcome the magic!