Bali Visa Musings – having no agenda for change

While sitting in the Immigration Office in Bali, I was contemplating how much change my life has undergone, is such a short space of time.  Living within a Silent Retreat has brought me back to simplicity & the heart of what really matters in life.

I now see the many many distractions we create in life to avoid the very things that matter most to us.

For me, there is now no where to run, no where to hide, but face the pressing iceberg that lays in front.

My creativity & mark in the world is forefront.

I witness the talk, the wanting to make a better world, to impact people near & far.

I have had to learn to be humbled in its process, to loose my agenda for what I want.

I have had to let go & surrender to hard untruths in a bid to dissolve them.

I’ve had to fall into a puddle in the floor to come back stronger & continue step by step, again without agenda, but to dance in enjoyment of that moment, because this is all there is. An agenda is an idea, attached to ego.

When the ego fails, we feel we have failed & so a death cycles begins.

Not to avoid death cycles, but to really live in flow as nature intended is the truth. The only truth.

Having all rugs pulled from underneath, all safety harnesses removed, no life raft near is the only way. A singular leaf blowing in the wind, landing where it will, when it will, is, natures way.

And so, I am but another leaf, a piece of Earth, a part of Earth, aiming not to try to be anywhere but here.

It is an interesting way to live.

Trusting in life to provide in each & every moment. As this is only where life is. Not tomorrow, not yesterday.

Each moment I choose what tasks fulfill me, what nurtures me & what supports all. It is only within this balance of viewing all that I can be available to think far & wide, beyond my ‘I’ in the world.

Talking about doing things is no longer an option. We have a responsibility to uphold. Sitting behind Facebook sharing painful truths is not going to be the change. It is one step to awakening the masses perhaps, but it is only being in action that will make the change.

Today I propose to play a part in the reduction of reducing plastic usage in Bali. To help educate the Balinese people that their plastic rubbish contributes towards ocean pollution & sea life death.

This is an agenda yes. But in voicing it, I can let it go, and carry on taking action steps. Little by little, in a bid to align to the Earths intention for balance & harmony.

These words as I sit in at the Immigration Office in Bali.

no agenda for change, living in bali

A story for you my sister…

A reoccurring theme has been emerging in my dreams for some years now.

I had another last night, and when I awoke, spent some time reflecting on it.

It connects to an experience I had during my teenage years.

In these years, it involves my friends not inviting me to join them for a spa at one of our guy friends houses’.  We were staying/living together at the time, and after dinner, everyone quietly packed up & left without so much as a see you later.

I found myself alone within the house wondering – what had I done?  Why had I not been invited?  I was devastated!

Mum was out of town at the time, hence the three of us living together during this time.  Mum had ‘conveniently’ changed the locks on our family home, so I couldn’t access it while they were gone.  I still called her & told her what had happened, and she organised for me to move into her friends’ home until she returned.

So I packed up my things and moved in with Diane.  I didn’t speak to my ‘friends’ for the next couple of years.
Bam. Done.  What had I done?  Till this day I still don’t know what happened?

The theme of this experience, repeats itself in my dreams, and has done for years.  The devastation of not being invited to hang with my so called friends.  Rejection, Devastation & Hurt.  So when the dream arose again this morning I begun to question it some more.

How do I really feel about what happened back then?
– Upset

Where do I feel ‘upset’ in my body?
– My heart

Am I ready to let this pain go?
– Yes

What do I need in order to do that?
– Let go

At the moment, when thinking about how I felt during this, it feels almost as real as the day it happened.  It’s like I could pick up the phone & call these girls and ask them why?  If it wasn’t nearly 20 years later!

It got me thinking.  What is their experience of this memory?  What was going on for them to practice such cruel behavior?  Did they even consider their behavior?  There are different sides to every story.  If this is mine, what was/is theirs’?  Curious.

It is only now with my open perspective that I can see the full glass, as opposed to the narrow view I saw back then.  I still hold/held (moving into past tense) pain for the incident, I’m human, and this is my healing.  However there is always a greater perspective at play.  I may, or may not ever get to know it, but life can be funny that way.  Like puzzle pieces fitting together, sometime it might not fit together until a riper age of grace.

I see this puzzle piece as being a small part of the whole, in regards to my healing as a female.  I still get menstrual cramps, and have as long as I can remember.  I know that it is NOT NORMAL, yet society dictates that it is very normal for woman to get cramps.  I’m sorry – but I call Bull Shit!

Bull Shit to it being normal, that woman accept something as natural as the ebb and flow of nature, is painful!

Bull Shit to aches that land some woman bed ridden for days!

I call BULL SHIT!

I believe as women, we have lost of primal ways.  We have suppressed them SO deep within us, that we actually have no memory or connection to what they are anymore.

I believe that we suffer in aloneness, so fearful to show our vulnerability to other woman, for fear of judgement & rejection.

Yet I believe that each and everyone of us, feels a deep pain within us, that is yearning for expression, that is yearning to be heard & received by other woman.

I know I feel alone in mine.  There have been times that I have wailed into my pillow for humanity – the pain of it all. The pain of being a woman, the pain of feeling such emotions that cannot be explained.  The pain of not being understood by your mate – who looks at you baffled.

Why are we not tearing down these walls that separate us?  We sincerely have work to do.  To not only heal ourselves, but our generational lineage AND the planet – MOTHER EARTH herself!

WE have WORK WILD WOMAN!

And so we must address our deepest yearnings, our deepest emotions and raw selves.

WE must address our dreams, our memories, our aches and our pains.

We must hold our sisters as they divulge their truth, setting them & ourselves free from our shackles.

Many a goddess circle is arriving even online during these times.  There are so many opportunities for support if we are open, courageous & vulnerable to seek it.

I know that it is scary, god knows that I know.  But I’m tired of doing this on my own.  I’m ready for something new. I’m ready to love & to receive that same love.

I’m ready to let my guard down – so that you dear sister can see me, and I can see you.

 

 

to have a baby, or not to have a baby, that is the question…

The other day, upon receiving Mums care parcel, the craziest experience began to unfold.

As if a virtual delivery message was received with this tangible parcel, a communicative message deeper than can be understood began to envelope.

Just after Neil answered the door to the postman, who held with him, our parcel, I began to feel nauseous.  It was as if suddenly I needed to release a HUGE almighty burp from the pit of my belly, but I couldn’t.

We opened the parcel together – which was perfect.  Perfect because Neil is not usually home during the day.  The weather circumstances saw him home, resting.

Mum had told me she had written a letter to us.  An outlet of her thoughts post a very recent conversation we had had.

It was one of those beautiful conversations, that is absolute gold to share with your Mum.  That one magical person who accepts you entirely.  The topic – children.

My whole life, I have never been the kind of girl who has said that she’s wanted kids.  It’s never been on my agenda. Though equally – I have never cancelled it out either.  This conversation was about my age & stage in life, and whether or not I felt like this was really something I wanted.  At the age of 36.5 – one would say my ‘use by’ date is near approaching.

I’d shared my fears, thoughts, my current relationship status, with my Mum.  I put it all out on the table.  And as Mum does, in that Motherly nurturing way, she received my words and shared her wisdom.

And so after this conversation, and an equally beautiful one with another wise woman Mother, I have felt a profound shift of thoughts towards this topic.  So much so, I came to the conclusion that I felt kids were on the cards.  With this magnificient shift, shared my heart & placed these cards on the table for Neil to hold.

As our relationship is currently up for review – everything feels very much in the air.  Are we right for each other? We are so different.  Our interests are so different.  Our ideas are profoundly different… anyway, this journeys onto another story, so for the meantime, back with the original story…

I was feeling nauseous, so after opening Mums gifts; NZ Chocolate, a Kiwi t-shirt for Neil; A hand knitted cushion – sprayed with Mums scent, letter with thoughts about making babies, I needed to lay down.

I was breathing & burping and making a whole lota noise, trying to release what was now present for me in my body. After a good 10 minutes of this, Neil came to the bedroom to check on me.  I told him what was happening & he lay down to support me.  Another few minutes passed and the energy releasing turned into tears.  As usual, I wasn’t sure the reason behind the tears; I just go with it and allow them to flow.  Neil continued to hold me, checking in that I was ok.  They continued harder and deeper with their release.  As this was occurring – what was birthing was a profound sense of energy – this energy – so strong a presence, felt like that of a little being, informing us that he was choosing us to be his parents!  This beautiful profound spirit was making himself known that he would be coming into our lives!  I started communicating this this to Neil, but simply could not hold back the tears!  I continued to cry and cry…

Nearing the end of feeling this magical presence – I felt an amazing sensation – I can only liken to that of being pregnant!  Not that I know – but it felt wildly profound and very real.  I did purchase a pregnancy testing kit to double check – but the result was a negative.

So since then, Friday, I feel like I have opened up to a whole new level of communication with the world outside of what we perceive.

There are continued parts to this story that stray off on different tangents, but this is the one I feel most called to write about for now.

After reading the book, years ago – Winter Moon Rises, by Scott Blum – I always envisioned that if I was to ever have a baby, then I would connect with its soul firstly.  This experience alters the ‘idea’ of having a child as most of us know it.  It is wildly profound and connecting beyond this world than we could know.

This story is not finished yet, in fact it feels like the beginning of something, beyond the realms of simply (complexly) bringing a child into the world.

Soul-Full Sundays Interview

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In a forum recently, the lovely Carrie, of carriehensley.com asked for volunteers for her popular Sunday Soul-Full Series.

I put my hand up at the opportunity to share my message…

Read the post here.

 

 

 

 

 

What is my life purpose?

Today I answered a bunch of questions for a fellow Amazing Life + Biz Academy Member, for the opportunity to be featured on her blog as part of her Soul-Full Sunday Interviews.  I have just read one of Carries’ blog posts, and it appears we are both Sexual Abuse thrivers.    I use the description thrive, as Survivor does not feel like a fit for me anymore.

I feel that I now THRIVE, that my story is simply that, something that shaped me into the amazing woman I have become in the world today.  I no longer resonate with that story, however I still wish to share parts of it, as I wish to show other women that there is a way forward from the darkness of your secret.

I share these answers with you, as I shared them with Carrie, as there is a message to be heard.  A message of inspiration.  Showing another way for women who have experienced the pain that abuse can cause.

It is time to rise up into the being that you are here to be in this world.  It is time.

 

How are you following your life path (dharma)?
In each moment I am aware of who I’m choosing to be in the world. I try to make sure that I am present with each & every person I come into contact with. I take personal responsibility for my body & being and trust by doing so, that I teach others that it is possible for them also.
I recently started working at lululemon athletica here in Canada. I love that the girls I’m working with thought that I was 26! I’m actually 36 and ½! I feel like that’s a pretty awesome testament to me!

Have you always had this calling? If not, was it a sudden/gradual shift?
I believe I have. I fit into that known story of not fitting in at school. My story begun with learning I didn’t have a Dad at the age of 5, then at the age of 8 – was sexually abused by my Mums boyfriend. I took on the beliefs that I wasn’t good enough to have a Dad & in the second example – shut down my emotions as I didn’t know how to deal with the situation.

It’s only in hindsight I see that I spent my teens & early 20’s ‘running’ from myself. I left my home country of New Zealand at the age of 20, from here life was hard and fast. I partied hard, engaged in recreational drugs, exercised like a mad woman & was determined my body defined how I felt about myself.
I entered a body building competition in 2006 – I spent 1 year working towards that goal. After competition & a Vision Quest I completed as part of my Life Coaching studies, my world fell apart.
This intention of my quest was ‘to shine’, I went through a very dark knight of the soul with depression for 2.5 years. This forced me to acknowledge the pain that I’d kept hidden from my childhood that I had been running from.
As I pulled through – I learnt that there was so much wonder & beauty in the world. I knew I had a purpose in this life that involved inspiring others to heal from their pain.

What did you have to give up by honoring your path?
I’ve let go of a lot!
Fear, Doubt, Worry, Anxiety, Pain, Lack…
I’d say in aligning to something greater that feels good, I’ve chosen to let go of the things that haven’t supported me feeling good.
This might look like; big nights out, binge drinking, recreational drugs, gossip, TV, reading Newspapers/Magazines, eating processed foods, sugar, non organic meat, obsessive exercise habits…
The physical things I mentioned just fell away as I changed. It wasn’t about letting go of them because I thought I needed to. It’s was about aligning to something greater, about making the CHOICE to FEEL good. To feel GREAT.

What have you learned/gained by remembering your true nature (honoring your path)?
That I am unlimited… I have everything that I could ever need, in this moment & every moment. All I need to do is align to the vibration of what I want, and I will attract what I need, or the steps to move closer towards attracting what I need.

That it is an absolute CHOICE to feel good. It doesn’t just happen, it is something that you need to work at. Chose to eat healthy nutritional food, chose healthy movement habits, choice healthy work & social environments, chose healthy thoughts…

What is one thing you do every week to honor your innermost authentic Self (connection to Source)?
I do a lot of things. I LOVE nature…. I will take time out and visit the local woods and breathe, probably even hug & talk to the trees there.
I will watch the insects and birds & notice how they might invite me in & let each other know that I’m there.

I meditate daily. I give thanks to Great Spirit and acknowledge its existence.

What is one treat you can share with us to bring along on our own path towards freedom?
Oh SO many…. But one.
Um, I would invite you to observe your mind.
Watch your thoughts.
Sit in quiet contemplation, or meditation and observe.
Or, if you don’t feel ready (yet), to start. Journal.
Write. Write. Write.
Write unedited on a blank sheet of paper. Just allow anything that enters your mind to be expressed onto that sheet. Give yourself 20 minutes of pure uninterrupted time to express your minds thoughts.

What is my life purpose?

The mystery of evolution 

During this time, as Mercury goes Retrograde for the next three weeks, I find myself deeply reflective of the past number of weeks. I can’t say how many.

If I’m really honest with myself – they have been somewhat challenging. The context seems irrelevant.

As if I attach to the context, that could be the very thing supporting me to feel challenged. Whereas if I surrender, I float in a bubble of purity & openness.

An old friend wrote to me this week, and what she wrote really landed.

“Yes I understand what you mean regarding the situation with your business. I wonder if it is a reset in some way due to the re-emergence of the feminine, inviting us as women to sit, to hold and allow creativity to emerge…….. rather than being born of action and goal setting……so masculine, so controling, where is the trust in that?”

These were her exact written words.

Wow!

It’s SO profoundly true!

As women – we are still so masculine. Seeking to provide for our families, go to work, run a business, set goals, change the world. I don’t think there is anything wrong with this. But my friends words have me pondering.

Perhaps this paradigm shift is still VERY different from the ideas and that we/I are still driving.

Perhaps this reflective time for me is about completely rewriting my concept of life. Another opportunity to blow ideas from my mind, paving way for new inspired ways.

It’s not an easy ride I tell you.

To surrender it all takes courage. And damn right I am one helava courageous soul.

I release what I think I know, to arrive into the vast expanse of the unknown.

From here, well… That is a mystery.

If you follow this one step, you’ll have motivation to exercise for LIFE

I don’t like to tell you, the reader, how to live your life.finding motivation to train

Do this, or do that, and you will get xyz.

There are enough ‘GURUs’ and blog sites out there, that will tell you your ‘5 Steps to your dream life’ or ’10 steps to a healthier you’.

Your task, if you choose to accept, is to find your own personal key, so that you can connect to your internal life manual and;

PERSONALLY ANSWER EVERY QUESTION YOU HAVE EVER ASKED!

Back in the day, I operated my life – pretty disconnected from my body, which is kinda funny considering I was worked as a Personal Trainer.

I was head down, bum up, and heading full speed in which ever direction I was facing.

I got shit done, but there was not a lot of balance within the rest of my life.

I thought I was in control, but turns out, I controlled my external life, as a means to feel in control, of an internal world that I was totally out of control with.

My thoughts about myself and food were my main two culprits.
– How I felt about myself.
– How I felt about myself when I ate.

As these thoughts were always forefront, there was often not much room for anything else.

These thoughts drove my life.  How I felt about myself, dictated the amount of exercise I’d do.  How I’d eat, dictated how I felt about myself, and how I controlled or binged.  If I binged, then I had to balance that activity out with more exercise, and so, I was trapped in this cycle that was relentless.

At the time, I thought this was completely normal.  I fit into the Personal Trainer mold, who cared overtly about what she ate, and how she exercised.  I even competed in a Womens Body Building Competition which was the perfect hideout for all of my inner demons to work their magic.  I found preparing for the competition easy in a sense, as I operated from my mind and my behaviors, I wasn’t at all connected to how I actually felt about things.

The relentless exercising and strict eating = I didn’t feel it.
Who I was being in relation to my partner = no idea.
When I injured my shoulder = barely skipped a beat.

Though I’ve noticed this way of being, this type of behavior, has come to be modus operandom or ‘normal’ for a great many people today.

Whether it is a body building competition, or copying the habits of your latest Instagram fitness Guru/s, we live in a world where we have become SO focused on our external environments as a means to making us feel good!

But underneath it all.  The thoughts, food & rigorous exercising, what is really going on?

Often at the core, there is a the lonely, sad, deep need of ours for love and acknowledgement.

It might look different, or slightly similar per individual.

This is the part that drives us.  That drives our need to eat a certain way, to follow a particular exercise trend.

We believe that if we look a certain way, then we’ll be accepted, and we will be loved.  Well, this was my story – the one that was my pilot to my vehicle.

This pilot (inner self), within our vehicle, (body), is what is driving our habits and ways of living.

What we want in life, is dictated by this inner self.

After my competition, I had worked SO hard towards that goal, that slowly as the weeks unfolded, I lost focus.  Of course I was still attentive to my physic, however I no longer had that finish line to strive for.

I slowly kept up with my training, but something deep within me was stirring.

It sat deep within my belly, I put it down to the amount of bread & junk food I was now giving myself permission to consume post competition.  I continued on with my workouts and 80:20 strict eating

A heaviness was growing within me.

Back then I was oblivious to my inner world, and so the ‘strength’ I knew, was to keep pushing through.

I pushed with my workouts.  I pushed with my work.  I pushed with current clients.  I pushed hard in every area of my life.

One by one, my clients began to let go of my services.

My income started to dwindle.

No matter how I tried to conjure up more sessions, it seemed nothing was working for me.

My business partner called a meeting to invite my separation from co-ownership, as she was witnessing my struggle.

I was putting on weight from my increased binges & lack of drive to balance it with intense exercise.

My motivation started waning.

My external world was crumbing and falling apart as I knew it.

And I too was falling apart on the inside, like the World Trade Centre.

I had no idea what was happening to me.

My self esteem was deflating.

I was lost and suffering.

It was somewhere around here, that I begun to regularly meditate.

I had meditated previously, but didn’t have what you would call a regular practice.

Step by step, I began to connect in with my inner world.  My inner self.  My pilot.

She was like a long lost part of me that I had cast aside in a cupboard and thrown away the key.

One can imagine how someone who had been in a cupboard may feel.

She had created the breaking down of my external environment to get my attention to come within to myself.

I now needed to build my relationship with her, and re-create a life that included her in it, not separate to.

My story continues on and on from here…

 

“A life lived in disconnection from our inner selves, is one that does not include our whole essence.  Is one that misses a deep resonance with life & its meaning.  To live and not feel our darkest lows and our highest highs escapes the wonder and magnificence that is being human. Being out of alignment with our inner world, skips wonderous magic that curves the tapestry of our lives… A life without moments of being, is not a life lived at all.  To miss the magic that is our essence, and arrive at the end, is a very very unfortunate realization to wake up too.

I invite the wonder in you, to rise up and challenge the wonder in all of humanity.  Give space to your truth, dive deep, and hold still the rich vastness that is you.  Breathe in your magic and unlock the gates of mystery.  Peace & Love are within us all.  The time is now to rise and uprise”.

 

There are literally THOUSANDS of Meditations on the internet at this wonderful time in our lives.  Why not head over to YouTube and search for one you like.  As a suggestion, try an Inner Child meditation, to support in your connection with him or her.   Here’s a few by one of my favorites, Louise Hay to get you started.

Should you need support in working with your connection to your Inner Child, and anything that arises, please feel free to reach out to me.
I am currently available for One on One sessions.

Heidi
Phone: +1 778-679-6727
Skype: heidi.firth

Your ego doesn’t want you to know this about yourself

Here is me,

Sharing with you my voice,

Todays reflections post magical coaching session this morning.

You know you are unlimited!

It is timeless within you.

It is the inner calling that pulls you forward.

Rise with it & shine like the light you were born to be!

BSchool #FOMO

Yesterday arvo I fell into a bit of a blah hole.

I’ve started doing the whole comparing myself against others, and what gifts they’re bringing to the world.

I am watching so many successful women who are running their online businesses, who are brimming with success and positive stories of earning 6 figures per month, doing what they love, supporting their partner to create their dream life and so on, and so on.

It’s silly, because I absolutely know, that I am on the right track and that I’m perfectly where I need to be, with the perfect amount of resources at my finger tips right now.

I’m even SO fortunate to have a wonderful, beautiful, loving, supportive partner who believes in me.

So much so, he gives me the space I need to write, to have time to myself.  He even invested the money towards my Leonie Dawson Life + Biz Academy membership for my birthday.

But still, I follow these inspiring Goddesses, and yesterday fell in a hole of self depreciating, unhelpful thoughts.

The latest ‘trend’ offering, happening in the wonderful world of entrepreneurs is BSchool.  I must have heard about this 2-3 times before I got the message, and clicked the link to visit Marie Forleo and find out what all the hype was about..

BSchool is a online 8 week business course, guiding business entrepreneurs to create the lives they were meant to live and a business that whole heartedly supports this.

The testimonial stories are phenomenal, the affiliate bonuses are amazing, the reaping of benefits for your hard work are as outlined earlier; 6-7 figure incomes each month, doing what you love, travelling the world, supporting your partner + stacks of others.  It’s easy to be sweapt up in this online movement, and I for one am hooked, line & sinker!

The catch to this amazing course is, that it is a mere $2k, which in the sceam of earning 6-7 figures a month is spare change, but to the budding beginner starting their business journey, $2k is everything.

So, here’s me.  Sitting in this category nicely.  Newbie business owner, the world at my finger tips.  Grand aspirations for changing the world.  Passion to boot.  A message larger than life, with vehicle (my website) that is currently in upgrade.

My heart (chakra) is literally aching, and has been for the last week or two.  I am ready!  I am more than ready!

I want so badly want to heal the world and guide woman back to the joy of life, who they innately are.

But again, in this, I am perfectly where I need to be.

I said to Neil last night.  I have everything I need.  I show up for myself daily.  I do what is required, and at the end of the day, I feel good about the tasks that I have completed.  But because my efforts are not yet being heard by an audience, it does punch the ego.  My ego.  It really asks one to continue to show up each and every day.

What more can I be doing?  How do I get my message clearer.  Who is my muse?  How do I reach them?

All valid questions.

Still, soul says, its all G H.

So after watching beautiful Sarah of the Fifth Element share her honesty and experience of BSchool, I will take my ego and heart, and have a rest.

I am sitting in my PJs on the couch and taking time out for me today.

I am enough.  I am doing enough.  All is perfect.  If BSchool was where I am at, it would show up, I would show up.  I get the message ego… I have enough.  I have everything I could need.

Pt 3 – how to get the life you want

Here is your third and final installment to this small blog series.

The Transformation

Its now been about a week or so that you’ve been practicing your new mantra, and observing the changes in your thoughts and your breathing.

I bet your whole world is beginning to open up.  You’re seeing new opportunities, feeling new experiences, witnessing synchronicity that you may have previously missed.  I LOVE synchronicity!

A shift has occurred and there is new possibility available to you right now!

What a wonderful new space to be in!

Embrace this.  It is time to give yourself a pat on the back for the work that you committed too.

As human beings, we’re to quick onto our next project, thought or shiny goal to chase.

Before you head off and start chasing that, I invite you to really embrace this new space that you have moved into.

Its time to celebrate!

Set aside some time for yourself.  I’d recommend at least 30 minutes.

Close your eyes.
Tune into all the wonder that you are witness to within your body.
The feelings, experiences, new ideas.
Feel these sensations within your body.
Observe where you feel it & continue to focus your attention on this space within.
Without agenda, continue to watch what happens within your body.
Give yourself as much time as you need here, until your eyes naturally open & there is a sense of completeness.

get the life you want
My Gratitude Diary I bought for myself

Now, write or draw your observations of this reflective experience.

To extend this experience further, share this piece with a close friend, partner or loved one.

Give yourself permission to relish in your transformation.

To really seal this change & honor this transition, choose something that you love & book this event into your diary.

I personally love to receive massages, buy flowers for the home, take myself out for breakfast or lunch, buy a delicious nutritious food item for my smoothie or raw treats, or give myself an afternoon to play in nature.

Whatever you choose, make it something that continues to make your heart sing.

I am SO proud of you courageous one!

I would LOVE to hear about your experience and how you chose to celebrate your transformation in the comments.

LOVE xox