6 Signs You’re Experiencing the Awakening Process

Perhaps you’ve read about the awakening process or are going through it yourself.  The world is shifting and people are awakening to the truth of this life. It can be a scary initiation that is a preparation into your unique life purpose and why you are living this life.  One that has more meaning than that of simply following the society norm of which we have been conditioned to through our up bringing.

To help a little, and normalize what you might be experiencing, I’ve compiled 6 examples to support your surrender and remind you you aren’t alone.

I know when I experienced these, I felt like I was the only person on Earth and didn’t understand what was happening.  Please know you’re not alone as many have gone before you, and are right alongside you right now.  At this time there is an abundance of people available to support you and understand your experience.

6 Signs You’re Experiencing the Awakening Process

  • 1 – Something outside of your control happens;

    Maybe you lost your job?
    A large financial challenge occurs.
    You move homes, or locations.
    You’re going through a divorce or separation with a loved one.
    Someone dear to you passes on.
    A desired outcome was not fulfilled.

    Situations that occur beyond what our Ego has calculated can invite an opportunity for fear to visit.  This is not a bad thing.  Merely a chance to test our resiliency and feel emotions we may not have allowed ourselves to feel by being in our mapped out existence.  When we know what we know, well…  When we don’t know what we don’t know…

  • 2 – Feeling emotional for unknown reasons;

    You experience a spectrum of emotions for unknown (or maybe known) reasons. But you really do not understand WHY you feel this magnified way about this unknown, or known thing, but you do.  You feel like reclusing, hiding, you are unsure how to cope.

    When life happens for us externally, it can activate emotions that are suppressed within our psyche.  Something may have happened during our childhood years, or perhaps past lives, that we weren’t able to process, that now as an adult we have the capacity to.

  • 3 – Feeling alone/misunderstood in usual social situations;

    Going out tonight, you didn’t really feel like going.  But you go because you feel a sense of obligation.  It’s what you ‘should’ do.  The small talk at the outing feels really really hard. You long to simply be at home, or be able to talk about what is really going on in your life, but you feel far to vulnerable to show how you really feel and fear being judged and feeling like ‘that person’.  That person who is struggling with life and doesn’t have it all together.  Because of course we should, right?  (tongue in cheek)

    As our consciousness is shifting and we are awakening to a whole new world of thoughts, feelings, emotions and ways of being in the world, we begin to shift and out grow or existing reality.

  • 4 – Increased sensitivity to usual environments & information

    Watching the News, or reading Newspapers is no longer enjoyable. You don’t like the fear mongering in these stores, they make you feel bad.  You prefer to scroll Social Media for feel good stories, articles and information, watch YouTube Videos and choose to inform yourself on what ‘the people’ are sharing.  There are great things happening in the world too!  You are consciously choosing to feel good, not bad.

    You might be beginning to notice how easy it is to feel bad based on environmental factors.  Media, people, environments, food, bars, clubs, places you used to put your energy into.  You’ll be making conscious choices for what makes you feel good vs bad.

  • 5 – Falling away of current friendships

    You’re feeling like your current circle of friends don’t understand you and what is happening.  You struggle to talk to them and feel really uncomfortable when you try.  When you do, they console you with things like:
    – it’ll pass
    – you’ll be right // you’ll get through this
    – everyone goes through something
    – did you know such and such had xyz happen – you’re lucky compared to them
    It’s not their fault they don’t know how to acknowledge you, but you feel no better, maybe worse and more alone from not feeling heard.

    Yup – this is a tricky, and personal one to navigate.  Ensure you seek support from a practitioner who can acknowledge how you feel.  How you feel IS important and valid and it’s absolutely irrelevant to compare your situation to another person going through the same or different circumstances.  We are all unique and riding our own life waves.

  • 6 – There is discomfort in the life you once felt comfort

    Suddenly, being in large populated areas like shopping malls, supermarkets now aggravates you. The bright lights, artificial food & packaging, screaming children, intense energy, the sense of stress and urgency from over worked faces around you.  Not to mention the stress of getting in and out of the car park!

    Another uncomfortable one, but a great opportunity to acknowledge you and your needs.  There are other options available that don’t have to include going to a busy supermarket or mall.  Lucky now we have home gardens, whole foods stores, weekend markets, organic delivery services, co-ops.  Start doing some research if you haven’t already to connect with local people, create grass roots connections with others around you who are connected to the Earth.  Life isn’t a fast food store, so we shouldn’t live like it.

    Lots of wonderful unfolding lessons will show themselves in time.  This is a magical time where you will see more than you have before.  It may not feel like it at the time, but remember to breathe, seek support and know you are not alone in this.

 

6 Signs You're Experiencing the Awakening Process
The Awakening Process to Freedom

 

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How will I make a difference?

I am SO riled up with frustration today – today’s topic – how will I make a difference in today’s world?

Yesterday I spent time with a dear friend & he is never shy to question my motives and intentions behind my drive for life.

It’s always wonderful to have someone pushing me forward and ensuring I’m aligning myself with my highest good, but what if it feels like absolutely nothing I’m doing is working or moving forward?

I really feel like this right now!

I feel so on my own.  Usually a day is inspired by divine conversations, interactions that can guide me towards something, a creative task to fruition, but these past few weeks.  I feel like I’m floating in the ethos of nothingness.  What the fuck am I doing?

My past few blog posts have mirrored this topic.  What the fuck is Heidi doing?  I have a million tools and good intentions for the whole, but feel like I’ve no fucking idea what I’m doing, add to this my stress about my money situation.  So which comes first?  Focus on the things that will bring money in, or keep doing what I love – it feels like the dilemma of the era – with all the bright shinny things ‘out there’ – it’s so easy to be distracted by ‘what’s here’.

I can’t play the pretend game – pretending I have it all together – that I’m some wonderful successful online coach with clients lining up to work with me, earning 6/7 figures each month – it all seems so shallow & empty.  Give me the truth god dammit!  I need to be honest, I need to spill the beans and call a spade a spade.  Who really knows what is going on here?  I certainly don’t.  I wish I had a small inkling of an idea.  What this thing called life is all about. Even writing these words, having this word dump doesn’t feel like the right thing to share on my blog.  Aren’t I meant to have it all together?

If I carry the title of Coach, Counselor & PT, aren’t I meant to know what’s going on?  Perhaps this is something I’ve put on myself… that I should have it all together.  I feel the further I go along this journey, the less idea I actually have.  Walls & beliefs get knocked down, disassembled, blasted to smithereens.  What is left is a field of peace, wonder, possibility which anything can be built upon.  I tell you this field is amazing, but you wouldn’t believe unless you experienced it for your very own self.

I joined an online Affiliate Marketing gig because it truly felt like a piece of the puzzle, the tools, systems and the how – the how behind getting Be Your Own Guru online & moving – whatever that means.

Yet I watch the Facebook posts & messages stream along on FB Messenger (from said Marketing peeps) – they are rich with questions and banter about all the detail needed to understand the nuts and bolts behind the scenes of building an online business.  How to derive followers, likers, leads etc.. The purpose of these equal sales and therefore money.  Winning right?!  Yes we need money – god knows we do – have a look at my bank account.

However in the next moment, I stumble upon a video of my Mentor – Paul Chek, talking about how the Earths Top Soil is akin to our own Digestive Systems.  I get this so strongly – as within, so without.  I witness the mass pollution accruing on this planet and understand that it is a direct result of each individual on this planet and our connection with our inner selves.

Online business details vs the reality of the Planet – my dilemma – the questions & feelings of frustration arise – What can I do?  I experience deep frustration on a daily basis for not being able to DO ENOUGH!  HOW!  What can I do?  Seriously – show me the fucking way!  I have a greater awareness of what is going on here & I don’t know what to do with that information!  Rgggghhh!

Meanwhile billions of people the world across are absolutely clueless to the impact they are creating, let alone what their neighbors are up too.  How can we be in such a mess?  It really breaks my heart, I cry & feel the pain of the world in my heart.  How can my knowledge help the whole?  How can I help the cause?

I just don’t know what to do.  Even typing these words while I sit in a Café in Ubud drinking my coffee feels super privileged and hardly a step in the right direction.  Though I know that I need to acknowledge my fire, I need to express my frustrations.  Whether my words are read, whether they disappear into the abyss of yet another blog post online, what matters is that I wrote them.  That I acknowledged my deep frustration with the state of the planet and the fact that I am SO ready to make difference.

 

I dance in periods of listening to my favorite artist Nahko Bear.  When I’ve had time away from him, and return – his voice and message awakens my soul again – it resonates so deeply and for that moment in time I feel heard – I feel ok.  His music reminds me that I’m not the only one.  You see – I feel like I’m on my own here.  Am I?

Are you reading these words?
Are you with me?
Do you care?
Can you see what is happening?
Do you know that the world needs you?
Are you aware of your daily actions and how they affect the world.  Your trash, your purpose, your words, your energy, your ability to be in integrity with yourself.  Speak your truth, be honest, be vulnerable.  Do you understand how MUCH you contribute to this world?  You are a part of everything – not separate at all.

You see this is what is needed first and foremost.  We can’t change anything out there – without changing what is going on – in here <3.

This is what it comes back to, Being Your own Guru, if you are the creator of your life, taking responsibility for your words, actions, energy, moment to moment, we make the best choices for the planet.

Our food sources, the soil in which it was grown, our friends and neighbors and how much love and compassion we offer them.  Everyone is fighting their own battles and they cannot be won on our own.  We need to band together and offer support… But it starts with you – right now – looking at yourself.

If you’re ready to embark on the Guru’s journey, let’s do things OUR way… Let’s get our voices out loud and strong in integrity with our spirit and purpose.  Let’s make a difference.  I will walk with you, guiding you & offering support each step of the way.  Join me in a personal capacity by messaging me, or join me professionally by following this link.

 

What is our purpose in life?

What is our purpose in life?  Today’s 99 Million Dollar Question right?!

I’ve been working with this questions quite intimately these past months here in Bali land.  Knowing for a long time there is much more to living life than just hitting the daily grind in exchange for an income.

I know this – but such is life – continuing to learn lessons, plugging along & asking life purpose reflection questions.
Each question has created an opportunity, a stepping stone to the next. Each stepping stone has requested courage & fear acknowledgement. But here’s the thing, they ARE stepping stones. We are never given what we cannot handle, and so we get to choose in each moment whether we continue with what we know, or step into that which we don’t.

Bali was and continues to be a gamble.

I have no idea what I’m doing & showing up for on a day to day basis, but I do, because sitting here in my life, I cannot & will not go backwards.

If I ‘went back’, this might look like returning to Australia or maybe New Zealand, getting a J.O.B in exchange for my life hours and a small wage in exchange for such un-priceable value. I will not do it.  (Well – it doesn’t feel like my here & now calling.  Although I have learnt to be open and step into what is needed in each moment.)

The Silent Retreat was tough. It was an inner boot camp of looking at fears, demons, and a time out & deconstruction of everything I knew to be true. The living paradigm of J.O.B working.  Compartmentalizing life.  It has since spat me out, in which I am SO grateful for. Day by day, now some 10 days on or so, life continues to show up for me because I am choosing to show up for it. I am in the hands of something far greater that has me in it’s arms.

How am I sustaining myself?
Friends, more friends, small savings & trust.

Do I know what I’m doing tomorrow?
Hell No!

Am I happy & excited?
Hell YES!

Do I get to live my life on my terms?
HELL YES!

Am I safe? A roof over my head & food to eat?
Everyday!

This is life!
This is living!

My dear chicken friend reminded me last week. There is no separation between work & play. There is only life. We shouldn’t have to invest in one to have the other. They shouldn’t need to be mutually exclusive things.

Life is life. It was given to us as our birthright to enjoy, explore, learn & play. Not to live by rules & patterning passed down from generation to generation. But the sad thing is, unless you don’t start to question, you will never learn any different, as we only know what we know. If we knew what we didn’t know, there would still be more that we didn’t know.  And so on & so on, x’s infinity!  Where does the mind go with the limitlessness of that!?

I’m reading the book “Cashflow Quadrant by Robert T Kiyosaki” right now, and a passage he shares within it is;

“We all know people who make a lot of money, but hate their work. We also know people who do not make a lot of money and hate their work. And we all know people who just work for money. A classmate of mine realized he did not want to spend his life at sea. Rather than sail for the rest of his life, he went to law school after graduation, spending three more years becoming a lawyer and entering private practice in the Self Employed Quadrant.

He died in his early fifties. He had become a very successful, unhappy lawyer. Like me, he had two professions by the time he was 26. Although he hated being a lawyer, he continued being a lawyer because he had a family, kids, a mortgage, and bills to pay.
A year before he died, I met him at a class reunion in New York. He was a bitter man.

“All I do is sweep up behind rich guys like you. They pay me nothing. I hate what I do and who I work for.”
“Why don’t you do something else?” I asked.
“I can’t afford to stop working. My first child is entering college.”
he died of a heart attack before she graduated.
he made a lot of money via his professional training, but he was emotionally angry, spiritually dead, and soon his body followed.”

Whilst this story is extreme, doesn’t it hit hard? I mean, I’m sure we know people in our sphere’s like this right? Living the daily grind, surviving not thriving.

There is no blame or finger pointing here.  This situation is what it is because we know no different, but is merely an opportunity to be open to reflect on HOW we could live differently? What would I really like to enjoy in my world? It can be a big question that brings forth a blank canvas. I know it did for me for a long time, I’ve only known that the old didn’t fit and I needed to move towards something new , un-created & unwritten.

Question with me, create, play & explore.

What is our purpose in life

Life took a drastic turn

life took a drastic turn

So days ago, in fact the day after I wrote my previous blog, my life took a drastic turn.

I have been spending extended time in a Silent Retreat, on the magical island of Bali.  It’s been a little over 8 months so far, hence my previous blog post.  (You can read that blog here.)

Upon returning from Australia, I was met with changes in my exchange at the retreat, to which I decided to step up into.  I imagined that there was a higher purpose for me being here, you know, to create something of my own contribution towards this retreat space and the hundreds of courageous souls who visit.

The next day, a whirlwind happened and I was let go!  A mass of incorrect communications took place.  Different perceptions of the same words, catapulted into miscommunication which resulted in this action.  It was wild, it was crazy, there may have been some angry words said, all necessary in the transition of this lesson.

But the strange thing is, I am not upset about it.  It feels right and I am in total acceptance that this was what had to happen.  And so now I sit in a space much like the butterfly does, as she allows her wings to dry before taking flight into a new adventure.

Mostly I feel excited and optimistic, though occasionally I feel nervous.

I want so much to step into an exciting opportunity that nurtures my soul to the highest extent.  I just want to get going, but equally flit with days of simply just needing rest and feeling exhausted.  What a ride this is.

Today feels more optimistic.  After a chat with a friend, I’m being reminded of processes akin to nature.  These support me to accept what is and to not work against my own unfolding.

Se are human beings and we have an ego.  The ego likes to know what is happening.  I know mine does.

– Where am I going?
– What do I want to do?
– How will I have money?
– Do I put my energies into Be Your Own Guru?

All these questions and more are humming along in the background that I am acknowledging.

Still I wish to act from love.  I wish to take action as & when it feels right.  Acting from fear only gets in the way, and prevents what really needs to drop in to arrive and be heard.

I explored websites my friend shared, and worked on my primary values – to help manifest & gain clarity of my next step.  These are the only steps available right now.  This, and to honor how much my body needs rest.  I nap each afternoon & am moving very gently.

One can only work with what is available & be in the dance of co-creation.  Good things take time & everything has a natural rhythm.

– BYOG

 

 

 

8 Month Womb of Bali Love

These past few days have invited some deep internal reflection.  It has been brutally confronting, inviting me to look at old untruths that I have been operating from. But first, these patterns wouldn’t have come to head, if I hadn’t have allowed myself to sit in a womb of Bali love for these past 8-9 months.

Like all good cycles, this one has been epic beyond explanation.  Inviting in rich feminine nurturing and ways of being I have been unaccustomed to.  I’m Heidi – I like to charge forward like the Sagittarian Adventurer that I am, making shit happen & tearing things up in my path.  This time has welcomed a newer, upgraded version of Heidi, one who has richer compassion and deep nurturment for the feminine process and holding.

I have needed to spend time healing my heart after my breakup, and look at my underlying issues of worthiness that it brought up.

It is merely intuition that has taught me that these months have been a holding period.  Much to my personal frustration of wanting to get on with life and move forward.  After all, doesn’t it feel so satisfying to take action towards the things we want most in life?  Look at us humans right now, we are so ADDICTED to being in action.  Our very days are full to the brim with action tasks and duties.  Not to many moments are filled with blissful nothingness, simply watching nature & counting our blessings on breathe.  “Il dolce far niente.”

I’ve trusted my guidance and taken one step at a time, accepting the discomfort of what was, trusting that everything is in perfect order, despite it not looking like the order I wanted so dearly.  After all, as the saying goes “we get what we need, not what we want.”

I’ve carried out tasks that I am good at, that have served me living this life – making a living – in exchange for accommodation, food & other additions that have allowed me to stay on this island of Bali.  It has triggered my deepest frustrations to not be ‘in control’ of such simple matters.  However it has been so satisfying to not have to conform to the basic demands of needing to earn real money, only to see the gross of it go off to things like rent, expenses, food, gas, loans and so on.  I have been gifted a break from the rat race.  An incredible opportunity to rest from such a Masculine/Yang way of living.

Still I was aware of needing to break from Bali.  An opportunity to gain a fresh perspective.  To see if leaving this island was what I needed to do to move forward, break free of the Bali bubble.  A return break to Australia to spend time with my bestie was just what I needed.  Time to drink all the coffee and eat all the chocolate with my friend, and to not consider the needs of the retreat and my personal frustrations with, “what am I doing with my life!”

Feeling unbiased either way upon my return – should I stay, should I go – I returned and initially felt no clearer other than experiencing a few UP days, which were so so welcome, the nurturing womb of Bali love had changed – I felt freer.  But direction & purpose were still no more clearer.   Hoping clarity would show up after some necessary conversations, I’d hoped options would become clear to me.  This wasn’t to be the case.  Foggier and foggier I became.  I fell into a hole of darkness yesterday and experienced my lows in full force.  Worthiness, lack, sadness, fear.  I decided to hide from myself by watching a movie.

That evening I attended our Agnihotra Fire Ceremony which welcomes purging of old to bring about transformation, and how perfect for this New Moon Energy.  Still agitation sat with me and I choose to leave before it was finished.  I retired to bed and decided to again distract myself with something to watch online.  I found an interview with Marie Forleo & Tony Robbins.  I started watching it out of curiosity.  He’s been around for years, but I have never felt any interest in him.  However he has a movie set for release shortly titled “I am not your Guru”, which is on par with my Be Your Own Guru concept.  I watched for a bit but felt uninspired.

Clicking on a different video of his, titled something like “how to control your emotions” thinking, this will be interesting.  I am not for controlling my emotions, but giving them the space to be what they need to be, but figured he must know what he’s talking about given his status & duration of time in the Personal Development field.

I understand that every emotion is a message telling us that we need to change something.  I get this.  We listen to the message & go deeper into it to find the core underlying message.  I get this also.  What he teaches, after acknowledging what the core message is, there are one of two things one can do;
1 – Change your perception of what you are experiencing to change your feeling, or
2 – Take action preceding the situation.

Watch the mentioned Tony Robbin’s Video here

 

I often have the tendency to sit in the emotion of what comes up a bit longer than needed.  For example, the recent changes here have triggered my feelings of worthiness.  So I feel into the feelings of lack of worth.  Allowing it to be what is.  It does eventually shift naturally, however it can be quite uncomfortable to be there for extended periods of time, as one might imagine.  Perhaps this has to do with my emotional maturity – having cut myself off from feeling emotions at a young age?  Perhaps making up for lost time, I don’t know?

This morning upon waking, I sat in my fog and asked “what do I do next?”  I had been waiting for internal guidance to guide me, giving me some kind of inspiration.  A clear indication around what action I needed to take.  Up until recently, I’ve been getting nadda.  This morning what came through was a message – “back yourself.”

What listening to Tony the night before did, was reminded me that I am in control.  I am in charge of what I want to create.  I looked at why I am feeling this way.  I got really honest with myself.  I knew I didn’t want to return into the same bubble that I was previously.  So what was my resistance?

I had been so down on my self belief, that I thought that I couldn’t create what I wanted. I thought it was gone.  That my purpose was in the hands of some greater force guiding me, dictating where I needed to go & be.  I was reminded that the most rewarding time of my working life, was when I worked for myself.  I was my own boss.  I did what I wanted and the sky was the limit!

This memory reminded me that I can do that again!

I needed to internally choose.  I needed to step up, to back myself.  To choose that I want to work for myself.  To accept the massive opportunity that I have been given here.  Of course I don’t know how I am going to do it, or what I am going to do, I only know that I cannot go backwards.  I have to encompass everything that I know and have integrated over the past 15 years and bring it forward into the now.  Now is the time to do.

As soon as I made this decision, I took myself off for an ass kicking workout.  I biked to some local stairs that I love pounding and pumped out repetitions of them.  I was my own Personal Trainer.  Edging myself forward to push through the mud into something new.

This was communicated with the Founder here & a very short time after, a guest booked me for a session!  Such a perfect confirmation that I have made the right decision aligned to my highest good.  In hindsight, what I’ve shared is so simple, but experientially one of the toughest processes to date.

There was so much richness in the womb of Bali love that I needed, to come from a new, perhaps more loving, compassionate nurturing way of being, that perhaps could not have been facilitated from my old way of being.  We are no longer living head based lives; we need to align with our hearts true purpose in each moment.  It is easy to charge forward from the head, but to come from the heart, that is truly living.

womb of bali love

 

living in Bali | facing myself

This living in Bali business really invites facing myself in a brutally honest way.
It has to be one of my most challenging rides to date.  I think I consider leaving Bali almost daily.

It feels like the mask that once so craftily created, to hide an insecurity, is slowly peeled back or being dissolved.  I am coming face to face with emotions real.  Connected to old embedded thoughts that remind me of the young girl I once knew so well.  The hopeless teenager who felt so down on herself she cried everyday after school.  The young girl who was so self conscious she accepted that boys were attracted to her friends and not her.  As her friends attended parties with said boys, it hurt her to not be invited, yet she never said a word.

These fundamental years shaped me.  They set the tone, my blueprint for what I believe of myself.

Of course ADULT HEIDI understands better these days.  But the reality is that she doesn’t always run the show.  My self worth is in review at the present moment, and Adult Heidi has stepped to the side, holding space for this younger self to be seen.  It ain’t comfortable.  It’s not particularly enjoyable.  But it’s real.  It takes courage to meet yourself with your wounds exposed.  But here I am.  I am here because I want something different for myself.  I don’t want to under value myself anymore.

I want to truly experience the Woman I want to be in the world.  I don’t want to feel an achy heart for something I long for.  I want to vibrate at such a frequency and know I already have love.  I don’t want to feel a sense of unworthiness or shame at the thought of supporting others through their dark moments and personal journey.  I don’t want to feel like my contribution in the world doesn’t matter or isn’t worth a worthy exchange that allows me to enjoy the fruits of life.  I want to feel that I know I HAVE these.  That I don’t feel a lack.  A yearning.  A wanting.  I want to feel the sense of satisfaction that is available from having made a difference.

I know to well the heart ache of our planet and its people right now and I don’t know where to start?  I really don’t. This image conjures – me yelling at others “pick up your trash”, like a teacher on duty during interval at school.

Peoples naivety hurts my heart!  Why can they not see?  Not understand the results of their actions?  Their in-actions?!  Where do I start?  How do I matter AND live an enjoyable life meeting my needs?  From here, where to?

The solution from my mind is not clear.  I don’t think I can pull myself out of, something my mind created.  The false lies.  My false sense of self (worth).  This is not who I am.  It is a tee-taw established during childhood, one I believed.  They are merely thoughts.  The only way through is to face myself.

SELF DIAGNOSED PRESCRIPTION

What can one do with a thought?  One can change it.
What invested interest do I have in believing I am not worthy?  I have NONE!
This false belief does NOT serve ME!
It doesn’t make me happy!
It doesn’t allow me to thrive!
It makes me feel shit.
So, why do I hold onto it?  Because it’s all I’ve known.
Am I ready to let it go?  YES!!
And so, what is its replacement?

I AM LOVED…

facing myself

 

Ego & Silence meet… What happens?

When Ego and Silence meet, magical occurrences can happen.

Parts of ourselves become present in our minds eye, we may never have had the pleasure of meeting before.

Much like how our Apps hum along in the background of our smart phones, so too do these parts of ourselves, our ego.

They use energy subconsciously, they have been magnetizing your very life experiences.  Creating it, drawing situations closer & closer.
To create the very moment.  This very moment… in Silence where you shall meet it.

This is the personal development path.  To come to know yourself, to meet your untruth, to pave the way for THE truth, the truth of who you really are in the world.

So as you meet your yourself, your hidden subconscious, you receive the opportunity to meet who has been running the show.  Your monkey mind creator – if you will.

They may not be pretty, but these separated elements of your psyche, created by experiences in life, during developmental stages;
Infant, Toddler, Adolescent, Teenage – pivitol moments that bonded themselves in our cellular memory.
Or perhaps deeper, older?  Past Life, Generational Contracts, In Utereo… Who’s to say?

But you are here.  You are brave.  Courageous.

You are meeting YOU.  Who you are manifest in the world.

Your journey.

All humans are seekers.  Seeking our truth.  From truth, we can make conscious choice.  Choices in life, choices aligned to our greater good.  Your greater good.

There is infinite wisdom connecting with your magnetic subconscious.  It knows, even if your mind does not understand.

You can feel it.

And so, you know…

 

+ Before we meet these hidden parts of ourselves, we don’t even know they exist.  They operate subconsciously, behind the scenes, but driving us.  It is not until we are in Silence, or triggered by an external person or experience, that they arise to the surface.
+ If you need support in recognizing behaviors you know are not working for you.
Email or Message Heidi at www.heidifirth.com

meeting parts of your ego

Grief Friend you are Welcome

Have you noticed how grief can be a trickster at times?

Disguised in one form, dressed as another.

Like an unannounced house guest, he knocks at the door, packed bags in hand, you answer in your underwear, the house a mess, you’re unprepared.  “Hello friend, I am Grief.”

He has come to visit.  To turn him away would be unheard of, perhaps a crime.  He never quite says what he needs, why he’s here, or how long he’ll stay for.  But you welcome him in, albeit reluctantly.  You both take a seat on the couch and he starts the conversation.

“How are you friend?”

You give your surface level reply.  “I’m good, I’m busy with work, friends, social situations, family.  I’m grateful for everything & everything is fine.”

He responds, “Is that right?  Tell me about how you’ve been feeling during your evenings alone?”

Something clicks inside.  You know exactly the feeling he is referring to.  You’ve been binging on chocolate & Netflix each night, in an avoidance of feeling this now named feeling.

“Tell me about THAT feeling he says, compassionately, lovingly.”

You sit for a moment.  For maybe the first time, tuning into that discomfort that resides in your body.  Uggghhh – there it is.  That heavy weight sitting, waiting…  Your breathing drops…  Your heart rate present – now seemingly louder…  You feel the energy expand outwards from this rock like weight.  Tears are forming behind your eyes, it’s coming…

You can’t hold back, nor would you want to.  You’ve wanted to acknowledge this, to feel this pain, you’ve just secretly been afraid.  The heavens pour down and you’re running with it.  Tears are falling down your face just like melting ice in your hot hand on a Summers day… your stomach contracts & heaves, as does your whole body in unison.  Your mind is blank in this moment, you have found relief.  In complete surrender to your bodies natural seasonal change – this emotional state.

Grief sits there quietly, very still.  Just looking upon you gently, lovingly.  A companion who has your back.  You continue to cry, beginning to wonder if there will be an end to this heaviness?

 

Time has passed some.  You’ve witnessed new insights drop into your mind, ah ha’s of what has been held so contained.

Memories from your past floating up from your subconscious.  Making their transition from one realm, to the next.  You can see more clearly, what was hiding.

What you were so frightened of.  It is not so frightening anymore.  Only here.  Present.  Accepted.  Free.  No stories. It is free.  You are free.  You are releasing the old.  The old that has driven you to hide from yourself.  Your truth.

Grief sits.

Placing his hands on your heavy heart.  You feel the ache.  The physical ache that now resides where before, pain sat.

You feel different.  Tired.  Numb.  Sad.  Heavy.

The couch feels good.  Comfortable.

The convulsions have subsided, the tears are now dry.

Your head feels expanded, kinda headachy, like it has just been squashed, but blast open.

Your mind blank.

Sitting…  Starring…  Quiet…  Peace…

Breathing now slow & consistent.  You look at grief, he holds your gaze in return.

“How are you friend?”  he asks.

You return his gaze and answer, “How are YOU friend?”

Grief has been heard.  He has been seen.  He sighs in his recognition.

Together you become one.

grief

Bali Visa Musings – having no agenda for change

While sitting in the Immigration Office in Bali, I was contemplating how much change my life has undergone, is such a short space of time.  Living within a Silent Retreat has brought me back to simplicity & the heart of what really matters in life.

I now see the many many distractions we create in life to avoid the very things that matter most to us.

For me, there is now no where to run, no where to hide, but face the pressing iceberg that lays in front.

My creativity & mark in the world is forefront.

I witness the talk, the wanting to make a better world, to impact people near & far.

I have had to learn to be humbled in its process, to loose my agenda for what I want.

I have had to let go & surrender to hard untruths in a bid to dissolve them.

I’ve had to fall into a puddle in the floor to come back stronger & continue step by step, again without agenda, but to dance in enjoyment of that moment, because this is all there is. An agenda is an idea, attached to ego.

When the ego fails, we feel we have failed & so a death cycles begins.

Not to avoid death cycles, but to really live in flow as nature intended is the truth. The only truth.

Having all rugs pulled from underneath, all safety harnesses removed, no life raft near is the only way. A singular leaf blowing in the wind, landing where it will, when it will, is, natures way.

And so, I am but another leaf, a piece of Earth, a part of Earth, aiming not to try to be anywhere but here.

It is an interesting way to live.

Trusting in life to provide in each & every moment. As this is only where life is. Not tomorrow, not yesterday.

Each moment I choose what tasks fulfill me, what nurtures me & what supports all. It is only within this balance of viewing all that I can be available to think far & wide, beyond my ‘I’ in the world.

Talking about doing things is no longer an option. We have a responsibility to uphold. Sitting behind Facebook sharing painful truths is not going to be the change. It is one step to awakening the masses perhaps, but it is only being in action that will make the change.

Today I propose to play a part in the reduction of reducing plastic usage in Bali. To help educate the Balinese people that their plastic rubbish contributes towards ocean pollution & sea life death.

This is an agenda yes. But in voicing it, I can let it go, and carry on taking action steps. Little by little, in a bid to align to the Earths intention for balance & harmony.

These words as I sit in at the Immigration Office in Bali.

no agenda for change, living in bali

The hare runs into the fire

‘The hare runs into the fire’ photo was taken during my Fire Circle, Monday night.

This sacred held space for sharing our authentic voice allow individuals to feel heard & held in the most special of ways.

I shared the image later with a friend who replied back with this poem he knew.

The hare runs into the fire.
The fire, it takes her, she is not burned.
The fire, it loves her, she is not burned.
The hare runs into the fire.
The fire, it loves her, she is free…
(from I Shall Wear Midnight)

I love to find the symbolism in fascinating experiences…
This could be interpreted as;
+ courage to run into the fire.
+ the faith to run towards what is frightening.
+ the audacity to believe the fire can be defeated.

What do you think?

 

hare runs into the fire