My near death experience, yup… I nearly died… literally

Well well well…

I am just on the slippery slide out of the weekend that was…

It was mind bending & altering to say the least.

And it’s like, in hind-sight, I somehow asked for it.

I have been ready for a while now, to see something new, to somehow be awoken into a new amazingness of life, that perhaps I felt like I wasn’t getting.

Which is weird, because I consider myself a highly grateful being.  But a few things perhaps just weren’t matching up?

On Saturday, Neil & I somehow decided that we would get stoned at home & have a old ole laugh.

I’d mentioned to him previously that I was interested in doing this, but only with him.  A couple of his friends smoke, and when we’re out n about with them at their house, I have felt a sense of curiosity, but seeing my history with Pot, wasn’t feeling to brave to jump in with a bunch of people.

So we’d had a lovely day together, and roll around dinner time, knew we needed food, so decided to do a big shop & possibly buy some pot.

There is a ‘shop’ in Victoria which allows individuals to buy what they need for medicinal purposes.  So we headed down and like two teenagers, we oggled at the display and what we wanted.  We decided on a brownie & some other varieties of grass.

We were pretty excited, but equally I was expressing a few concerns I was having about it.  Neil reminded me to keep an open mind and to not head into it with fear based thoughts – which made sense.  I shared my concerns, we came to a conclusion & then basically let go & moved on.

Once home we quickly halved the brownie & deliciously sucked on the chocolaty goodness.

It felt like only a matter of say 15-20 minutes where I began to feel my consciousness shift.  I was deep into reading a Facebook post of a friends, & decided to reply…. It was mid reply I realized I didn’t know what I was writing anymore, and if it was even making sense.  I cut the comment & saved it into Notes on my phone just before giving up.

I moved into the kitchen to join Neil where I shared that I was beginning to feel its effects.  During this time we talked, laughed & joked around with how we were feeling.  Suddenly cooking our planned Nacho’s seemed like the most difficult thing in the world to do!  My only task was to cook the chicken, and I simply couldn’t remember how to do that.  Neil was in fits laughing at me, and I was laughing as I couldn’t work out why everything was suddenly so hard.

The music in the background was blaring and extremely incoducive to productivity – so we decided to change it to Edo & Jo.  Neil was having a hard time trying to find the CD, so called me in to do it.  As I was putting it on, instantly I felt an energy drop into my energy.
I had shared with Neil previously, my concerns about this happening, and this is where we suggested keeping an open positive mindset.  This experience just blew me.  During ‘normal’ daily routines I set up energy protection, I clear my chakras & aura, I complete energy clearing around the home.  But I have NEVER felt anything so prominant as the actual energy entering my through my head.  I said to Neil immediately – something just dropped in & I have to clear it!  He was really supportive and asked me what I needed & was there with me.  I ran upstairs and grabbed my smudge stick and started waving it about like a lunatic.  As I mentioned, I usually do this sort of thing, but to actually FEEL the reality & truth of how this happens on a level so unmistakabe was mind blowing!  I was attempting to explain what I felt to Neil, but felt like a goof as I was already loosing my mind.

I did what I ‘thought’ was a clearing, but when I joined Neil in the kitchen a few minutes later, I could feel that I hadn’t completely cleared the energy.  My crown felt wide open and I could feel a real heaviness in my step, like something was trying to pull me down.

I excused myself to Neil, saying I wanted to complete my clearing.  So sat down in the lounge listening to Edo & Jo and began clearing the energy around my head.  Suddenly everything changed.  I feel like the veil between the illusion of this world & the real world – the spirit world opened up. I saw how energy is all around us, not separate to, but one.  I saw Spirit there with us.  All the text we hear in Yoga, read on social media, in Spiritual teachings, it was all true in that moment.  One that sprang to my mind was, “you have no idea how supported you are!”  It was TRUE.  It is TRUE.  Edo & Jo were singing, and it was the Angels singing.  It was every Angel singing.  They were talking to me.  They are singing to us. In every message, it is being delivered by them.  In this divine moment of unveiling, I saw it all.  I understood LIFE!  I let go in absolute tears of gratitude & understanding.  I was blessing this awakening, I was crying, and I was continuously placing hands of prayer from universal source to crown, to third eye, to heart and repeating, over and over and over.  I could see.  I understood.  I now understood why we place our hands at heart center.  It all made so much sense!

Beautiful Neil was now lying on the couch next to me, holding me as I was opening to this unbelievable experience.  He had originally thought that I was having a meltdown, but I was attempting to explain to him that I now understood life.  How do you do that?  He understood – I had opened to the Oneness of Life.

My mind was blown… Was this something that I had been missing out on?  Was this something that everyone knew, but me?  Was this the reason why my life hadn’t taken off yet?  Because I hadn’t experienced this truth?  All these questions and more were now heading through my mind.  I could now see the truth.  I could see the truth in everything!

I joined Neil back in the kitchen after some time, with my newly expanded mind.  Truth.  I heard my mind say – look at the truth of your relationship.  Notice how Neil is with you.  I could see Neil.  I could see his nervous anxious energy around me, and I saw it for what it really was.  He is SO into me, that he is scared to be himself around me.  He dances around like a nervous ant, saying lovely things to woo me, to make sure that I’m seeing how wonderful he is, hiding himself from me for fear of me not accepting him as he really is.  I saw this, in it’s entirety playing out.  Each time, he said or did something, just confirmed the truth I saw even more.  I got scared.  Everything I thought to be true about our love, wasn’t the way I thought it was.  I could feel his fear around connecting with me.  I could see his fear.

This was too much.  I needed a break.  All this new information was to overwhelming.  To see all this truth that I hadn’t previously been exposed too.

I went upstairs to the bathroom.  I thought that I needed to poo.  It felt like I did.  But as my little body began to release & let go to enable me to carry out this basic human activity.  I saw everything that conspired to allow this little miracle to happen.  I saw how our environment, our thoughts, our bodies conspire and orchestrate this magical event.  I heard Neil cough.  I felt the resistance behind his cough, I felt how that then triggered my own resistance, I saw my insides contract to prevent the letting go that my body needed to do, to let go.  I closed my eyes and saw the energy contract & pull up.  I saw the dense energy that surrounded my sacral chakra, and the lessons connected within that energy, that connected me to Neil and how it was a catalyst to the healing of this dense energy within me, life lessons I need to learn… I saw it all… I saw the inner connections of everything within this world.  And because I saw it all, understood it all, something told me that it was now my turn to die.

I saw it all.  It all made sense, and as I saw my moment arrive, I knew it was time.

I saw how everything in my life had conspired to this very moment, and saw life as a bunch of soul lessons.  What really mattered was how we died, not so much how we lived.  This was my moment.  I understood how I had come to where I had arrived.  I had to leave this life to teach Neil some life lessons that he needs to learn, by my passing.  I felt the life begin to leave my body, and felt my body collapse and my spirit move from this life.  I saw the lessons that I would be taking into the next life, they grasped tight to my body as I, my spirit, began to let go.  I saw the souls I was connected to… I saw Mum, I saw Neil, and it was in this moment that I said – NO!  Not yet, I’m not ready, I’m not ready to go yet.  But I needed to let go, to transition over.  I had begun to collapse into the bath tub next to the toilet, when I saw that I had a window where I could decide to leave – and teach Neil the his lessons, or I could stay, knowing what I now knew, but teach him in another way.

With that window – I pulled my pants up, ran down the stairs to the kitchen and told Neil that I was dying.

He was a cool cucumber, and thought that I was just freaking out.  Which as I sit here now, telling this story, I really can’t tell if my experience was real, or if I was freaking out.

I thought that I was being given an opportunity to tell Neil I loved him, tell him what was happening, and then have the chance to leave.

Neil suggested I lay down, and he lay with me, and I thought this was perfect.

Neil told me I was freaking out, and to calm my breath.  He lay holding me for however long he did.

After some time he eventually needed to get up to check the food he was cooking, and left me in bed.

I thought that this is it, that moment had arrived.  I’d told him I was dying, and now I needed to go.  Nothing felt important anymore.  I didn’t feel the need to contact anyone.  To say goodbye, anything.  It was strangely odd.

This time it was like I felt life finally slip from my body.  My body was heavy on the bed & my heart was beating like crazy, faster than I’ve ever felt it.  I had the awareness that if I was about to go, I was going to have a heart attack, it felt like it was going to explode in my chest.  In fact, I recall waiting for it, as if that would’ve been my cue to leave my body.  It was a nightmare waiting.  I could hear how slow my breath had become, I had the awareness that my breath needed to fully stop before my spirit could leave.  I couldn’t believe I was dying consciously.  I was conscious to the life leaving my body.  It wasn’t pleasant at all.

Upon what felt like my final breath, I heard the bedroom door lightly bump.  The wind in the evening was linked with my breath, which tied with the movement of the bedroom door.  I knew Neil was downstairs and wondered if he’d know to come upstairs.  I understood why the dying don’t like to die in the presence of loved one’s as it holds them back from leaving.  It’s to hard to leave your loved one’s.  Yet the process of dying and leaving your body isn’t a pleasant one.  I understood that, and could see all that playing out.

But Neil came to the room & the rest is a blur… I know he started trying to wake me up.  I could hear him.  I could feel him hold my body, trying to bring me back to consciousness.  I could hear everything.  But I couldn’t respond.  My body was limp & unresponsive.  I remember him slapping my face.  Yelling my name.  At one point, I remember him trying to give me CPR.  Yet I could not respond.  I was caught in this nightmare between living and dying and I couldn’t do anything but surrender into it.

Neil ran to his brother’s bedroom and asked him to help check me out.  Andrew came out and they were checking my breathing and my pulse to see if I was alive or what.  I heard them say that my pulse was light & that I was breathing.  But still I couldn’t come too.  I saw everything so clearly though.  I could see how I was a magical puzzle piece orchestrating a healing with Neil, with Andrew & with our Neighbor Temple, who Neil had just gone next door to get.  Neil didn’t know what to do, so he decided to run next door and grab Temple.  While he was gone.  I could feel Andrew holding my hand.  I could feel that I was playing a part in his life, in his healing.

I saw her arrive in our room, but again, I couldn’t respond.  She was a little shocked and unsure what to do.  Everybody was lost and didn’t know what to do with the lifeless form I was.  They were talking about me, I could hear it all.

Sometime passed & my arm did a really crazy twitch & I felt my eyes open.  I still wasn’t coherent, but I was beginning to have function over my body again.  Neil gave his apologies to Temple & Andrew, and after some minutes they both left.  But before Andrew disappeared into his room, I heard him ask Neil, “so what’s plans for tomorrow?”, like really casually.  I remember thinking that was the most oddest question to ask after an incident like that had occurred.  I put it down to Andrews discomfort with not really knowing how to comfort his brother.

Neil again joined me in bed.  It felt good to have him near me.  I thought I was done with this ride.  It’d felt like twice I’d tried to leave my body & I was having jack of this feeling, this trip, this ride, whatever it was I was experiencing – I wasn’t having fun.  I managed to ask Neil “when will this be over?”, he  replied “a few hours”… Oh shit,  I thought.

The anguish I had been feeling, at feeling life leave my body was like a torment I wouldn’t place on anyone, it felt mean, extremely uncomfortable & the pure surrender of it all was just to much.
To surrender to the life you know and love.
Can you imagine such a thing?
Especially with a loved one by your side.

In the next space of time, I thought I was done.  I thought I was safe.  I was in bed with Neil, we were together, all was good.

At least I thought.  I could feel life slipping again, this time it was with Neil by my side.  I wondered – what is going on here?  Am I going to die in his arms?  I can’t do this roller coaster ride again!

I heard our souls speak.

Neil’s said – “do you see now”?

I replied – “Yes”  I sighed & laughed & again replied. – “Fuck You!”

He laughed and we held each other tight.

You see – we’d made a pact, like the movie The Notebook, that’d we’d leave together.  I couldn’t leave, because Neil wasn’t with me.

By him asking me if I could see.  I could see how my soul had kicked off this chain of events to tell his it was time.  Neil’s head, or Ego just hadn’t gotten the message yet.  So he’d been struggling to catch up with me.  Somewhere along our past lives, we had made this commitment to leave together, but it never actualized due to various reasons.  I had made the commitment to undergo this horrific dying experience so that his soul could catch up with mine and we could leave together.  The reason I said “Fuck You”.  Now it was our time.

Again life was slipping from me, but this time it was different.  I was held.  It was safe, and it didn’t hurt.  He had me.  It was like an orgasm…. The sighs & blissful union of uniting with another soul, enable the message of life and it’s true meaning.  LOVE.  We had love and that was all that existed.  We sighed in the acknowledgement of life’s true meaning, and that we were leaving.  Except we didn’t.  When it came to Neil’s final breaths, he couldn’t let go.  He didn’t want to, he wasn’t ready, and so neither could I.  I couldn’t leave without him.

I don’t know what time it was when I finally came out of the final cycle of what I thought was my dying.  I know it was one scary arse trip that is beyond this world.  This physical world.

Sunday continued to confirm how real my consciousness shift was for me, by the interactions that were had between Neil & I.

Today – I feel a heck of a lot better, but am still trying to make sense out of this.  Did it happen?  Was it real?  Or was I just severely tripping out?

I’ve even considered going for a few tests?  Did I really nearly have a heart attack?  Soul says I should just let it lay – my head is curious.

Yesterday I even asked Neil if we spoke when he came to bed.  I suppose I wasn’t specific enough with my question, so the answer I received wasn’t the one I was after.

Through that night, I saw that everything I believed existed.  And that in one moment to the next, you can believe a different thing, and it will still be true.  That not any one thing exists.  Everything is true and everything can change and it will, and the moment it makes sense, it will just as quickly not make sense.  It is all an illusion…

Where does this leave me now?

Today I got up and carried about my tasks as I do.  I woke up.  I ate breakfast.  I went to the gym.  I drank my coffee.  I wrote blogs.  But there is a new sense of clarity.  A calmness, and new perspective reality, for now anyway.  Upon arriving at my coffee shop, I wondered if I would bump into my new friend Jeff – a character I met last week who understood the likes of energy & consciousness… It appears I invited him to the cafe by my very thought.  He was there as I sat down with my coffee, and I couldn’t wait to share with him my story.  I guess I was hoping for some insights into it.  He suggested maybe a rebirth?  I’m not so sure?

What stays with me, is how this experience affected Neil, and how I saw that it was something he needed to experience in order to wake up.  It doesn’t make it any easier on me.  My instinct is to protect him.  However this works in complete opposite to its purpose.  I see the inner workings of our relationship, how we do this dance of protecting each other.  I pull back, he steps forward.  He pulls back, I step forward.  We dance a dance.  This is our dance.  And through my experience – it is not one I am in control of.  I am a puzzle piece within it, but I am not the conductor, there is something larger that I am a part of, we are all a part of.  And the way things are, is the way they are meant to be, and it is all perfect.  Everything is perfect and always is.

15 Day Challenge – Day 5 – What is an old habit I am replacing with a new one

Letting go, letting go, letting go….

Todays challenge blog topic…

Friends, habits, behaviors that don’t support you.

You are the sum of those 5 people that surround you…

Are they supporting you to be your highest most amazing self?

Some of the examples shared.

What comes up for me, and has been shining through today in my interactions, is when I am, and when I am not, being a shining being, an example of lightness & brightness in the world.

You may have heard the saying – be your shiny self and you give permission for others to be the same, (or something to this effect).

I feel this is true right now, more so than EVER.

If we are brought down by the lower energies, the daily dramas, the pain in the world, the bad news, we are not holding a space of light & possibility for the world to choose to do the same.

If we are happy, shining, going about our days the way that makes us feel good, we do not need to feel bad in anyway for feeling this way.

Sometimes I feel that I am to positive, to light, to ‘water off a ducks back like’, and that by me being this, I am making others feel bad.  The truth is, I may be bringing up discomfort, thoughts, feelings, emotions, in an individual by being so, but this is their opportunity to let go of what is in their way from joining me in my happiness – our happiness, the collective happiness of Earth – that is our innate birthright.

Do not feel bad, for feeling good.  For smiling, laughing, making loud noises in public.  There are NO rules to life.  There is only feeling good. And we get to choose this daily.  in fact, each second, each minute, each hour, each day.  It is a conscious choice to feel GREAT!

“What’s mine is mine.  What’s yours is yours”.

This is a simple little mantra one can begin to ascertain energetic karma.

If someone is angry – this could be their anger.
If you are in the presence of them & you feel angry because of their anger;
1 – there is anger that needs addressing in you – that you need to let go of.
2 – you have picked up on their anger, they have corded you, and you need to detach & give back what is theirs.  Creating boundaries.
3 – you don’t feel their anger at all, it is not a trigger to you, you are holding the light bright, showing them that they can release their anger right here and now if they so choose to do so.  They may get more angry if they resist, but if the are ready, they will release this pattern & you will have shown them the way to a new space.

I hope this example gives an insight into how to bring the light in life situations.  My consciousness is a bit screwy since the weekend, so words feel weird to write, giving examples of energetic experiences.

Nahko & Medicine for the People sing the songs of raising awareness & bringing the light….

I HIGHLY recommend you start following, check him out on YouTube.

good things coming

15 Day Challenge – Day 4 – 1 distraction I am going to remove from daily life

I opened my Day 4 email and was reading it aloud in front of Neil.

After reading the topic, without thought, Neil answered “Me”.

He believes he is a distraction to me in me getting stuff done.

This is true to some degree… but definitely NOT one I am going to remove that’s for sure.  Sure we have needed to create some boundaries in how we do life, but once harmony is found, then some sort of balance is created.  One that one hopes through open communication, works for both parties.

I think of myself as a pretty organised individual.  I get shit done as and when needed.  But waking up this morning and reflecting on what I need to remove, I find what I need to be doing more of, is just getting efficient in daily tasks.  I have been plodding along in my day because I can.  I haven’t had a official job, and I haven’t been busy, and so I can get away with playing with my minutes, hours & days.  I haven’t wanted to condense how I complete my tasks.

And today, because my attention was focused on what distractions I could remove, I was clearly able to see what things could shift.

– Getting out of bed the moment my alarm goes off
– Not checking Facebook or any form of Social Media upon rising.
– Deciding what to do and starting it immediately instead of fluffing & enjoying my moments.
– When at the gym – focusing on the task, or exercise at hand.  I realized today that I fluff a little at the gym because I’ve been looking to connect with people, and so I float my openness in time seeking to connect with others.

When I have tasks to do, I am focused on these, and I no longer need to float my time and fluff around.

So in conclusion, what is my one distraction to remove from my daily life?
A:  Being more focused on my daily tasks & productivity & less fluffing & dancing with the limitless time that I have.

time dancer

15 Days to Freedom – Day 1 – What is my daily success plan?

Laptop Woman PJsWelcome to…

I am, as with anything in life, a work in progress.

My website might not yet be attractive to the eye, but I am trusting that I am attracting who is ready to arrive.

What a morning I’ve had with this topic.  And it’s not that it’s a difficult one at all, in fact I’m pretty attuned to my needs and my morning ritual that sets me up for the day.

You see.  This morning was just not my ‘ideal’ morning, and so perhaps there’s something in that to share.

It’s so very easy to share the things that we do, and how to set us up, but how about the finer detail that lays underneath it all?

The excuses, and morning funks, the uggggs.  All of those feelings I’m sure you’re familiar with.  I know you know them… you’re not human if you don’t, or, you’re potentially in denile.

Sometimes its about just doing the very best that you can do, and that is enough.  I’m not having one of those days, but I have definitely scaled today back a little.

For me, it was just an uncomfortable nights sleep that preceded an evening out with friends for a birthday.  I drank 2 alcoholic drinks, and simply forgot that me, alcohol & sleep are not the best of friends.  It sets me up for a disrupted sleep where I wake cranky and not at all motivated for my day ahead….

So whatever the reasons are for you; being awoken by your little one’s during the night, going through a rough & challenging time, feeling rundown, there are always small steps you can do in your morning that can support a rise in spirit that see’s you supporting your soul.

It’s 12.39pm – I am still in my PJ’s, I’ve moved to the couch from the table & I have my first ‘morning’ coffee in hand.
But.  I have taken small self care steps.
I drank my 1ltr bottle of water upon rising, I ate eggs for breakfast, I just completed my meditation listening to Edo & Jo, and am now enjoying my coffee writing of my experience.

Stuff comes up for me writing from my true experience.
My judgement kick in, and I judge myself for appearing like a “negative Nancy”.
I project that the reader is thinking this also.
I like to think, that my perspective validates the reader who is reading this –  rich with their thoughts, judgments and blocks.  I know there is the simplicity that lays in the letting go, and rising up from the ashes – free from thought, and, I also am aware of how some people simply need a hand extended to support them to take that step – by means of storytelling & sharing.
There is truth & light in both paths.

It’s only recently that I have really started reading & following blogs, and the one’s that resonate for me are the blogs where the writer is their truthful beautiful authentic self.  I like to think that this is me.

Whilst I did not meditate upon waking, as suggested as the ‘perfect’ time, I did meditate.
I did it just before I began writing Version 2 of this Blog. This is actually my third attempt, after a failed Video Blog didn’t post.
My meditation brought me back to my warmth, my stillness & calmness, and it reminded me to write what is true for me.  My writing is not to TRY to have it read by thousands, but to simply share what sits with me & what makes my heart sing.  And my truth & experience is what makes my heart sing.  I am rich & deep with experience that sometimes needs practice in being voiced to the world, let alone an audience of thousands. Each journey begins with a single step, and my blogging/writing is just that.

Another awesome AWESOME habit I recently committed to, is drinking enough water.  It’s a funny thing ya know.  We are meant to drink half our weight in ounces each day.  For me this is just short of 2ltrs per day.  While I was drinking water, I think I would just fall short.  Especially working in retail, where I was constantly speaking to people, and the nuisance of needing to leave the store, to head to the bathroom can subconsciously stop one (me) from drinking my full quota.

So, I committed to drinking 500ml – 1ltr of quality water upon rising each morning.  Initially I pee’ed a lot, but then it seemed to balance out, and drinking that amount of water became something I craved upon waking!  Neil & I swore we must’ve spent about $100 on water while we in Ontario for Christmas.  I simply CANNOT drink tap water.  And nor should I recommend you do – please!  We would need to ensure we had around 6ltr per day for the both of us to meet our water requirements, we had quite the recycling collection.  I think Neil’s step Mum thought me odd for continuously bringing my own water to their house.
As WE up our self care, and follow the things that we need, we can be confronted by others views and judgments by what we are doing.  Its just a great opportunity to ask ourselves if we really believe in ourselves.

I especially encountered this when moving in with Neil.  One of the tools I need for self care or morning ritual is my Meditation practice.  If I don’t, I can be grumpy & am generally not so nice.  I would feel bad for needing this time upon waking, and initially forwent this need, thinking I was being to sensitive/to special.  It became apparent that as I wasn’t giving myself this time, I would feel cranky and a little resentful.  Neil the ever intuitive one, picked up on this & reminded me of the importance of this exercise for my self care.  I initially would feel uncomfortable with the details of where to do this, especially when he was home.  But details gave way to necessity, I got over myself, and it all fell into place.  These days if I haven’t cleared or meditated, and need to – Neil is the first one to notice.  He gently prompts me to have some time while he cooks breakfast.  I am very very fortunate to have such an in tune, sensitive partner.

The other thing I need, is movement.  In whatever form I can do it.  If my body is moving, I am moving.  And the same for it flip sided.  On days like today where I have woken feeling somewhat flat, I find it a challenge to get to the gym or some high vibing structure I usually adhere too.  So a walk is a perfect substitute, or my own home yoga practice.  Moving initiates energy movement, and facilitates out with the old, in with the new.  Get out of ya head, and get moving ya bum!  Don’t think about the how, just start & before you know it, you’ll feel on top of your day again.  These words as especially true for me today.  In fact, as soon as this writing is complete – I will take my own advice.

In summary, my favorite morning ritual tools;

1 – Drink 500ml – 1ltr of quality water upon rising
2 – Meditate/Energy Clear/Chakra Balance
3 – Eat a high quality fulfilling breakfast that matches your Metabolic Type
4 – Move your body

Any combination of the above will be sure to have you taking smalls steps or giant leaps towards conquering your day.

Much love your way  – see you tomorrow for Day 2’s Blog Challenge

How to be a responsible energetic being…

I feel like I am in the middle of a pretty big process right now, and I wonder who else might be feeling it too.

I woke this morning to read a number of Facebook posts from women expressing their versions of it, so thought I’d make an attempt to try also.

Usually I would write in my journal about this sort of thing as it that makes no sense to me in my brain, but since I am without a formal journal just yet, figure it may make an interesting post?

I feel muddled, unfocused, a little confused and ready to burst wide open.

Elizabeth Peru says its a huge energetic “out with the old, in with the new” time right now – and boy do I feel it!

I woke this morning with a stiff neck and have felt rather meeehhh – so know something is up.

I decided to energetically clear the house, and I know with our recent vacation, it hasn’t been receiving the love that it usually does from us.  I found a few dark dingy spots, and definitely a few spaces that needed the murkiness cleared.  It is important for me to do this regularly as I can’t control the energies of the people who I am living with.  My sensitivities can sometime frustrate me as I find I pick up on others energies and it tends to make me feel worse for it.  It is teaching me to be more proactive in clearing and protecting, and I am grateful for these lessons, but equally frustrated to live with unaware unconscious individuals.  Likely more lessons for me here.

I feel like I am about to burst into a brand new welcoming space of light that is rich and full with all that I have been consciously and sub-consciously manifesting.  I know this as, the old thoughts presenting just seem to old and out of alignment with what I am working towards.  I am aware of this, but somehow still get pulled into them a little – I am at that threshold before crossing the bridge permanently where these thoughts will be nothing more than the past, a distant memory.

There is so much I anticipate welcoming in!  I am aligning to a new sense of myself – one that will support my new business and how I show up in the world.  One that is aligned to the world and its good.  Tools & insights are slowly dropping in, but nothing that completing makes sense to me yet.  As I said, I am in that middle, a space in between.

If this is happening collectively, there will be energetic debris floating around the earth looking to attach to unknowing individuals, and so there is no time like the present to be MORE conscious to how we are choosing to spend our time, look after ourselves and self care like crazy!

My upcoming e-book, contains specific exercises for self care & nurturing, but in the meantime one simple exercise that we can practice is to protect our energies.  We can visualize white light pour down from our source (Universe, Light, God – whatever or whoever you align too), enter our crown chakras, and cloak our energetic body, protecting us from energies that don’t serve our best & highest good.  It is FAR to easy to not do this, picking up energetic debris, taking it home with us, into our sacred spaces.  This very debris creates experiences and thoughts that are likely not even ours.  Arguments, discomfort, dis-ease, illness… any little manifestation of it…  I have added a link HERE for further detailed information on the ‘how to’s’ of energy protection.  Why reinvent the wheel right.

Not only is it important to practice this little ritual of energy protection for yourself, but if you do feel called to, maybe when out and about in the world you send a golden Reiki Blanket, or energy cleanse public places…  I remember attending my Reiki 2 Workshop and the beautiful Jacqui Bushell shared that she often does this as public service.  When out and about, she will sit and consciously clear the energy of the place that she is in.  Can you imagine?  What a beautiful service to offer to the world.  You then save those people around you from picking up on the energetic crap that is floating in thin air.  It’s a shame we don’t adopt Balinese Traditions with our daily offerings and service to spirit.  If you’ve been to Bali you to will know of the magic that you feel by being on that Island – it is beyond words.  But until that day happens, I invite you to take the steps towards being an energetically responsible individual, and protect your energies and if called, clear public spaces of energetic debris.





I bet you’ll feel challenged to action this message from your SOUL…

What is purpose to you?

What it is, is different from one person to the next, as we are all individual souls here with a particular purpose.

I have been thinking about mine a lot with so much time on my hands at present.  I recognize that the more time I have to myself, the greater I get to know myself.  I’m not distracted by the external demands of being social, working at my job, a relationship (while Neil’s away), things that I would usually be busy-ing my time with.

I am learning how greatly sensitive I am, attuning to this tells me there is grand purpose in spending time with me.

After getting through the cold that I had last week, I found a routine to regularly meditate & clear energy each day.  I connect with my heart & soul and ask it if it has a message to share with me.  Some days I don’t get anything, but more often than not I get a message.  Usually one simple word.  Today it was Be.  The other day it was Go.  I have listened, and apparently our life is as simple as listening to our souls and taking action.  Be.  Be in each moment.  So today, as I set about my day, my intention became to BE.

Currently not working, I can’t help but think about what will I do?  What will be my income earner?  I am SO conditioned to working, that I recognize I am in the discomfort  of changing that belief or pattern.  I know that I don’t want a job that is simply that, an income earner, and so in this beautiful period of not needing to work, I still can’t help but be curious – it’s the minds way – it wants to know the answers.

I am grateful and blessed to be able to finally watch and absorb the content from YouTube videos and Paul Cheks blogs that I just know I have a great purpose to follow.  I resonate with the content I’m hearing & watching so greatly!  My mind wants it NOW, it wants to feel the value of contribution of making a difference to the world, of being in action.  But you know what, the balance of being in action, is inaction, not lazy, but rest.  Yin & Yang.  It is the nature of life.  If I have great purpose, then its opposite is true too.  Great rest.  You know that old saying, the calm before the storm.

So what is purpose again?  Is it action?  Is it inaction?  Or is it simply acting on your souls daily message to just BE.

All are true and correct. <3

what am I doing with my life?

It’s now been just over 3 weeks since I left Australia.  I have well & truly landed in Canadia town…

My head has been an array of thoughts, creating confusion, I have been trying to figure it all out, but you know what I’ve learnt.  I can’t.  I can’t figure shit out.  I just have to let it be, it is what it is.

And this is one of the reasons, I think I caught myself a cold.  For 3 days now, I’ve been full up of a running nose, headaches, tickly throat, and today, add coughing into the mix.

This has been such a huge transition, I think I needed to get out of my own way and let it be.

What I have been processing is that all that I knew is now in the past.  Any and all routines are gone, any friends I saw regularly, gone.  The routine of work now complete.  The co-workers, familiar faces, no more.  The networks, the communities, hobbies I connected with, no more. Everything is in the past.  The canvas is blank, awaiting my next brush stroke.  What do I want that to be?  Do I want it to look the same as before?  Or am I ready for something different?  To embrace the new that I’ve been growing into?

I’m just now back from a walk, isn’t walking great – I think it allows an opportunity for new insights to drop in, for things to get clear..  What occurred to me, I spent MONTHS preparing for my departure from OZ, and now that I’m here, all that energetic preparation needs to root itself right?!  As if I can just keep on keeping on once I landed here in Canada.  The momentum of my energy needed to change, no longer preparing to leave, changing to grounding and rooting a new foundation.  Bali was just a break, a holiday from the preparing.

Landing into a new country, semi new relationship, the new energies of that relationship, moving in together/sharing a room/bed/home, new area, new climate, new culture…  Any wonder I feel the way that I do.

One can’t think their way through a change like this…

While I’ve been dancing my way through the above, intertwined in there also, is the million dollar questions of “what am I doing to do with my life!?”  I have followed my heart, and moved to another country, on the opposite side of the world, now what?  The funny thing is, I don’t feel like doing anything.  I don’t feel like joining the masses, into the work force.  Into that false sense of security, joining society, pretending that I’m happy, that I want to live my life this way.  In Bali, magical Bali, I really aligned to a new way of being.  Of how disconnected we have become from the earth.  Since when was it ok to rape the planet of food & resources and not give back to it?  Since when was it ok to not understand the cycles of life & to carry out living as if what was really going on doesn’t matter.

My dear friend Simon, who is the Chef at Bali Silent Retreat – the retreat I stayed at for 2 weeks, is very passionate about using food that is grown local, that supports the locals and what is taken, is given back.  Since my stay in Bali, I find myself now looking at the labels with even more scrutiny than I ever did.  Looking at where each product has come from.  Was it imported, or is it local.  If it’s not local, I don’t want to know about it.  Do you know what of your favorite foods have been imported???  It really puts things into a different perspective.  To consider that foods journey to your side of the world.  What labor went into it’s production, what fuel resources were used to get it to you.  What the cost of this food is to you, vs the locals who have lived on it for centuries.  Take this Quinoa seed story for example.

Simons Land

(This image is of Simons’ land in Bali at Bali Silent Retreat.  It is rich & full of unique structures that support the growth and production of food, the land, the community.  It maintains a cycle that will continue to support all, without one benefiting over the other.  It is simply magic to behold.)

I now no longer want to be a part of the problem, I want to be a part of the solution, so I don’t see how I can continue to plug myself back into the system, the matrix if you will, and continue to pretend that I don’t know, to not take personal responsibility.  Because to continue pretending that I don’t know is now no longer an option.  I am a self responsible individual, I am here to make a difference, to be a part of the solution.

So once I’ve done landing my energy here in this beautiful Northern Hemisphere, and I feel ready to do what it is that I’m meant to be doing on this earth, I wonder where my spirit will guide me?

Watch this space….