Surrendering the pain of being human…

Wanderlust Whistler 2015

This weekend occurring, has been a culmination of a process of letting go and letting god for me.

Its tough to articulate the specifics of energy movement as it is in transit, but I feel as though I am surrendering stuff that is YEARS old.

I really love what one of the facilitators said yesterday about giving ourselves permission to feel good as well as experience the pain we might feel.  I know for myself, I’m great at acknowledging when things feel tough, but perhaps haven’t been so great at acknowledging when things feel amazing.

As I was driving off the ferry onto the Mainland on Friday, I noticed a build up of energy in my being which translated as burping and a general oddness in my body.  When I surrendered to it and gave myself permission to let it pass, what transcended was total bliss & joy at being in the moment of the adventure I had embarked on.  I cried in joy at the appreciation of myself for taking that step into the void, into the unknown.

This weekend has been just that.  I have felt so extremely proud of myself for being this little fish in the ocean, for stepping out into unknown, for travelling to Whistler, Canada on my own.  I have been greeted by like minded souls & embrace in love and the magic of how life is.  Being here, I see how I have been in some sort of bubble of discomfort.  Self created.

This morning I was drawn to a Kundalini Yoga class.  This is a practice I guess I choose to do sporadically as I know and feel only to well how it has the powerful ability to stir my energy, and as an extension – my life up.  I always trust that I am guided to what I need in each moment, and this moment was no different.

We were guided through a series of breathing and movement exercises to arrive at one of surrendering all of our worries, fears and cares to the divine.  I could feel stuff building to release, but little did I know what I was paving the way for.

By the end of our surrendering exercise, my tears and snot were flowing everywhere.  I was crying for everyone and everything.  I was crying for the pain of being human.  Right now I feel I am still in this, and am feeling a little tender, and so have retreated to our home space for some quiet R & R.

So I sit here right now, in gentle reflection of what I am rebirthing and remembering.

Till next time…

Me Vancouver Ferry Wanderlust

A Message for you, dear reader…

Ahhhhhh!!!

Sitting down to write feels like reaching the surface after a deep deep dive – for air.

I don’t know what it is right now, but there is something in this that I just have to do.

I have to write – and share.  Then write some more – then share.

And it doesn’t seem to matter what it is, I just need to write, and it doesn’t feel right if I don’t.

There is this deep feeling, deep down within my soul, that will not let up until I listen to it and take action.

And right now, it is to write!

I feel as if I’m gasping for air, the above mentioned air.

And perhaps that water, that dive is symbolic to how I’m feeling right now.  Like I’m only just able to stay a float, gasping these precious breaths of air.

If I don’t keep breathing, I may just sink.

Sink into my depths and get lost in the abyss that is my subconscious – or ego.  Our friend the ego.

Right now – I feel like my whole life is up for review.

Relationships, Work, Purpose, Location, Thoughts, Movement, Food…

Anything relating to life – that is life – is in review.

As I write these words, I am still continuing to breath very heavily – as if releasing something into the void.

I have no idea if they will be read, but that doesn’t seem to be the point.  The point is that I do what I’m called to do, that which sets my soul at ease.

I feel like I am about to morph into something luminous and awe inspiring – and I so can’t wait, because the world from where I see it, is glazed with old masks and filters that no longer serve me.

Ways of being which are so far outdated they could hold an expiry date of centuries ago.

Maybe this moment has been centuries in the making?!

If we are as old as the mountains, the heavens, all that ever is and ever was – it makes sense that we are shedding layers upon layers of ego ideas and old patterns that are no longer the way.

They are no longer the way of the light, in the new age of light!

Negativity and in-authenticity is on its way out!  In an all mighty hurrah – and I have front row tickets.

As I write I can feel the eagerness – beyond eagerness – absolute ecstatic-ness of my soul ready to fly and take flight over the very mountains and valleys that have housed her for centuries.

It is time!

Oh it is time!

Time to drop this shit.

Time to drop the stories.

Drop the bullshit and crap that keeps us small.

Keeps us from shinning out lights oh so bright!

What ever is in your way – shed it – breath it out and LET IT GO dear one!

Now, now, now!

Feel the earth beneath your feet and the wind in your hair oh wise one and surrender to your absolute greatness!

Because there is nothing else!

NO-THING can define and even come close to your being-ness – your YOU-NESS!

You are YOU and there is NO-THING else in the world that stands in comparison.

Feel your light and expand beyond the ages – shine into the darkest corners and pave light on every crevice!

The time is NOW…

Bring presence, wisdom and beauty to your being and share in all your gifts that you have to give.

Because the world needs us now!

 

It sounds like I did have a message to share!  Feeling this writing come through me explains the eagerness and urgency I have been feeling!  The breathing and connection to this inner wisdom was profound – like nothing else mattered.  A wonderful reminder for my ego – as it is currently caught up in the stuff that is in my way.

So this writing appears to be for me & if you are reading this – then this is also for you brave one.

Now is the time!

Now.

Soul-Full Sundays Interview

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In a forum recently, the lovely Carrie, of carriehensley.com asked for volunteers for her popular Sunday Soul-Full Series.

I put my hand up at the opportunity to share my message…

Read the post here.

 

 

 

 

 

Choosing a life with 0% alcohol in the name of GREATNESS

 

Drugs and Alcohol.

Most people in todays’ day are familiar with them and are likely to have tried either/or, or both.

Since my teenage years I have known alcohol only to well.

I was raised in New Zealand.  A small country where it is seen as ‘normal’ to have alcohol as part of your lifestyle.  It was not at all uncommon to have a fully stocked beer fridge at all times, just in case that impromptu guest happened to drop by, and to seal the evening with a couple of bevies.  Steve, Mums partner during the time of my childhood even made home brew – so the house was never short of alcohol.

All occasions consisted of the family gathering at someones home, bringing along their share of cans for the day or evening.  It was normal.  Like food is for survival.  Alcohol is for socializing.

Like the lives of most typical teenagers – there in consists of announcements of house parties most weekends. Alcohol is a very prominent part of a party – and so like adults, like children, you take your desired beverage for consumption to said school house party.

I always felt pretty lucky, as Mum would always purchase my alcohol for me despite being under age.  A lot of friends had to ask older kids with fake I.Ds to buy theirs.

Fast forward some 23 years later why am I bringing this discussion up?

As I review my 23 years of consuming alcohol, I have reflected on why.  Why do/did I drink this stuff that makes me feel foggy headed, and crap the next day, if not subsequent days.

During my London days I could drink until the wee hours of the morning, and get up the next day to continue the game again.  Good ole 2o’s!

It’s only now sitting on the other side of this time, having learnt invaluable life lessons that I can completely understand why I did it.

In my understanding – Alcohol is a form of escapism.  Of not accepting parts of ourselves we want to happily keep hidden.  Alcohol allows us to feel more socially accepted, allows us to escape our anxiety, or awkwardness and insecurities.  As soon as we have a few drinks, we can feel more relaxed, unwind and at ease with the world around us.

Alcohol can sometimes allow us to be the person we really wish we could be, by eliminating our inhibitions.  But allowing us to open up.  Say the things we wish we could say when we’re sober.  Be funny.  Be bold.  Be uninhibited.  It is a drink of courage that makes us feel more powerful and successful, more self accepting.  That is until it wears off and reality settles in again.

I experienced all of this.  I would drink to excess.  I did not like myself, and was hiding from this pain.

Sometimes I would have two on the go at one time.  We used to have a rule that you couldn’t be double parked, and if you were, it was an automatic cause to skull one of your drinks.

2001 – I arrived in Sydney, Australia after my 2.5 years as a backpacker through London & Europe.  I was known as Heidi – the mullet party girl backpacker.  I was fortunate to land on my feet when I arrived in Aussie.  One of my London buddies, lived in a massive heritage listed house in North Sydney.  There was plenty of room for me in her lounge to stay, until I figured out my next move.

One night, all 4 flatmates of the house, including myself and some friends partook in a weekly ‘Doohat Dinner’.  We gathered and shared a meal and drinks together.  One of the flatmates Jaysin and I, were going drink for drink with each other.  He was making mine, and without a doubt was stitching me up.  I’m sure he was making mine half vodka, half mixer!  After dinner we decided to go out to a local bar down the road.  I remember stumbling down the road, the night air making me more drunk each step I took.  My head was spinning, yet I was determined to charge on.  I had a persona to uphold.  I believe I made it to the entrance of the bar, but struggled to hold myself up.  Nicola – another flatmate – thought it best I turn around and head on back home, so took it upon herself to walk me.  She put me to my bed in the lounge, with a bucket in hand, and wished me goodnight.  I remember that bucket became a valued companion that night.  This is one story of many.

Alcohol dulls our senses and gives us a false sense of ourselves.  It diminishes our bodies ability to process thoughts and energy.  It puts us in a lower state of vibration and invites in lower vibrating energies.  Negativity, Paranoia, Anger, Frustration to name a few.

As I continue along my spiritual journey of consciousness expansion, the more I become a sensitive – energetic being, and the more I do not resonate with drugs & alcohol.  I feel these toxins in other people, and when I partake in a drink or two – I feel a diminished vibrancy, expansion & aliveness.

Up until this morning, I have been somewhat happy to drink the odd drink here and there, and accept that this is normal.  Well, normal in the sense that if I do it, I will fit it.  If I don’t, then what??

Today I’m making the decision to cross into the ‘then what’ space.

I acknowledge that I no longer need alcohol in my life.  I am no longer hiding from who I am.  I do not need it to feel comfortable with myself.  I do not need it to have a good time.  I certainly do not need it to fit in.  I have decided to eliminate alcohol from my life.  And it’s not that I’m a big drinker anyway, so this doesn’t feel like a big thing.  It’s just that I am recognizing that I do not want this in my life anymore.  I am giving myself permission to own my power, vibrancy, aliveness in its wholeness!

I am choosing to feel good.  All the time.   I do the work.  I derseve to give this to myself.  I take personal responsibility for my health and wellbeing.  I do not want lower vibrating energies feeding off me.

Anxiety, depression, negativity are lower vibing qualities that don’t support striving towards a place of greatness in my life.

I am currently feeling unsatisfied in my life and I am the only person who can choose to change this.  I want AMAZING for my life!  I want to awake, feeling excited and in wonder & awe of life.  Not to know it, but to feel it. Every god darn day!

Feeling good is a choice, one that we all have.  We can all take steps, baby if need to be, eliminate negativity and lower vibing from around us.

I had this conversation with Neil this morning.  I told him that I have the power to choose what I want, and want I don’t want.  I told him that I don’t want drugs and alcohol in my life.  This invites him to choose what he wants.  If he chooses drugs and alcohol – he looses me.  Its as simple as that.  The choices we need to make might not be pretty – but this is why it takes courage to create the life we want to live!

In the home today it is a blurry state of acceptance and sorrydom as the haze of hangoverness sleeps.  The words have been spoken, and are awaiting rest.  The next few days will show the results of change, and what will unfold.

I eagerly await the rise of the new, from the old.

 

my alcohol free life

What is my life purpose?

Today I answered a bunch of questions for a fellow Amazing Life + Biz Academy Member, for the opportunity to be featured on her blog as part of her Soul-Full Sunday Interviews.  I have just read one of Carries’ blog posts, and it appears we are both Sexual Abuse thrivers.    I use the description thrive, as Survivor does not feel like a fit for me anymore.

I feel that I now THRIVE, that my story is simply that, something that shaped me into the amazing woman I have become in the world today.  I no longer resonate with that story, however I still wish to share parts of it, as I wish to show other women that there is a way forward from the darkness of your secret.

I share these answers with you, as I shared them with Carrie, as there is a message to be heard.  A message of inspiration.  Showing another way for women who have experienced the pain that abuse can cause.

It is time to rise up into the being that you are here to be in this world.  It is time.

 

How are you following your life path (dharma)?
In each moment I am aware of who I’m choosing to be in the world. I try to make sure that I am present with each & every person I come into contact with. I take personal responsibility for my body & being and trust by doing so, that I teach others that it is possible for them also.
I recently started working at lululemon athletica here in Canada. I love that the girls I’m working with thought that I was 26! I’m actually 36 and ½! I feel like that’s a pretty awesome testament to me!

Have you always had this calling? If not, was it a sudden/gradual shift?
I believe I have. I fit into that known story of not fitting in at school. My story begun with learning I didn’t have a Dad at the age of 5, then at the age of 8 – was sexually abused by my Mums boyfriend. I took on the beliefs that I wasn’t good enough to have a Dad & in the second example – shut down my emotions as I didn’t know how to deal with the situation.

It’s only in hindsight I see that I spent my teens & early 20’s ‘running’ from myself. I left my home country of New Zealand at the age of 20, from here life was hard and fast. I partied hard, engaged in recreational drugs, exercised like a mad woman & was determined my body defined how I felt about myself.
I entered a body building competition in 2006 – I spent 1 year working towards that goal. After competition & a Vision Quest I completed as part of my Life Coaching studies, my world fell apart.
This intention of my quest was ‘to shine’, I went through a very dark knight of the soul with depression for 2.5 years. This forced me to acknowledge the pain that I’d kept hidden from my childhood that I had been running from.
As I pulled through – I learnt that there was so much wonder & beauty in the world. I knew I had a purpose in this life that involved inspiring others to heal from their pain.

What did you have to give up by honoring your path?
I’ve let go of a lot!
Fear, Doubt, Worry, Anxiety, Pain, Lack…
I’d say in aligning to something greater that feels good, I’ve chosen to let go of the things that haven’t supported me feeling good.
This might look like; big nights out, binge drinking, recreational drugs, gossip, TV, reading Newspapers/Magazines, eating processed foods, sugar, non organic meat, obsessive exercise habits…
The physical things I mentioned just fell away as I changed. It wasn’t about letting go of them because I thought I needed to. It’s was about aligning to something greater, about making the CHOICE to FEEL good. To feel GREAT.

What have you learned/gained by remembering your true nature (honoring your path)?
That I am unlimited… I have everything that I could ever need, in this moment & every moment. All I need to do is align to the vibration of what I want, and I will attract what I need, or the steps to move closer towards attracting what I need.

That it is an absolute CHOICE to feel good. It doesn’t just happen, it is something that you need to work at. Chose to eat healthy nutritional food, chose healthy movement habits, choice healthy work & social environments, chose healthy thoughts…

What is one thing you do every week to honor your innermost authentic Self (connection to Source)?
I do a lot of things. I LOVE nature…. I will take time out and visit the local woods and breathe, probably even hug & talk to the trees there.
I will watch the insects and birds & notice how they might invite me in & let each other know that I’m there.

I meditate daily. I give thanks to Great Spirit and acknowledge its existence.

What is one treat you can share with us to bring along on our own path towards freedom?
Oh SO many…. But one.
Um, I would invite you to observe your mind.
Watch your thoughts.
Sit in quiet contemplation, or meditation and observe.
Or, if you don’t feel ready (yet), to start. Journal.
Write. Write. Write.
Write unedited on a blank sheet of paper. Just allow anything that enters your mind to be expressed onto that sheet. Give yourself 20 minutes of pure uninterrupted time to express your minds thoughts.

What is my life purpose?

Oh life you interesting monkey…

Oh life, you are an interesting monkey at times…

Today I share my Vlog about what space I’ve been in, and why it is a necessary part of growth & development…

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

With love, always <3

The mystery of evolution 

During this time, as Mercury goes Retrograde for the next three weeks, I find myself deeply reflective of the past number of weeks. I can’t say how many.

If I’m really honest with myself – they have been somewhat challenging. The context seems irrelevant.

As if I attach to the context, that could be the very thing supporting me to feel challenged. Whereas if I surrender, I float in a bubble of purity & openness.

An old friend wrote to me this week, and what she wrote really landed.

“Yes I understand what you mean regarding the situation with your business. I wonder if it is a reset in some way due to the re-emergence of the feminine, inviting us as women to sit, to hold and allow creativity to emerge…….. rather than being born of action and goal setting……so masculine, so controling, where is the trust in that?”

These were her exact written words.

Wow!

It’s SO profoundly true!

As women – we are still so masculine. Seeking to provide for our families, go to work, run a business, set goals, change the world. I don’t think there is anything wrong with this. But my friends words have me pondering.

Perhaps this paradigm shift is still VERY different from the ideas and that we/I are still driving.

Perhaps this reflective time for me is about completely rewriting my concept of life. Another opportunity to blow ideas from my mind, paving way for new inspired ways.

It’s not an easy ride I tell you.

To surrender it all takes courage. And damn right I am one helava courageous soul.

I release what I think I know, to arrive into the vast expanse of the unknown.

From here, well… That is a mystery.

What to do when life as you know it changes…

One of my biggest challenges in life so far is one of surrender.

Surrendering to what is, as opposed to what I want to be.

A lot of the time it is relatively easy.  Surrendering to a rest when I wanted to exercise.  Surrendering to not getting all the housework done when there are other to do’s to do.  Surrendering to not going out with friends when I need to catch up with myself.

These are all lessons in there own regard, but one’s I’ve been able to go with the flow with.

But what if the lessons are a little larger to let go of, what if it is something that you can feel grips you until your breaking point?

Currently it feels as though my experience of life changes daily.  What I thought I previously understood, changes in an instant!

Thoughts I’ve had about how to do something, or how I think something will unfold, can change as quickly as a thought.

And in that statement it says it all really.

Because everything that we believe is only a mere thought that can be changed in an instant.

And so to be in the experience of, is really all there is.

So how can one be attached to thoughts in life when they are mere fictions in our mind?

It is the conditioning of the mind, and the lessons of a lifetime to undo the conditioning of what we have learnt.

I find myself in observation of being attached to particular thoughts, only to discover that these are untrue.

My most recent one is recognizing how my Ego wants recognition.

Having commenced a ‘new’ job, one where I felt like I knew the basics of really well, I found it quite a challenge to be treated as a newbie and have to under go the training of it all over again.

I found that internally I was saying quite often “I know this, or I know that”.

It made me feel less than, to think that these people thought I knew nothing all over again.
(This wasn’t truth, merely my own projection of how I feel about myself).

And so my ego felt somewhat wounded, wounded through lack of recognition.

And in this, I realize how much I seek recognition.  Recognition that I somehow know enough, and not just within the confines of my job, but in life.

I want people to recognize that I know what I know.  To believe that I am as amazing as I believe myself to be.

I am aware of how I wish more than anything, for people to see me and be in awe of.

Which when I really ask myself, is not how I want to live my life.  Being awed.  I want everyone to recognize their own awe within.  The Guru within.

This feels like one small puzzle piece in the recent jumbo puzzle that is unfolding.  The one where I pulled my energies back into place, and saw that I no longer needed to ‘fit in’ to be accepted.  That it is actually ok, to simply be me.  And in aligning with simply being me, I am learning new lessons around this.

That now, people might not resonate with me, because I am me.  And that that’s not my fault, or problem.  I don’t need to change who I am in order to make them more comfortable or like me.

I have often kept myself in a safe space of creating an illusion of being on a pedestal.  Not that I think that I’m any better than anyone else, but it has been a mechanism that has kept me safe.  If I am ok, and somewhat understanding of those around me, then I cannot be vulnerable.  Which again is another untruth.  Because I am surrendering more and more to being vulnerable.  If I am not open to being vulnerable, then how can I invite others to be?!  However this is also something than continues to unfold.

Breaking down the confines of who you think you are, to move towards who you innately are, is one courageous feat, and I feel like it is something that does not end.  Perhaps in stages within our lives we are confronted with greater shifts that need to happen, as opposed to the more subtle one’s that happen almost unknowingly like shedding dry skin in winter.

At times we are called to pull deep within our being in order to acknowledge our inner call, initially we might not like what we see, and might be in fear of what hides beneath, this is why it takes courage.  Courage that cannot be found on Facebook or our Instagram feed.  We all have the resources that will see us through this journey, but will we take it?  We hear about it through our stories and our social media, but to personally undertake it, is such a different story.  It is our own.

It may take us away from what we understand in life to be real, it may take us away from the people in our lives we thought would be there rain, hail or shine.  It may feel lonely & isolating at times, and that no one is the world could understand what we’re experiencing.

The truth will set you free.  And you will be & you are.

Free from the confines of your mind that has kept you trapped from a life that was created to keep you safe.

Safe from what?  Well, I’ll let you explore that, and it will all become clear when you take your first steps towards your truth.

Why is my life so hard?Be Your Own Guru – NO ONE CAN BE THAT FOR YOU!

 

If you are experiencing steps towards becoming your own Guru, and are in need of guidance, I offer Be Your Own Guru Coaching.  Reach me at me@heidifirth.com

If you follow this one step, you’ll have motivation to exercise for LIFE

I don’t like to tell you, the reader, how to live your life.finding motivation to train

Do this, or do that, and you will get xyz.

There are enough ‘GURUs’ and blog sites out there, that will tell you your ‘5 Steps to your dream life’ or ’10 steps to a healthier you’.

Your task, if you choose to accept, is to find your own personal key, so that you can connect to your internal life manual and;

PERSONALLY ANSWER EVERY QUESTION YOU HAVE EVER ASKED!

Back in the day, I operated my life – pretty disconnected from my body, which is kinda funny considering I was worked as a Personal Trainer.

I was head down, bum up, and heading full speed in which ever direction I was facing.

I got shit done, but there was not a lot of balance within the rest of my life.

I thought I was in control, but turns out, I controlled my external life, as a means to feel in control, of an internal world that I was totally out of control with.

My thoughts about myself and food were my main two culprits.
– How I felt about myself.
– How I felt about myself when I ate.

As these thoughts were always forefront, there was often not much room for anything else.

These thoughts drove my life.  How I felt about myself, dictated the amount of exercise I’d do.  How I’d eat, dictated how I felt about myself, and how I controlled or binged.  If I binged, then I had to balance that activity out with more exercise, and so, I was trapped in this cycle that was relentless.

At the time, I thought this was completely normal.  I fit into the Personal Trainer mold, who cared overtly about what she ate, and how she exercised.  I even competed in a Womens Body Building Competition which was the perfect hideout for all of my inner demons to work their magic.  I found preparing for the competition easy in a sense, as I operated from my mind and my behaviors, I wasn’t at all connected to how I actually felt about things.

The relentless exercising and strict eating = I didn’t feel it.
Who I was being in relation to my partner = no idea.
When I injured my shoulder = barely skipped a beat.

Though I’ve noticed this way of being, this type of behavior, has come to be modus operandom or ‘normal’ for a great many people today.

Whether it is a body building competition, or copying the habits of your latest Instagram fitness Guru/s, we live in a world where we have become SO focused on our external environments as a means to making us feel good!

But underneath it all.  The thoughts, food & rigorous exercising, what is really going on?

Often at the core, there is a the lonely, sad, deep need of ours for love and acknowledgement.

It might look different, or slightly similar per individual.

This is the part that drives us.  That drives our need to eat a certain way, to follow a particular exercise trend.

We believe that if we look a certain way, then we’ll be accepted, and we will be loved.  Well, this was my story – the one that was my pilot to my vehicle.

This pilot (inner self), within our vehicle, (body), is what is driving our habits and ways of living.

What we want in life, is dictated by this inner self.

After my competition, I had worked SO hard towards that goal, that slowly as the weeks unfolded, I lost focus.  Of course I was still attentive to my physic, however I no longer had that finish line to strive for.

I slowly kept up with my training, but something deep within me was stirring.

It sat deep within my belly, I put it down to the amount of bread & junk food I was now giving myself permission to consume post competition.  I continued on with my workouts and 80:20 strict eating

A heaviness was growing within me.

Back then I was oblivious to my inner world, and so the ‘strength’ I knew, was to keep pushing through.

I pushed with my workouts.  I pushed with my work.  I pushed with current clients.  I pushed hard in every area of my life.

One by one, my clients began to let go of my services.

My income started to dwindle.

No matter how I tried to conjure up more sessions, it seemed nothing was working for me.

My business partner called a meeting to invite my separation from co-ownership, as she was witnessing my struggle.

I was putting on weight from my increased binges & lack of drive to balance it with intense exercise.

My motivation started waning.

My external world was crumbing and falling apart as I knew it.

And I too was falling apart on the inside, like the World Trade Centre.

I had no idea what was happening to me.

My self esteem was deflating.

I was lost and suffering.

It was somewhere around here, that I begun to regularly meditate.

I had meditated previously, but didn’t have what you would call a regular practice.

Step by step, I began to connect in with my inner world.  My inner self.  My pilot.

She was like a long lost part of me that I had cast aside in a cupboard and thrown away the key.

One can imagine how someone who had been in a cupboard may feel.

She had created the breaking down of my external environment to get my attention to come within to myself.

I now needed to build my relationship with her, and re-create a life that included her in it, not separate to.

My story continues on and on from here…

 

“A life lived in disconnection from our inner selves, is one that does not include our whole essence.  Is one that misses a deep resonance with life & its meaning.  To live and not feel our darkest lows and our highest highs escapes the wonder and magnificence that is being human. Being out of alignment with our inner world, skips wonderous magic that curves the tapestry of our lives… A life without moments of being, is not a life lived at all.  To miss the magic that is our essence, and arrive at the end, is a very very unfortunate realization to wake up too.

I invite the wonder in you, to rise up and challenge the wonder in all of humanity.  Give space to your truth, dive deep, and hold still the rich vastness that is you.  Breathe in your magic and unlock the gates of mystery.  Peace & Love are within us all.  The time is now to rise and uprise”.

 

There are literally THOUSANDS of Meditations on the internet at this wonderful time in our lives.  Why not head over to YouTube and search for one you like.  As a suggestion, try an Inner Child meditation, to support in your connection with him or her.   Here’s a few by one of my favorites, Louise Hay to get you started.

Should you need support in working with your connection to your Inner Child, and anything that arises, please feel free to reach out to me.
I am currently available for One on One sessions.

Heidi
Phone: +1 778-679-6727
Skype: heidi.firth

That awkward moment when you share what you’re really thinking…

Journaling has been one of the most useful TOOLS I have used over the past 10 years to support me in gaining clarity & understanding through challenging times.

In the beginning, it was the one place I could go to be totally unedited, 100% ME…

I would write anything I wanted, and express my deepest pains, fears, joys, confusion.

In a bid to gain clarity yesterday, here are the words I wrote, and the conversation I had with myself…

I share these with you to show you that we are all working life out, figuring out the journey and feeling tough stuff…

Journal share – 12 April 2015

I feel like I’m dismantling. Falling apart. Disassembling. Every thought seems old and untrue. It is an old framework that is breaking down in order to rebuild anew I dreamt I was in an old house/chateau last night that was doing just this, falling apart from the inside. I managed to escape from inside of it, to run and tell the others. They got on auto emergency fix it to try to repair the inner foundations. But I think it was already to far gone.
I feel like this.
It is ok.
But it is also a slight challenge. I feel like falling apart. I feel on the verge of a breakdown/breakthrough. My body aches and I think is trying to find its new configuration. The pain in my body has become a 6-7 out of 10. Neil did an amazing job of massaging it yesterday. It feels different, but a bit bruised. In my mind/world I seem to not be happy with anything. Like it doesn’t fit anymore I am aware of being ready for a new way of being. Maybe more lightness. More open. More love. I wrote open without being conscious of that. More creative. More fun. More flowing with each passing moment. There are hints of this one the horizon. Just at arms reach. Sounds like a BIG transformation.
By when do I feel this will be complete. 5 days. In time for the new moon 🙂
Life will feel NEW.
INTERESTING and an adventure again.

But for now?
Keep practicing self care. love, being. grounded. nature. meditation. earth. nature.
The things I know. 

I please ask that if you are feeling drawn to reach out and comfort me, I invite you to check in with yourself, and ask how you need to comfort YOU. We are all mirrors for one another.

I am well, and being comforted wholey and fully by myself.

With love. Always

journal writing for mental clarity
My writing expressions