My funk, gives permission to your funk

Sometimes the day calls for gentleness and not so much action.

This ride can be a challenging one when sometimes the next step is NOT clear, but a decision needs to be made.

Such is the case for me today, and as a result (I think), my thoughts and feels, are funky and so it’s been a slow day for me.

Despite having tools, I’m normalizing that this path is tough and unknown and that it’s impossible to be upbeat and optimistic all the time.

“the only way forward is through’

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Start this practice immediately | no excuses | just start

Often it’s the really simple things in life we don’t do that we know we need to.

– Drink more water
– Move our bodies more
– Eat cleaner food
– Drink less alcohol
– Work less, play more…

Nothing new here, but a friendly reminder that starting a Meditation practice each day is something that is absolutely needed in today’s life.

When you clear the trash in your mind to learn your inner landscape, that’s when you can really begin to work consciously with your energy and manifest your external world.

Learning your inner landscape, is like learning a new language, just start, and start with the basics.

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Use this tool to clear funky energy immediately

Every morning it is natural for me to check in with myself and feel where my energy is at, how it feels.
When it’s super funky and foggy, I put out a tool from my tool kit and apply it to increase my good feels.
This one is from an awesome man you may know – Wim Hof.

I follow my bodies lead and allow whatever I need to move through me;
– Yawning
– Burping
– Sighing
– Emotional Release
– Sound Release
– Physical Movements

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Wim Hof Video

Use this tool to shift old habits and funky energy

You know when you wake up in the morning (feeling like P Diddy), and you’re present to some funk. Not the dance kind, but the energetic kind.
Sometimes you sit with it, sometimes you can move it.
In this video I share a little of my funk and remind you how you can simply ask it what it needs. Simple right? Ya – I thought so too.

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Chat with Heidi here

Ego & Silence meet… What happens?

When Ego and Silence meet, magical occurrences can happen.

Parts of ourselves become present in our minds eye, we may never have had the pleasure of meeting before.

Much like how our Apps hum along in the background of our smart phones, so too do these parts of ourselves, our ego.

They use energy subconsciously, they have been magnetizing your very life experiences.  Creating it, drawing situations closer & closer.
To create the very moment.  This very moment… in Silence where you shall meet it.

This is the personal development path.  To come to know yourself, to meet your untruth, to pave the way for THE truth, the truth of who you really are in the world.

So as you meet your yourself, your hidden subconscious, you receive the opportunity to meet who has been running the show.  Your monkey mind creator – if you will.

They may not be pretty, but these separated elements of your psyche, created by experiences in life, during developmental stages;
Infant, Toddler, Adolescent, Teenage – pivitol moments that bonded themselves in our cellular memory.
Or perhaps deeper, older?  Past Life, Generational Contracts, In Utereo… Who’s to say?

But you are here.  You are brave.  Courageous.

You are meeting YOU.  Who you are manifest in the world.

Your journey.

All humans are seekers.  Seeking our truth.  From truth, we can make conscious choice.  Choices in life, choices aligned to our greater good.  Your greater good.

There is infinite wisdom connecting with your magnetic subconscious.  It knows, even if your mind does not understand.

You can feel it.

And so, you know…

 

+ Before we meet these hidden parts of ourselves, we don’t even know they exist.  They operate subconsciously, behind the scenes, but driving us.  It is not until we are in Silence, or triggered by an external person or experience, that they arise to the surface.
+ If you need support in recognizing behaviors you know are not working for you.
Email or Message Heidi at www.heidifirth.com

meeting parts of your ego

Grief Friend you are Welcome

Have you noticed how grief can be a trickster at times?

Disguised in one form, dressed as another.

Like an unannounced house guest, he knocks at the door, packed bags in hand, you answer in your underwear, the house a mess, you’re unprepared.  “Hello friend, I am Grief.”

He has come to visit.  To turn him away would be unheard of, perhaps a crime.  He never quite says what he needs, why he’s here, or how long he’ll stay for.  But you welcome him in, albeit reluctantly.  You both take a seat on the couch and he starts the conversation.

“How are you friend?”

You give your surface level reply.  “I’m good, I’m busy with work, friends, social situations, family.  I’m grateful for everything & everything is fine.”

He responds, “Is that right?  Tell me about how you’ve been feeling during your evenings alone?”

Something clicks inside.  You know exactly the feeling he is referring to.  You’ve been binging on chocolate & Netflix each night, in an avoidance of feeling this now named feeling.

“Tell me about THAT feeling he says, compassionately, lovingly.”

You sit for a moment.  For maybe the first time, tuning into that discomfort that resides in your body.  Uggghhh – there it is.  That heavy weight sitting, waiting…  Your breathing drops…  Your heart rate present – now seemingly louder…  You feel the energy expand outwards from this rock like weight.  Tears are forming behind your eyes, it’s coming…

You can’t hold back, nor would you want to.  You’ve wanted to acknowledge this, to feel this pain, you’ve just secretly been afraid.  The heavens pour down and you’re running with it.  Tears are falling down your face just like melting ice in your hot hand on a Summers day… your stomach contracts & heaves, as does your whole body in unison.  Your mind is blank in this moment, you have found relief.  In complete surrender to your bodies natural seasonal change – this emotional state.

Grief sits there quietly, very still.  Just looking upon you gently, lovingly.  A companion who has your back.  You continue to cry, beginning to wonder if there will be an end to this heaviness?

 

Time has passed some.  You’ve witnessed new insights drop into your mind, ah ha’s of what has been held so contained.

Memories from your past floating up from your subconscious.  Making their transition from one realm, to the next.  You can see more clearly, what was hiding.

What you were so frightened of.  It is not so frightening anymore.  Only here.  Present.  Accepted.  Free.  No stories. It is free.  You are free.  You are releasing the old.  The old that has driven you to hide from yourself.  Your truth.

Grief sits.

Placing his hands on your heavy heart.  You feel the ache.  The physical ache that now resides where before, pain sat.

You feel different.  Tired.  Numb.  Sad.  Heavy.

The couch feels good.  Comfortable.

The convulsions have subsided, the tears are now dry.

Your head feels expanded, kinda headachy, like it has just been squashed, but blast open.

Your mind blank.

Sitting…  Starring…  Quiet…  Peace…

Breathing now slow & consistent.  You look at grief, he holds your gaze in return.

“How are you friend?”  he asks.

You return his gaze and answer, “How are YOU friend?”

Grief has been heard.  He has been seen.  He sighs in his recognition.

Together you become one.

grief

The hare runs into the fire

‘The hare runs into the fire’ photo was taken during my Fire Circle, Monday night.

This sacred held space for sharing our authentic voice allow individuals to feel heard & held in the most special of ways.

I shared the image later with a friend who replied back with this poem he knew.

The hare runs into the fire.
The fire, it takes her, she is not burned.
The fire, it loves her, she is not burned.
The hare runs into the fire.
The fire, it loves her, she is free…
(from I Shall Wear Midnight)

I love to find the symbolism in fascinating experiences…
This could be interpreted as;
+ courage to run into the fire.
+ the faith to run towards what is frightening.
+ the audacity to believe the fire can be defeated.

What do you think?

 

hare runs into the fire

My experience with Landmark & why I’ve come home to NZ

So I’m in New Zealand after a whirlwind of events sees me here.

About a week ago, I returned home to Victoria BC, after spending a weekend in Vancouver attending a 5 day course in the name in The Landmark Forum.

To my knowledge, millions of people around the world have participated in this course, so you may have even heard of it?

Working for lululemon athletica, it is something that every employee gains the opportunity to attend as it is seen as something of value for one’s personal development. Chip Wilson, founder of lululemon took away grand insights into the way he was as a person, which then affected how he ran his company. Since then, lululemon employees across the globe get to experience this course after having worked for the company for 8 months.

Lets cut to the chase. I was pretty curious about what this was going to offer me. After having completed 2 intensive diplomas – each 2-4 years in duration to complete, one in Transformational Life Coaching & the other in Energy Healing – I knew I couldn’t and didn’t know it all, but was naturally curious – what would this course offer me?

Landmark breaks life down into a really simple structure, which make you reflect on yourself. It invites you to look at all the stories you’ve created, which have made up your life, and ask yourself “what is really real here”?

I got this part. I’ve been self reflecting for a good 10 years now, and know myself pretty thoroughly. But this method that they were teaching, was just so bang on, that one had to ask, well, what really IS real?

I have come to know that I am Heidi. Maybe not from this planet, maybe from some other light galaxy, incarnated into a human form in this lifetime to support people waking up to who they are. I appear light, bright, happy & personable. My purpose in life is to show others that they are their own gurus, their own healers so to speak. I knew that heading into this course.

Coming out of it on Tuesday night. I was absolutely that light being. Feeling like I could inspire change with a single conversation. Feeling like I was a world changer. Which isn’t a terrible thing, however that power can contain ego if one is not to careful. Posting on social media like a show off, running around your day like a mad fool, touching and inspiring all who subconsciously call for your help.

I returned to work on Wednesday, and was floating like a newly awakened being.  I initiated very real conversations everywhere I stepped. A guest would comment on her weight, and I wouldn’t hesitate to get into the nitty gritty of what was happening and have her share what was in her way. You begin to notice how random strangers will drop the tinniest of hints which are a cry for help. They may not be aware of it, but to the listening ears, you hear every word & tone.

I had a short shift that day where I felt like I was on fire.  Chatting to colleagues and guests, left right and centre. Stirring up change everywhere I went & with every conversation. I respected those who didn’t engage in conversation, and those that did – held the conversation as long as invited by them.  It all felt very free flowing and intuitive.  My lunch break rolled around and I suddenly wasn’t feeling well. I actually felt like I was going to die. Intense I know! So I called Neil and asked him to pick me up as this was how I was feeling.
> I won’t elaborate on this story & feeling of dying just yet. It leads into another existential story, – I’ll share it another time, or save this for myself.

Fast forward to the next few days. What goes up, must come down. There is a balance to life, a polarity to everything. Hot/Cold, Light/Dark, Happy/Sad – you get it…

With such an inspired high, there had to be the equivalent low. What I unknowingly had tapped into were memories from my past. My early childhood past. Now these are not horrible by any means. But lets just remind ourselves here, how does a child react when they are upset? What if he/she doesn’t get their own way? They throw a tantrum right? They express their anguish fully without hesitation! Lets just leave that example a seed of what was to come.

About 2-3 days of exploding like a child. Anger, Fear, Frustration, Sadness, Grief… No ego restrictions on releasing the ‘pain’ of my childhood. I didn’t know what was happening, and neither did my dear partner Neil.

He had come to his wits end with my behavior, and didn’t know what to do with me. He was scared & frightened – and understandingly so.  He’d spoken to his friends and they advised him to simply take me to the nearest hospital – get me dosed up on medication.

Neil knew I wouldn’t want that, so swallowed his pride (I imagine?) and called my Mum at home in NZ. Fast forward this part of the story, and here I am, with Neil & Mum, in Te Awamutu, New Zealand.

They have both been super worried about me, and want to know tangible results about why I acted out of character, so yesterday took me to a local Dr who listened to this story. He sent me for blood tests, in which the results should come through tomorrow some time.

There are so many other parts to this story which I will share in time, if the time is right.

Parts where I could hear various people, living & passed over, speaking through Neil to me. Lucid dream states where I saw various Spirit Animals show up to support the release of our pain. Even in awake states, various animals showed up to help us move through stuff. Animals such as Squirrels, Raccoons, Ravens, Dogs, a marvelous spider who weaved his magical web to protect our home, and even a Cougar making itself seen throughout Victoria that weekend.

I thought I was a shaman, moving various rocks and such around my home, orchestrating a change in the world, and a healing of the planet. I chanted, sang, drummed and played my Spirit Flute as needed, and heard the neighbors drum & tap in support of something they’d long wished for. I dreamt that I was one of 4 shamans overseen by one head shaman who would eventually invite us to his home in California to discuss these dreams & experiences, and go through an initiation process.

It has been a wild ride, and that description doesn’t even cut it.

The human brain is wild and mysterious, and after this experience, I really don’t think it should be pushed the way that it was at Landmark. I am speaking for myself exclusively. I cannot speak for others.

My takeaway from this, is DO NOT hurry your personal development! Be gentle, be compassionate, be nurturing, be LOVING. LOVE yourself as you would love another, how you would want to be loved in the world. Be that & that is all that you need to be. LOVE.

As a side note here; if you are experiencing any challenges based on dealing with your past, please reach out to me for support.  I understand how confusing it can be & how those around you may not understand.  I am available via Skype & Email at this stage.  heidi.firth | heidi.firth11@gmail.com

My experience at The Landmark Forum

I have cracked wide open

Today there is not to much else to do or understand, but just be and write a little.

It feels like everything is coming to a head, and life as I currently know it is changing, not before my eyes – because that actually hasn’t happened yet – but on my insides.

Since doing a breath work/sound healing yesterday afternoon, it has brought up all the emotions attached to my current situation.  (in case you haven’t read anything; the ‘up in the air-ness’ of my love relationship, my purpose/job/career, my country location…) Three very big life topics to look at at the same time.

I am feeling slightly split open, cracked, cloudy, foggy, unclear, sad, frustrated, sometimes angry, introspective, just to name a few.

This morning I don’t know what to do with myself.  Simple feels like a great place to start, so I have meditated, and now I am writing as I heat my breakfast and sip on lemon water.

I had a lovely supportive chat with Lynne yesterday afternoon – she reminded me of how the ego often needs to crack so that new life can pour in.  I’ve experienced this once before in my life, and that was in about 2008 – the time in my life when I became depressed & I can compare it to that time – minus the depression – thank god!

Its like trying to think a thought or ask a question – and all you see is blank unlimited space.

What should I do today? Blank Space

What do I feel like doing? Blank Space

Its an interesting place to be.  Hence pulling it back to simplicity.  Something I think my mind failed with when I entered depression.  That over thinking, need to know, brain of mine…

Its when the blankies hit “Blank Space”, then one resorts to a moment by moment affair of what one (me) wants to do with her time.

Which in essence, is all there ever is.  This moment in time.  The next does not exist yet & never will, until it then becomes the present moment.

We strive to achieve this type of presence in meditation.  Being in the here and now, connecting with breath & as I always like to do, my guides/angels & the magic that exists in the spaces between worlds.

Though, this said, lets not discount our minds and how much struggle they can go into & cause us when they are no longer needed (in this sense).

They have been built on us trying to create our lives in our minds.  I will live in this country, with this partner, I’d like to do this in the world, and earn this much money, so that we can go on holiday, live a bountiful life and feel happy…

Uh uh – this doesn’t even exist – our minds have created this scene based on past experiences & future ideas for pure entertainment pleasure – so that we can trick ourselves in magically feeling safe in the world.  This is the life that I want to live and am working towards – therefore I am SAFE!  When the reality is, life is lived moment by moment, it happens to us as a co-creation with us.

What I’m writing is so not anything new – no new concept to you at all, however it is the execution of it, that makes it all the more powerful.  Dropping ideas and conditioning and surrendering to the unknown and what life will gift us.

I shared a conversation with my neighbor the other day.  We were talking about drinking and why people drink.  She told me that she finds life boring, so having a drink is something has makes her feel good.  This is exactly the conditioning we are living with.  If we are not open & available to lifes’ gifts, then the mind will get bored.  We’re not open to being guided by our souls calling, leading us on our own personal adventure.

I don’t want to live a half arsed life – I never have, I feel now, that there has always been a strong will guiding me on my adventures.  Even as my head has been in the way for most of my life – I can now sense that it has always been there guiding me.

So the journey home is not an easy one, but a courageous one that will show you parts of yourself that you may not have wished to see, but it is well worth it.  Beyond worth.  It is life.  There is nothing else.  As if you pass this life having not experienced that wonder that is you, well have you really lived?

My biggest fear is dying without having release my magic within, having not met my purpose…

to have a baby, or not to have a baby, that is the question…

The other day, upon receiving Mums care parcel, the craziest experience began to unfold.

As if a virtual delivery message was received with this tangible parcel, a communicative message deeper than can be understood began to envelope.

Just after Neil answered the door to the postman, who held with him, our parcel, I began to feel nauseous.  It was as if suddenly I needed to release a HUGE almighty burp from the pit of my belly, but I couldn’t.

We opened the parcel together – which was perfect.  Perfect because Neil is not usually home during the day.  The weather circumstances saw him home, resting.

Mum had told me she had written a letter to us.  An outlet of her thoughts post a very recent conversation we had had.

It was one of those beautiful conversations, that is absolute gold to share with your Mum.  That one magical person who accepts you entirely.  The topic – children.

My whole life, I have never been the kind of girl who has said that she’s wanted kids.  It’s never been on my agenda. Though equally – I have never cancelled it out either.  This conversation was about my age & stage in life, and whether or not I felt like this was really something I wanted.  At the age of 36.5 – one would say my ‘use by’ date is near approaching.

I’d shared my fears, thoughts, my current relationship status, with my Mum.  I put it all out on the table.  And as Mum does, in that Motherly nurturing way, she received my words and shared her wisdom.

And so after this conversation, and an equally beautiful one with another wise woman Mother, I have felt a profound shift of thoughts towards this topic.  So much so, I came to the conclusion that I felt kids were on the cards.  With this magnificient shift, shared my heart & placed these cards on the table for Neil to hold.

As our relationship is currently up for review – everything feels very much in the air.  Are we right for each other? We are so different.  Our interests are so different.  Our ideas are profoundly different… anyway, this journeys onto another story, so for the meantime, back with the original story…

I was feeling nauseous, so after opening Mums gifts; NZ Chocolate, a Kiwi t-shirt for Neil; A hand knitted cushion – sprayed with Mums scent, letter with thoughts about making babies, I needed to lay down.

I was breathing & burping and making a whole lota noise, trying to release what was now present for me in my body. After a good 10 minutes of this, Neil came to the bedroom to check on me.  I told him what was happening & he lay down to support me.  Another few minutes passed and the energy releasing turned into tears.  As usual, I wasn’t sure the reason behind the tears; I just go with it and allow them to flow.  Neil continued to hold me, checking in that I was ok.  They continued harder and deeper with their release.  As this was occurring – what was birthing was a profound sense of energy – this energy – so strong a presence, felt like that of a little being, informing us that he was choosing us to be his parents!  This beautiful profound spirit was making himself known that he would be coming into our lives!  I started communicating this this to Neil, but simply could not hold back the tears!  I continued to cry and cry…

Nearing the end of feeling this magical presence – I felt an amazing sensation – I can only liken to that of being pregnant!  Not that I know – but it felt wildly profound and very real.  I did purchase a pregnancy testing kit to double check – but the result was a negative.

So since then, Friday, I feel like I have opened up to a whole new level of communication with the world outside of what we perceive.

There are continued parts to this story that stray off on different tangents, but this is the one I feel most called to write about for now.

After reading the book, years ago – Winter Moon Rises, by Scott Blum – I always envisioned that if I was to ever have a baby, then I would connect with its soul firstly.  This experience alters the ‘idea’ of having a child as most of us know it.  It is wildly profound and connecting beyond this world than we could know.

This story is not finished yet, in fact it feels like the beginning of something, beyond the realms of simply (complexly) bringing a child into the world.