My near death experience, yup… I nearly died… literally

Well well well…

I am just on the slippery slide out of the weekend that was…

It was mind bending & altering to say the least.

And it’s like, in hind-sight, I somehow asked for it.

I have been ready for a while now, to see something new, to somehow be awoken into a new amazingness of life, that perhaps I felt like I wasn’t getting.

Which is weird, because I consider myself a highly grateful being.  But a few things perhaps just weren’t matching up?

On Saturday, Neil & I somehow decided that we would get stoned at home & have a old ole laugh.

I’d mentioned to him previously that I was interested in doing this, but only with him.  A couple of his friends smoke, and when we’re out n about with them at their house, I have felt a sense of curiosity, but seeing my history with Pot, wasn’t feeling to brave to jump in with a bunch of people.

So we’d had a lovely day together, and roll around dinner time, knew we needed food, so decided to do a big shop & possibly buy some pot.

There is a ‘shop’ in Victoria which allows individuals to buy what they need for medicinal purposes.  So we headed down and like two teenagers, we oggled at the display and what we wanted.  We decided on a brownie & some other varieties of grass.

We were pretty excited, but equally I was expressing a few concerns I was having about it.  Neil reminded me to keep an open mind and to not head into it with fear based thoughts – which made sense.  I shared my concerns, we came to a conclusion & then basically let go & moved on.

Once home we quickly halved the brownie & deliciously sucked on the chocolaty goodness.

It felt like only a matter of say 15-20 minutes where I began to feel my consciousness shift.  I was deep into reading a Facebook post of a friends, & decided to reply…. It was mid reply I realized I didn’t know what I was writing anymore, and if it was even making sense.  I cut the comment & saved it into Notes on my phone just before giving up.

I moved into the kitchen to join Neil where I shared that I was beginning to feel its effects.  During this time we talked, laughed & joked around with how we were feeling.  Suddenly cooking our planned Nacho’s seemed like the most difficult thing in the world to do!  My only task was to cook the chicken, and I simply couldn’t remember how to do that.  Neil was in fits laughing at me, and I was laughing as I couldn’t work out why everything was suddenly so hard.

The music in the background was blaring and extremely incoducive to productivity – so we decided to change it to Edo & Jo.  Neil was having a hard time trying to find the CD, so called me in to do it.  As I was putting it on, instantly I felt an energy drop into my energy.
I had shared with Neil previously, my concerns about this happening, and this is where we suggested keeping an open positive mindset.  This experience just blew me.  During ‘normal’ daily routines I set up energy protection, I clear my chakras & aura, I complete energy clearing around the home.  But I have NEVER felt anything so prominant as the actual energy entering my through my head.  I said to Neil immediately – something just dropped in & I have to clear it!  He was really supportive and asked me what I needed & was there with me.  I ran upstairs and grabbed my smudge stick and started waving it about like a lunatic.  As I mentioned, I usually do this sort of thing, but to actually FEEL the reality & truth of how this happens on a level so unmistakabe was mind blowing!  I was attempting to explain what I felt to Neil, but felt like a goof as I was already loosing my mind.

I did what I ‘thought’ was a clearing, but when I joined Neil in the kitchen a few minutes later, I could feel that I hadn’t completely cleared the energy.  My crown felt wide open and I could feel a real heaviness in my step, like something was trying to pull me down.

I excused myself to Neil, saying I wanted to complete my clearing.  So sat down in the lounge listening to Edo & Jo and began clearing the energy around my head.  Suddenly everything changed.  I feel like the veil between the illusion of this world & the real world – the spirit world opened up. I saw how energy is all around us, not separate to, but one.  I saw Spirit there with us.  All the text we hear in Yoga, read on social media, in Spiritual teachings, it was all true in that moment.  One that sprang to my mind was, “you have no idea how supported you are!”  It was TRUE.  It is TRUE.  Edo & Jo were singing, and it was the Angels singing.  It was every Angel singing.  They were talking to me.  They are singing to us. In every message, it is being delivered by them.  In this divine moment of unveiling, I saw it all.  I understood LIFE!  I let go in absolute tears of gratitude & understanding.  I was blessing this awakening, I was crying, and I was continuously placing hands of prayer from universal source to crown, to third eye, to heart and repeating, over and over and over.  I could see.  I understood.  I now understood why we place our hands at heart center.  It all made so much sense!

Beautiful Neil was now lying on the couch next to me, holding me as I was opening to this unbelievable experience.  He had originally thought that I was having a meltdown, but I was attempting to explain to him that I now understood life.  How do you do that?  He understood – I had opened to the Oneness of Life.

My mind was blown… Was this something that I had been missing out on?  Was this something that everyone knew, but me?  Was this the reason why my life hadn’t taken off yet?  Because I hadn’t experienced this truth?  All these questions and more were now heading through my mind.  I could now see the truth.  I could see the truth in everything!

I joined Neil back in the kitchen after some time, with my newly expanded mind.  Truth.  I heard my mind say – look at the truth of your relationship.  Notice how Neil is with you.  I could see Neil.  I could see his nervous anxious energy around me, and I saw it for what it really was.  He is SO into me, that he is scared to be himself around me.  He dances around like a nervous ant, saying lovely things to woo me, to make sure that I’m seeing how wonderful he is, hiding himself from me for fear of me not accepting him as he really is.  I saw this, in it’s entirety playing out.  Each time, he said or did something, just confirmed the truth I saw even more.  I got scared.  Everything I thought to be true about our love, wasn’t the way I thought it was.  I could feel his fear around connecting with me.  I could see his fear.

This was too much.  I needed a break.  All this new information was to overwhelming.  To see all this truth that I hadn’t previously been exposed too.

I went upstairs to the bathroom.  I thought that I needed to poo.  It felt like I did.  But as my little body began to release & let go to enable me to carry out this basic human activity.  I saw everything that conspired to allow this little miracle to happen.  I saw how our environment, our thoughts, our bodies conspire and orchestrate this magical event.  I heard Neil cough.  I felt the resistance behind his cough, I felt how that then triggered my own resistance, I saw my insides contract to prevent the letting go that my body needed to do, to let go.  I closed my eyes and saw the energy contract & pull up.  I saw the dense energy that surrounded my sacral chakra, and the lessons connected within that energy, that connected me to Neil and how it was a catalyst to the healing of this dense energy within me, life lessons I need to learn… I saw it all… I saw the inner connections of everything within this world.  And because I saw it all, understood it all, something told me that it was now my turn to die.

I saw it all.  It all made sense, and as I saw my moment arrive, I knew it was time.

I saw how everything in my life had conspired to this very moment, and saw life as a bunch of soul lessons.  What really mattered was how we died, not so much how we lived.  This was my moment.  I understood how I had come to where I had arrived.  I had to leave this life to teach Neil some life lessons that he needs to learn, by my passing.  I felt the life begin to leave my body, and felt my body collapse and my spirit move from this life.  I saw the lessons that I would be taking into the next life, they grasped tight to my body as I, my spirit, began to let go.  I saw the souls I was connected to… I saw Mum, I saw Neil, and it was in this moment that I said – NO!  Not yet, I’m not ready, I’m not ready to go yet.  But I needed to let go, to transition over.  I had begun to collapse into the bath tub next to the toilet, when I saw that I had a window where I could decide to leave – and teach Neil the his lessons, or I could stay, knowing what I now knew, but teach him in another way.

With that window – I pulled my pants up, ran down the stairs to the kitchen and told Neil that I was dying.

He was a cool cucumber, and thought that I was just freaking out.  Which as I sit here now, telling this story, I really can’t tell if my experience was real, or if I was freaking out.

I thought that I was being given an opportunity to tell Neil I loved him, tell him what was happening, and then have the chance to leave.

Neil suggested I lay down, and he lay with me, and I thought this was perfect.

Neil told me I was freaking out, and to calm my breath.  He lay holding me for however long he did.

After some time he eventually needed to get up to check the food he was cooking, and left me in bed.

I thought that this is it, that moment had arrived.  I’d told him I was dying, and now I needed to go.  Nothing felt important anymore.  I didn’t feel the need to contact anyone.  To say goodbye, anything.  It was strangely odd.

This time it was like I felt life finally slip from my body.  My body was heavy on the bed & my heart was beating like crazy, faster than I’ve ever felt it.  I had the awareness that if I was about to go, I was going to have a heart attack, it felt like it was going to explode in my chest.  In fact, I recall waiting for it, as if that would’ve been my cue to leave my body.  It was a nightmare waiting.  I could hear how slow my breath had become, I had the awareness that my breath needed to fully stop before my spirit could leave.  I couldn’t believe I was dying consciously.  I was conscious to the life leaving my body.  It wasn’t pleasant at all.

Upon what felt like my final breath, I heard the bedroom door lightly bump.  The wind in the evening was linked with my breath, which tied with the movement of the bedroom door.  I knew Neil was downstairs and wondered if he’d know to come upstairs.  I understood why the dying don’t like to die in the presence of loved one’s as it holds them back from leaving.  It’s to hard to leave your loved one’s.  Yet the process of dying and leaving your body isn’t a pleasant one.  I understood that, and could see all that playing out.

But Neil came to the room & the rest is a blur… I know he started trying to wake me up.  I could hear him.  I could feel him hold my body, trying to bring me back to consciousness.  I could hear everything.  But I couldn’t respond.  My body was limp & unresponsive.  I remember him slapping my face.  Yelling my name.  At one point, I remember him trying to give me CPR.  Yet I could not respond.  I was caught in this nightmare between living and dying and I couldn’t do anything but surrender into it.

Neil ran to his brother’s bedroom and asked him to help check me out.  Andrew came out and they were checking my breathing and my pulse to see if I was alive or what.  I heard them say that my pulse was light & that I was breathing.  But still I couldn’t come too.  I saw everything so clearly though.  I could see how I was a magical puzzle piece orchestrating a healing with Neil, with Andrew & with our Neighbor Temple, who Neil had just gone next door to get.  Neil didn’t know what to do, so he decided to run next door and grab Temple.  While he was gone.  I could feel Andrew holding my hand.  I could feel that I was playing a part in his life, in his healing.

I saw her arrive in our room, but again, I couldn’t respond.  She was a little shocked and unsure what to do.  Everybody was lost and didn’t know what to do with the lifeless form I was.  They were talking about me, I could hear it all.

Sometime passed & my arm did a really crazy twitch & I felt my eyes open.  I still wasn’t coherent, but I was beginning to have function over my body again.  Neil gave his apologies to Temple & Andrew, and after some minutes they both left.  But before Andrew disappeared into his room, I heard him ask Neil, “so what’s plans for tomorrow?”, like really casually.  I remember thinking that was the most oddest question to ask after an incident like that had occurred.  I put it down to Andrews discomfort with not really knowing how to comfort his brother.

Neil again joined me in bed.  It felt good to have him near me.  I thought I was done with this ride.  It’d felt like twice I’d tried to leave my body & I was having jack of this feeling, this trip, this ride, whatever it was I was experiencing – I wasn’t having fun.  I managed to ask Neil “when will this be over?”, he  replied “a few hours”… Oh shit,  I thought.

The anguish I had been feeling, at feeling life leave my body was like a torment I wouldn’t place on anyone, it felt mean, extremely uncomfortable & the pure surrender of it all was just to much.
To surrender to the life you know and love.
Can you imagine such a thing?
Especially with a loved one by your side.

In the next space of time, I thought I was done.  I thought I was safe.  I was in bed with Neil, we were together, all was good.

At least I thought.  I could feel life slipping again, this time it was with Neil by my side.  I wondered – what is going on here?  Am I going to die in his arms?  I can’t do this roller coaster ride again!

I heard our souls speak.

Neil’s said – “do you see now”?

I replied – “Yes”  I sighed & laughed & again replied. – “Fuck You!”

He laughed and we held each other tight.

You see – we’d made a pact, like the movie The Notebook, that’d we’d leave together.  I couldn’t leave, because Neil wasn’t with me.

By him asking me if I could see.  I could see how my soul had kicked off this chain of events to tell his it was time.  Neil’s head, or Ego just hadn’t gotten the message yet.  So he’d been struggling to catch up with me.  Somewhere along our past lives, we had made this commitment to leave together, but it never actualized due to various reasons.  I had made the commitment to undergo this horrific dying experience so that his soul could catch up with mine and we could leave together.  The reason I said “Fuck You”.  Now it was our time.

Again life was slipping from me, but this time it was different.  I was held.  It was safe, and it didn’t hurt.  He had me.  It was like an orgasm…. The sighs & blissful union of uniting with another soul, enable the message of life and it’s true meaning.  LOVE.  We had love and that was all that existed.  We sighed in the acknowledgement of life’s true meaning, and that we were leaving.  Except we didn’t.  When it came to Neil’s final breaths, he couldn’t let go.  He didn’t want to, he wasn’t ready, and so neither could I.  I couldn’t leave without him.

I don’t know what time it was when I finally came out of the final cycle of what I thought was my dying.  I know it was one scary arse trip that is beyond this world.  This physical world.

Sunday continued to confirm how real my consciousness shift was for me, by the interactions that were had between Neil & I.

Today – I feel a heck of a lot better, but am still trying to make sense out of this.  Did it happen?  Was it real?  Or was I just severely tripping out?

I’ve even considered going for a few tests?  Did I really nearly have a heart attack?  Soul says I should just let it lay – my head is curious.

Yesterday I even asked Neil if we spoke when he came to bed.  I suppose I wasn’t specific enough with my question, so the answer I received wasn’t the one I was after.

Through that night, I saw that everything I believed existed.  And that in one moment to the next, you can believe a different thing, and it will still be true.  That not any one thing exists.  Everything is true and everything can change and it will, and the moment it makes sense, it will just as quickly not make sense.  It is all an illusion…

Where does this leave me now?

Today I got up and carried about my tasks as I do.  I woke up.  I ate breakfast.  I went to the gym.  I drank my coffee.  I wrote blogs.  But there is a new sense of clarity.  A calmness, and new perspective reality, for now anyway.  Upon arriving at my coffee shop, I wondered if I would bump into my new friend Jeff – a character I met last week who understood the likes of energy & consciousness… It appears I invited him to the cafe by my very thought.  He was there as I sat down with my coffee, and I couldn’t wait to share with him my story.  I guess I was hoping for some insights into it.  He suggested maybe a rebirth?  I’m not so sure?

What stays with me, is how this experience affected Neil, and how I saw that it was something he needed to experience in order to wake up.  It doesn’t make it any easier on me.  My instinct is to protect him.  However this works in complete opposite to its purpose.  I see the inner workings of our relationship, how we do this dance of protecting each other.  I pull back, he steps forward.  He pulls back, I step forward.  We dance a dance.  This is our dance.  And through my experience – it is not one I am in control of.  I am a puzzle piece within it, but I am not the conductor, there is something larger that I am a part of, we are all a part of.  And the way things are, is the way they are meant to be, and it is all perfect.  Everything is perfect and always is.

15 Day Challenge – Day 5 – What is an old habit I am replacing with a new one

Letting go, letting go, letting go….

Todays challenge blog topic…

Friends, habits, behaviors that don’t support you.

You are the sum of those 5 people that surround you…

Are they supporting you to be your highest most amazing self?

Some of the examples shared.

What comes up for me, and has been shining through today in my interactions, is when I am, and when I am not, being a shining being, an example of lightness & brightness in the world.

You may have heard the saying – be your shiny self and you give permission for others to be the same, (or something to this effect).

I feel this is true right now, more so than EVER.

If we are brought down by the lower energies, the daily dramas, the pain in the world, the bad news, we are not holding a space of light & possibility for the world to choose to do the same.

If we are happy, shining, going about our days the way that makes us feel good, we do not need to feel bad in anyway for feeling this way.

Sometimes I feel that I am to positive, to light, to ‘water off a ducks back like’, and that by me being this, I am making others feel bad.  The truth is, I may be bringing up discomfort, thoughts, feelings, emotions, in an individual by being so, but this is their opportunity to let go of what is in their way from joining me in my happiness – our happiness, the collective happiness of Earth – that is our innate birthright.

Do not feel bad, for feeling good.  For smiling, laughing, making loud noises in public.  There are NO rules to life.  There is only feeling good. And we get to choose this daily.  in fact, each second, each minute, each hour, each day.  It is a conscious choice to feel GREAT!

“What’s mine is mine.  What’s yours is yours”.

This is a simple little mantra one can begin to ascertain energetic karma.

If someone is angry – this could be their anger.
If you are in the presence of them & you feel angry because of their anger;
1 – there is anger that needs addressing in you – that you need to let go of.
2 – you have picked up on their anger, they have corded you, and you need to detach & give back what is theirs.  Creating boundaries.
3 – you don’t feel their anger at all, it is not a trigger to you, you are holding the light bright, showing them that they can release their anger right here and now if they so choose to do so.  They may get more angry if they resist, but if the are ready, they will release this pattern & you will have shown them the way to a new space.

I hope this example gives an insight into how to bring the light in life situations.  My consciousness is a bit screwy since the weekend, so words feel weird to write, giving examples of energetic experiences.

Nahko & Medicine for the People sing the songs of raising awareness & bringing the light….

I HIGHLY recommend you start following, check him out on YouTube.

good things coming

How to be a responsible energetic being…

I feel like I am in the middle of a pretty big process right now, and I wonder who else might be feeling it too.

I woke this morning to read a number of Facebook posts from women expressing their versions of it, so thought I’d make an attempt to try also.

Usually I would write in my journal about this sort of thing as it that makes no sense to me in my brain, but since I am without a formal journal just yet, figure it may make an interesting post?

I feel muddled, unfocused, a little confused and ready to burst wide open.

Elizabeth Peru says its a huge energetic “out with the old, in with the new” time right now – and boy do I feel it!

I woke this morning with a stiff neck and have felt rather meeehhh – so know something is up.

I decided to energetically clear the house, and I know with our recent vacation, it hasn’t been receiving the love that it usually does from us.  I found a few dark dingy spots, and definitely a few spaces that needed the murkiness cleared.  It is important for me to do this regularly as I can’t control the energies of the people who I am living with.  My sensitivities can sometime frustrate me as I find I pick up on others energies and it tends to make me feel worse for it.  It is teaching me to be more proactive in clearing and protecting, and I am grateful for these lessons, but equally frustrated to live with unaware unconscious individuals.  Likely more lessons for me here.

I feel like I am about to burst into a brand new welcoming space of light that is rich and full with all that I have been consciously and sub-consciously manifesting.  I know this as, the old thoughts presenting just seem to old and out of alignment with what I am working towards.  I am aware of this, but somehow still get pulled into them a little – I am at that threshold before crossing the bridge permanently where these thoughts will be nothing more than the past, a distant memory.

There is so much I anticipate welcoming in!  I am aligning to a new sense of myself – one that will support my new business and how I show up in the world.  One that is aligned to the world and its good.  Tools & insights are slowly dropping in, but nothing that completing makes sense to me yet.  As I said, I am in that middle, a space in between.

If this is happening collectively, there will be energetic debris floating around the earth looking to attach to unknowing individuals, and so there is no time like the present to be MORE conscious to how we are choosing to spend our time, look after ourselves and self care like crazy!

My upcoming e-book, contains specific exercises for self care & nurturing, but in the meantime one simple exercise that we can practice is to protect our energies.  We can visualize white light pour down from our source (Universe, Light, God – whatever or whoever you align too), enter our crown chakras, and cloak our energetic body, protecting us from energies that don’t serve our best & highest good.  It is FAR to easy to not do this, picking up energetic debris, taking it home with us, into our sacred spaces.  This very debris creates experiences and thoughts that are likely not even ours.  Arguments, discomfort, dis-ease, illness… any little manifestation of it…  I have added a link HERE for further detailed information on the ‘how to’s’ of energy protection.  Why reinvent the wheel right.

Not only is it important to practice this little ritual of energy protection for yourself, but if you do feel called to, maybe when out and about in the world you send a golden Reiki Blanket, or energy cleanse public places…  I remember attending my Reiki 2 Workshop and the beautiful Jacqui Bushell shared that she often does this as public service.  When out and about, she will sit and consciously clear the energy of the place that she is in.  Can you imagine?  What a beautiful service to offer to the world.  You then save those people around you from picking up on the energetic crap that is floating in thin air.  It’s a shame we don’t adopt Balinese Traditions with our daily offerings and service to spirit.  If you’ve been to Bali you to will know of the magic that you feel by being on that Island – it is beyond words.  But until that day happens, I invite you to take the steps towards being an energetically responsible individual, and protect your energies and if called, clear public spaces of energetic debris.





A conversation with my menstrual cramps…

This month, today actually.  I am having particularly strong menstrual pains.

I decided to apply my technique (that I shared in a previous Facebook post) about tuning in and asking it what it needs.

Sounds almost crazy to something that one is almost accustomed to having each month?

Still I KNOW that as a Woman, I am NOT meant to be feeling these intense pains each month.

I thought about describing the feeling to someone who didn’t understand what they felt like, and it goes a little something like;

“It feels as though someone has grabbed a hold of my uterus through my pelvis, also grabbing my lower spine while they’re in there, and is attempting to pull them both out through my pelvis, constantly.  YEEEEOUCH!

Sounds delightful doesn’t it?!


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO is the RAGE that I feel at this feeling!




How on Earth, Where on Earth can I head to release this primal rage inside of me!

I am sitting here right now, in front of my computer, neatly typing about such ravaged words….

There is an absolute mismatch!  An incongruency in action.

This past week, I have tapped into a shift I am processing at present.

It is one that stems far deeper than my individual wounding, and drops into centuries of womanly wounding.  I don’t fully understand it, and how could I if I, my body is not centuries old.  But my Spirit is.  My Spirit tells the story of the centuries of woman’s pain.  My Spirit knows at its core what needs to heal, and I feel strongly, I feel it communicating to me, preparing me to let go and commence healing for something far deeper than I will ever understand.

I was reflecting on this topic last night and wondering how the HELL would I be able to discuss such a thing.  I mean if this is what I am called to write about, to talk about, how can I, who has no knowledge of this start.

Spirit knows.

Spirit always knows.

And so, I am going to write the words that I receive from Spirit, in answer to the questions I ask.

Q:  What is it that I need to acknowledge about the Woman’s Wound?

A:  It is time to burst open with love for the divine feminine that has been repressed for far to long.

Q:  How do I do this?

A:  By doing what you are doing now.  Acknowledging that it exists and bringing light to the dark that has been.

Q:  OK, and then?

A:  And then you can share with your tribes of women who also experience deep pain within them and their families of origin.

Q:  What will I say in my words?

A:  You say what is true in your heart.  What is real for you in this moment.  Share you raw emotions, your hurt , pain and suffering for having felt your divine feminine suppressed.


Q: (to myself) What has it been like for me, Heidi, to have my divine feminine repressed?

I feel curled, contracted, bundled, shackled, leased, un wild, tamed… like a caged lioness who has been held captive, unable to hunt for her pride. I feel repressed energy, sadness and grief, dark, the sunrise before it has risen, ready to rise, but time standing still.  A scream with no voice, unheard and alone.  Alone, unattached, small, a flower bud before it has blossomed with all the pressure building to bust and burst its beauty, an air bubble beneath water beaming towards the surface, but just beneath the surface… all these feelings and MORE…. just waiting, longing, wanting to be FREE!

Wow…. OK

Soul speaks, listen.

It is time.  Perhaps it IS the time of the WOLF?


What if you are far greater than you know!

Where attention goes, energy flows.

This is the way of the Universe.  This is the way of the body.

We are born into this world given everything that we could ever need within us.

But it seems that somewhere along the way, we lost our way.

We seek for love, meaning, knowledge outside of ourselves.

We go on a journey that takes us so far from ourselves, that we’re not sure we’ll ever find the way home.  Physically, Emotionally or Spiritually.

This may not be everyone’s story, but it was definitely mine.

I lost a connection to myself in the decision that I made to protect myself, or, protect my Mother from telling her what had happened to me.

I somehow thought that I had done something wrong, naughty, bad, so therefore I could not, dare not tell my Mum.

In that small child mind of mine, I separated myself from myself.  I detached emotionally and shut off to protect myself from the world.

In the years that followed are a string of side effects that steam from the very core of this event, and likely even deeper as I am only now beginning to awaken to.

See human beings are programmed for love, connection, tribal being.  Not pain, suffering, despair and wounding.

It is our personal pain, compounded by our ancestral pain that see’s us as a civilization so detached from our innate magical selves.

We are amazing beyond our knowledge, we are infinite cosmic beings who block our own magical potential for power.

It is in Meditation & Healing’s that we minutely come to sense a tiny glimpse of who we are.

Even words do not, or could not express who we are.

But our bodies are the gateway to this wonder..  If we did not wear these bodies that we wear, then we would just be our essence.  Our Spirits, floating, drifting gloriously about without a care, worry or purpose.  Combine the two & who knows what you’ll get.  Magic infused in a vehicle that can do anything!!

Why are we so scared of our own potential!

Because we are powerful beyond belief.

We block our potential and create energy blocks, manifesting into physical di-ease and unrest.

We are surrounded by a society so detached from self, we are lost as a culture.

If I could do ONE thing in this life, it would be to teach those I encounter, how to connect to their innate wisdom.

To teach the tools to create vibrancy & health.  To be able to bound through life with such joy and meaning..

But I can’t teach responsibility.  I can’t teach everyone to choose the road less traveled.  To acknowledge their buried pain and tribal/family wounding.

But where will we start?  If not this generation, will it be the next?  Or the next?  Who will step up?

When will courage be infectious.  What would it take?

If courageousness was as hipster as the latest Instagram trend, would we then have our market?

Does change need to have a catalyst of pain like the Sydney Seige?

What if it didn’t?

What if we simply woke up tomorrow and KNEW who we were and our PURPOSE?


10 Quick Health changes you can apply NOW…

Wanna read some of my favorite things that contribute towards my Health?

1 – Stop.  Close your eyes.  Take 5 deep breaths into your belly.

2 – Drink a big glass of fresh clean NON tap water.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.

3 – Take your shoes off.  Walk on the grass.  Focus your energy down to your feet to receive the energy from the Earth.

4 – Lay down on the ground and turn your feet up a wall for 5 minutes.

5 – Take a cold shower.

6 – Watch your thoughts.  Catch a negative one & consciously flip it into a positive.  Write it down.  Sing it.  Dance it.  Draw it.  Play it over and over in your mind.  YOU ARE WONDERFUL AND SO VERY VERY LOVED!!!

7 – Get to bed no later than 10.30pBlog image 1m.

8 – Jump in the Ocean.

9 – Have an Orgasm.

10 – Sleep naked.

Do you speak the language TRUTH?

Since getting regular with my writing and posting, I am learning that everyone has something to say, perhaps they just haven’t learnt how to say it yet?

I remember when I first met my coach, she was able to explain, in perfect detail, exactly how I was feeling, and describe a particular pattern I may have been caught in.

I remember thinking – I wish I could take this lady EVERYWHERE, so that she could articulate my words to my friends.  Also, I wondered if there was a course I could take to learn the language she spoke.

Today, I am reflecting on the time that has past since that session, and acknowledging that I NOW speak that language that she did in that session.

The language of TRUTH.

We are beginning to hear more and more of this TRUTH.  But what does it mean to you?

I reminds me of Mum saying to us kids, “now tell the truth”, as if we’d just done something naughty and now we have to fess up.

Fess Up.  Tell your Truth.  Speak of that which you have been up to.  That which is on your mind.

Who is scared of others knowing what is on their mind?

For a LONG time, I felt like I was a fraud.  Scared that people would find out that I was BULLSHIT.

Find out who the real me was, and then reject me for all the things I didn’t like about myself.

When I started my Personal Development Journey, my mask that I wore in the world, that showed everyone that I was ok, and that I had my shit together, it slowly began to fall away.

I had to develop a relationship with that part of me deep down.  That part that felt like I was a fraud, that part of me that was scared.  The part that was my TRUTH.  The TRUTH about how I felt about myself!  Who wants to admit that this is how they feel about themselves?  No one.  Which is why we hide behind our masks.

At Vision Quest, I set my intention to be a shining star in the world.  I threw that piece of paper into the fire, and walked away from it, not at all understanding the extent of the intention I had just created.

I had asked for all of my masks to be melted away, revealing my true self, my shining light.

On the weeks/months/years that followed, I had completely dismantled my false sense of self.

I was stripped back to the very core of who I was.

My shining light self, that was not yet shining.

My TRUE self, raw and vulnerable in the world.  Striped to expose that truth of the pain that had resided there.

During this time, I didn’t know this.  I didn’t know these words that I am explaining to you now.

I only knew Lost.  Fear.  Pain.  Sadness.

To society, I was depressed.

To my Nature Care peers, I was undergoing a Spiritual Emergence, maybe even an Emergency.

Most will take Anti-Depressants because it is not an easy path.  (no judgement – huge topic here…)

Day in, day out, showing up in the world experiencing this level of pain.

Living in a world that doesn’t accept this level of pain.

Take a pill, you will feel better.

Time will heal.

This too shall pass.

I’ve heard them all.

But to sit in the depth and TRUTH of this space, is a journey that even the bravest soul may cower.


What is your TRUTH?

Is it that you are scared?

Is it that you are in pain?

Is it that you are deeply unhappy?

We all know this language of TRUTH.

But do YOU speak it?

Or do you turn the other way?


Tuning into your AMAZING bodies innate WISDOM

Most mornings here in Canadia Land, I wake up and ask myself, how do I feel today?blog image

What do I want to do, what do I want to feel, what can I do today that will contribute towards creating a life that fulfills me.

(When you’re not working, and you have a heck of a lot of time up your sleeve, you have a lot of time to think about this stuff!)

I’ve had to really draw upon my tools that I’ve learnt over the years, because sometimes I wake up and don’t automatically feel good.

I’ve have felt sad, and lost at times.

There is so much theory about that states we choose our state of being. So when we feel like crap, how does it feel to be told, you are choosing that? It makes one feel even more crap, likely even angry.

Angry is good.

Anger has an energy that has the power to shift the crap.

We feel angry because our ego wants to defend us feeling crap – it has invested in the crap. If crap doesn’t exist, ego doesn’t exist.

In my experience, and I HAVE experienced the above, it took my conscious observation to see what my ego was doing.

Before the awareness of observation and choice are apparent, perhaps it might be, that you need feel crap?

Maybe there is a message for you within the crap?

During my coaching studies we were taught that giving space to an emotion, any emotion, is such a wondrous and powerful tool…

I used to live in a world where I constantly denied anything other than happy. This pattern took me was down the rabbit hole of depression. I didn’t honor my whole self, and so as my development guided me, I reached a place where I needed to honor that that made me whole.

I needed to honor the sadness, the crapness, it needed releasing into the world, releasing from my physical body, so that I could find a new balance within me. One that acknowledged happiness AND sadness.

So learning this lesson, AND to read that our emotions are a state of mind, it never sat with me at this time.

Until, I learnt, how to balance my emotional state. How to acknowledge how I truly felt, what was underneath it, to then consciously make a shift in my being.

My observations today witness a world, where we are quick to tell people that they can CHOOSE to feel happy, and this is TRUE.

And, I also feel like we are at a turning point where perhaps most people, need to be acknowledged for not feeling happy. Maybe feeling sad, angry, frustrated. As it is through these emotions we can move into an authentic state of happiness.

I know all about living a life not dancing with the sadness, not giving space to the equal and opposite emotion of happy…

I learnt the tough way, I took the gateway through depression to the other side. To move into a whole and fuller way of being.

At any stage in your day, take 1 minute to close your eyes and check-in with yourself. Ask, “how do I feel today?”

Wait for your body to answer, it usually appears as a one word answer, or a sensation/feeling, maybe even a symbol. (everyone is different)

Then ask it…

“What do you need?”

Again, wait for the answer…

What you then choose to do with your innate answer is up to you.

To live in alignment with your bodies innate wisdom is health, and I for one am a MASSIVE fan of my BODY and my HEALTH.

You get to choose daily what you wish for your highest well- being.



I bet you’ll feel challenged to action this message from your SOUL…

What is purpose to you?

What it is, is different from one person to the next, as we are all individual souls here with a particular purpose.

I have been thinking about mine a lot with so much time on my hands at present.  I recognize that the more time I have to myself, the greater I get to know myself.  I’m not distracted by the external demands of being social, working at my job, a relationship (while Neil’s away), things that I would usually be busy-ing my time with.

I am learning how greatly sensitive I am, attuning to this tells me there is grand purpose in spending time with me.

After getting through the cold that I had last week, I found a routine to regularly meditate & clear energy each day.  I connect with my heart & soul and ask it if it has a message to share with me.  Some days I don’t get anything, but more often than not I get a message.  Usually one simple word.  Today it was Be.  The other day it was Go.  I have listened, and apparently our life is as simple as listening to our souls and taking action.  Be.  Be in each moment.  So today, as I set about my day, my intention became to BE.

Currently not working, I can’t help but think about what will I do?  What will be my income earner?  I am SO conditioned to working, that I recognize I am in the discomfort  of changing that belief or pattern.  I know that I don’t want a job that is simply that, an income earner, and so in this beautiful period of not needing to work, I still can’t help but be curious – it’s the minds way – it wants to know the answers.

I am grateful and blessed to be able to finally watch and absorb the content from YouTube videos and Paul Cheks blogs that I just know I have a great purpose to follow.  I resonate with the content I’m hearing & watching so greatly!  My mind wants it NOW, it wants to feel the value of contribution of making a difference to the world, of being in action.  But you know what, the balance of being in action, is inaction, not lazy, but rest.  Yin & Yang.  It is the nature of life.  If I have great purpose, then its opposite is true too.  Great rest.  You know that old saying, the calm before the storm.

So what is purpose again?  Is it action?  Is it inaction?  Or is it simply acting on your souls daily message to just BE.

All are true and correct. <3