I am drawn to write about an interesting topic, I can’t say I’ve seen to much written on.
How do you deal/cope/work with, your partner, when he or she is dealing with the loss of a parent, or loved one?
This is coming up for me in my life right now, and I have reached a conclusion that I’m comfortable with, but thought it might be interesting to start a conversation.
My partner has been dealing with the loss of his Mother.
She passed away so suddenly, 65 years young, on 25 August 2014, not to long before I moved to Canada.
He has been the sole Executor of her Estate. Dealing with everything from the sale of her house, sale of her car, all of her finances, every single belonging in her home – including all photo albums, even down to his old baby clothing and toys. Everything.
It has only really been 2-3 weeks since we returned from Ontario, packing up all her possessions and shipping them back here to British Columbia. That is 7 months that he has been responsible for ALL of the above duties. 7 Months! Where is his time to grieve within that?
He has dealt with a niggly cough and a runny nose here and there, but really…
What does grief look like? Does it have a structure, and shape? I’m pretty positive it doesn’t.
Then it is only understandable his recent behavior and who he is choosing to be right now.
The past few weekends he has had fairly huge nights out with the boys, ending with a night on the couch, either here or at a friends. There have been long working days, facebook & internet trawling during non business hours, the odd snappy comment, all disbursed amoungst the odd moment of being. When these are out of reach, he is snoring wherever his head lays.
Perhaps this is grief for him?
Now, I’ve been going through my process of judging this. Initially thinking “come on! deal with your emotions!”
Just like with my clients, I cannot have an agenda for how he chooses to deal with his. But internally, I have had.
What comes up for me, is I miss all the beautiful interactions that I share with him, when he is present and free from his pain. Loving intimacy, fun & laughter, joy & playfulness. It can be easy for me to point the finger and judge him thinking; this, that, or the other isn’t happening, point my finger at him to deal with his stuff!
But this is a relationship, sometimes there will be challenging ebb & flow between joy, sadness, laughter and discomfort.
As he disappears into his world of distraction, perhaps this is an invitation for me to lean into my power and strength and support him. Loosing my agenda to what I wish for, and simply being in the moment of discomfort with him. I have been doing this on occasion, and notice it does require strength and grande self care. I often need to excuse myself for walks, meditation or time out when I need – this has been SO important.
I am acknowledging this more as I write. This is not the work that returns a pat on the back, or large shinny accolade. It is truly life and who we choose to be for each other through its various stages.
After my years of self development work, learning to love myself and take care of myself, I am only too aware how selfish this has made me. Being selfish is not a bad thing, though when it stops us from loving and caring for those around us, then we need to re-establish new patterns for being. I think this is my current lesson.
One day the tables may turn, and I might find myself in his position, with him feeling the same way I am right now.
Life and it’s magical Ebb & Flows.
How have you dealt with emotional challenges within your close relationships? I’d LOVE to hear your experiences.
Please leave a comment below to share a discussion xx
– Confronted with my mortality
– I’ve fallen down in a puddle of tears
– My middle back is in a state of contraction
– I blew up at a call service operator this morning
– I’m on a 5 day self imposed cleanse which includes no coffee…
First up, I want to acknowledge how ‘first world’ my problems are in the grand scheme of life. They really do not seem like problems at all. However in the name of my spiritual growth and development, and in turn, the health of this planet, on a scaled down level where each individual’s challenges are significant, and contribute towards the whole, these are mine. In order to shine my light brightly in the world, these are my issues to overcome. There’s that paradox again,
Everything AND Nothing.
My problems are everything to me, but to the greater world and the worlds problems, mine are nothing.
So my post today, is about our ‘first world’ problems, on an individual level, as we all have them, AND they’re still really important for us to overcome & acknowledge on our path as human beings, seeking greater meaning in the world & what this life is all about.
Often we buckle down in our nests, and deal with ours on our own, or we don’t’ deal with them at all. We don’t acknowledge how we feel, by keeping ourselves busy with our life’s, our families, our children, our social calendar, our work, our hobbies, and so on and so forth.
But I’ve learnt, in order to really experience the true fruits of life, we also need to experience some of the seemingly ‘forbidden’ fruits. The rotten one’s lying on the ground that we perhaps don’t want to take a look at.
How does one even begin to acknowledge these fruits, when perhaps they haven’t done so their whole life? You may not even be aware of such things. I know I wasn’t!
It all began in my Life Coaching sessions with Vanessa Auditore. (you can find her work here).
She started asking me self reflective questions, based on what I was sharing.
I was defensive, and closed off, to say the least.
She reflected my words back. “so, do you think there’s nothing wrong with you?”
I don’t remember my response, but I’m sure it contained the energy of a huge STOP sign.
“Sure, I’m ok? Aren’t I?”
The first time we begin to internally reflect on ourselves, developing our consciousness, can be a scary thing. We’re confronted with those parts of ourselves that we’d kept hidden, for whatever reason we decided to hide them.
Its important to keep a gentle mind, when we first begin to explore ourselves, as therein lies parts of ourselves we may not like when we first meet them.
I remember having a really great class during my studies, where we got to meet these parts of ourselves, during meditation. Instead of jumping in with both feet, and claiming them all, only to feel massively confronted & scared, we instead created a character for each.
For example, I’d shut down from allowing myself to feel angry throughout my childhood. Anger is a neccassary emotion we all need to embody. For me, to jump head first, and feel anger after a lifetime of not, was far to hard, to confronting. So, the characteristics of my anger; wild, loud, red, uncontrolled, explosive, energetic, rgggggghhhh, began to form a character. I imagined a small girl, much like the one on Monsters Inc, and I gave her a name. Dotti.
Dotti became this character I could associate with, as I was developing my connection with anger.
Instead of ME being angry, which was uncomfortable, I could say Dotti feels angry, which is a lot more comfortable as a transition, a stepping stone.
You can go into creative exploration with this. Begin to draw your character, or write about him/her – put them into a story. What happens, is you create a relationship.
As time draws on, and your relationship deepens, your comfortability factor with your character increases. You no longer need to call them Dotti, or xyz… they eventually become one with you. You can begin to identify with the emotion. In my case, anger.
You begin to FEEL anger, as any other emotion that you can expect to feel being human. You begin to allow yourself permission to feel this emotion, you are opening up the channels of energy for this to ebb & flow like anything else in life. Emotions come and go like the tides of the ocean. If we allow ourselves to feel it, it will pass as quickly as it rose. If we do not. That energy remains trapped within our bodies & minds, and does not pass. It builds and builds creating blockages and stagnation, eventually dis-ease and potentially disease.
Writing about this technique just now, coupled with with my morning meditation, guides me to share, and explain, what style of coaching I practice;
There are SO many Coaches out in the world now. It’s wonderful to see, as there is also, equal, if not more, clients ready & available. A massive shift is taking place in the world right now. That said, the term Coach is also so loosely used, that anybody can call themselves one.
I studied a 2 year Part Time Diploma at Nature Care College, in Sydney, Australia. It took me 4 years to complete, because of the profound life changes I went through whilst going through it.
This course, is not your advice based method, head centered and head strong.
It is HEART & SPIRIT aligned, far from Ego.
It is far from what you think you want to work on. Transformational Coaching encompasses all parts of being – body, mind & soul. It is an opportunity for your soul to come through you & work with you, for your greater good in this world.
You may have an agenda, ie – Work, Relationship, Money, Study etc.. But when you choose to show up to Transformational Coaching, you are committing to 100% transformation, in that area you intend to work on, and your LIFE.
– What you think bout money, will change completely!
– What you think about attracting an ideal relationship into your world, will change beyond your current perception, and again, I’m not just talking mind here.
How you think, feel & believe will ALL change! To say it again – Body, Mind & Spirit – remember – we are not 1 dimensional. If you change a thought, that thought then needs to ripple through your entire being, in order to integrate that new concept before it can begin to attract xyz into your world.
“A MIND change is not change without transformation and integration baby”!
The tools are marvelous, and FUN! Life is FUN! It’s not about knuckling down and doing the hard stuff all the time. There is a dance, a surrender at play in life & during the coaching relationship.
I LOVE the methods that I have studied, learnt, and personally applied in my life. If I could shout them from the rooftops, I would, and I am through my blogging!
I am opening up 2 new FREE, rippling opportunities, within the next few weeks to work with me.
Here is your third and final installment to this small blog series.
Its now been about a week or so that you’ve been practicing your new mantra, and observing the changes in your thoughts and your breathing.
I bet your whole world is beginning to open up. You’re seeing new opportunities, feeling new experiences, witnessing synchronicity that you may have previously missed. I LOVE synchronicity!
A shift has occurred and there is new possibility available to you right now!
What a wonderful new space to be in!
Embrace this. It is time to give yourself a pat on the back for the work that you committed too.
As human beings, we’re to quick onto our next project, thought or shiny goal to chase.
Before you head off and start chasing that, I invite you to really embrace this new space that you have moved into.
Its time to celebrate!
Set aside some time for yourself. I’d recommend at least 30 minutes.
Close your eyes.
Tune into all the wonder that you are witness to within your body.
The feelings, experiences, new ideas.
Feel these sensations within your body.
Observe where you feel it & continue to focus your attention on this space within.
Without agenda, continue to watch what happens within your body.
Give yourself as much time as you need here, until your eyes naturally open & there is a sense of completeness.
Now, write or draw your observations of this reflective experience.
To extend this experience further, share this piece with a close friend, partner or loved one.
Give yourself permission to relish in your transformation.
To really seal this change & honor this transition, choose something that you love & book this event into your diary.
I personally love to receive massages, buy flowers for the home, take myself out for breakfast or lunch, buy a delicious nutritious food item for my smoothie or raw treats, or give myself an afternoon to play in nature.
Whatever you choose, make it something that continues to make your heart sing.
I am SO proud of you courageous one!
I would LOVE to hear about your experience and how you chose to celebrate your transformation in the comments.
It’s now been a few days that you’ve been practicing the mantra, Hello. I Hear You. I Love You, from Pt 1 of my blog here.
You will have noticed that after practicing it for a while, you’ve moved into a space where you are beginning to question the truth of these thoughts.
You might now be asking, “where did this belief come from? Do I really believe this about myself?”
Chances are you’re beginning to open up a dialogue with yourself around the worthiness of these thoughts – and that’s PERFECT!
You are moving into a place of choice.
You have established awareness around what thoughts you can choose to think.
You can choose to think negatively of yourself, OR you can now chose to CREATE a NEW belief that’s inspired and positive!
I am not enough, turns into I AM enough!
I am not good enough, turns into I AM good enough.
See what we’ve done there? Flipped it on its head!
It is in the place of awareness we can create change. AWARENESS = CHANGE = TRANSFORMATION
Now when you hear your old belief, practice inserting your new one.
For the next few days practice your mantra whenever you can.
I AM ENOUGH. I AM ENOUGH. I AM ENOUGH.
I use this example of enough-ness as, as I shared with you in Pt 1, this used to be my old belief system that I operated by.
My workouts were fueled by it, my Party nights were subconsciously fueled it. The Body Building Competition I competed in was absolutely fueled by it!
It takes dedication & practice to chose to change your thoughts, but you CAN DO IT!
Be gentle with yourself, and give yourself the space you need to notice how you feel around this belief shift. You are changing something on a cellular level, something that has been embedded within you for some time. Remember how I shared the connection of this old belief with your digestive system and the potential issues or imbalances you might experience? Well, remember this belief change will be shifting all the way down into your physical system.
What you may feel at first as you change your beliefs;
– It is normal to insert your new belief, and re-hear your old programming speak back. Continue repeating your new belief.
– You may notice your breath change as you allow the shift. Notice any sighing, even yawning – allow these – in fact – welcome these energy shifts.
– If you need to cry, CRY girlfriend, if you feel frustrated, allow it. If there’s anger, journal, express it! Allow whatever emotions are surfacing, to surface.
Tools you can use through this process;
– Continue repeating your new belief.
– Give yourself space to observe your emotions & changing breath. Have some quiet time at home, on your own, and if that’s not possible, head out into Nature, sit next to a tree, and feel it’s strong grounded energies support you to let go of the pain that you’ve been holding onto to.
– Write/Journal, get out in Nature, talk to a friend, move your body – Yoga/Tai Chi/Chi Gong/Walking…
It’s time to let go of the old, to welcome in the new.
Back when I was taking myself through this process, I used to cry my eyes out! I spent evenings laying on the floor in a mess, my diaries were filled with words that circled my mind, and my bedroom was a mass of artwork that was an expression of my inner changes.
Do whatever you need to, and remember, I am here if you need support. Drop me a message in the comments to let me know how you’re going.
Sending unconditional love & hugs to you dear one. xo
Are you aware of all the different thoughts babbling away in your head?
There’s one telling you to not eat that block of chocolate. There’s another one telling you you need to get out, exercise more. What about the one that makes you feel guilty whenever you choose something loving or nurturing for yourself. What are these thoughts there for?
Most of us carry about our lives with these background thoughts playing. We may, or may not choose to look at them and hear what they’re saying. Most of the time we don’t because, well, who really wants to listen to someone berating us for doing something that we want, or don’t want to do, ex – chocolate/exercise.
The internet is filled with motivational quotes – inspirational images of cute girls with hot bodies & fashionable vibrant exercise wear – and we’re told to simply ‘Just do it’. We are being stimulated from an Ego or Head level to reach our goals. Set your goals, follow them, acheive them = happiness!
But does it?
Once you have worked for that equal hot body like your instagram feed pics, your green smoothie recipe is on par with your lastest Vegan sista’s blog – have you really reached true happiness?
It is really easy to think we have, because we have joined the mass health movement and are following the trend of what is hip & cool.
I’ve been there & I know how good it can feel, and it does feel good. But how healthy is your mind. How healthy are your thoughts circling around that styled sexy mop of yours? How many times did you take your selfies before you felt confident enough to share it because it caught your best look?
We have made it to this era where it all looks great from here. We’re all aware of healthy eating. Eating locally raised/Organic produce, eating balanced Protein/Fat/Carb type meals – eating optimally for health & energy requirements, moving our bodies regularly, taking selfies or getting friends to take our photo while we pose our mastered Asana. Taking pics of nature & how we enjoy spending our non working time.
I LOVE it – it is beautiful to behold, and I am a part of this wave of health conscious individuals.
BUT – what I really want to know is, how is your EGO?
What is going on underneath your tanned complexion & motivational insta quote?
Are you keeping up with the trend because it is such? Or are these actions truely aligned with your inner self? There is no right or wrong answer here, but your answer could dictate the inner workings of your mind.
Back in my 20’s I was up with the best of them, churning through my daily workouts & eating clean & every 3-4 hours. My routine was near flawless. I was fit, lean, energetic & felt like I was in control.
My Ego on the other hand, was not. My routine was powered by subconscious thoughts circling around what I really thought of myself.
“you’re not good enough, you’re not pretty enough, you don’t have enough, you’re not lean enough, you’re not doing enough, you’re different to everyone else…”
These very beliefs created the gym junkie persona that I identified with. I thought that that ‘healthy gym goer was who I was!
It was only when I started to acknowledge these inner thoughts that my life started to slowly change. I didn’t know it at the time, but it wasn’t possible for me to maintain who I was showing up in the world as, and live by these old beliefs that were fueling that behavior. A new reality was being created. One that would see me feeling good inside AND out.
It may well be possible to live a life where you look good on the outside whilst juggling these self depreciating thoughts, but from memory – I didn’t enjoy it to much, and it is likely that there is polar opposite behaviour playing out because of these very same thoughts. It might show up in the form of weekend party girl/binge drinker, binge eater, bulemic, workaholic, promiscurity, substance addiction, additction to being busy, fear of being on your own + a world of other examples.
You may think that one balances the other.
You also likely want to create change in your life, but haven’t known how or where to start.
You are probably tired of this balance. Tired of the hangovers, the inner guilt trips, the disgestive problems and/or disorders…. You have IBS, Consitipation, Gluten Intolerant, Celiac, numerable food allergies… Ah ha – did I sense a light turn on?
So back to those thoughts of yours. What do you do?
Start by acknowledging them.
Each time you hear a self depreciating thought – acknowledge it by saying Hello, I Hear You. I Love You then let it go.
Hello. I Hear You. I Love You. Every time you hear anything negative said towards yourself from yourself. Hello. I Hear You. I Love You.
Practice this small significant action for the next few days…
Check out your next steps in this blog here – ( you’ll have to be patient – I’ll release it in a few days 😉 )
What it is, is different from one person to the next, as we are all individual souls here with a particular purpose.
I have been thinking about mine a lot with so much time on my hands at present. I recognize that the more time I have to myself, the greater I get to know myself. I’m not distracted by the external demands of being social, working at my job, a relationship (while Neil’s away), things that I would usually be busy-ing my time with.
I am learning how greatly sensitive I am, attuning to this tells me there is grand purpose in spending time with me.
After getting through the cold that I had last week, I found a routine to regularly meditate & clear energy each day. I connect with my heart & soul and ask it if it has a message to share with me. Some days I don’t get anything, but more often than not I get a message. Usually one simple word. Today it was Be. The other day it was Go. I have listened, and apparently our life is as simple as listening to our souls and taking action. Be. Be in each moment. So today, as I set about my day, my intention became to BE.
Currently not working, I can’t help but think about what will I do? What will be my income earner? I am SO conditioned to working, that I recognize I am in the discomfort of changing that belief or pattern. I know that I don’t want a job that is simply that, an income earner, and so in this beautiful period of not needing to work, I still can’t help but be curious – it’s the minds way – it wants to know the answers.
I am grateful and blessed to be able to finally watch and absorb the content from YouTube videos and Paul Cheks blogs that I just know I have a great purpose to follow. I resonate with the content I’m hearing & watching so greatly! My mind wants it NOW, it wants to feel the value of contribution of making a difference to the world, of being in action. But you know what, the balance of being in action, is inaction, not lazy, but rest. Yin & Yang. It is the nature of life. If I have great purpose, then its opposite is true too. Great rest. You know that old saying, the calm before the storm.
So what is purpose again? Is it action? Is it inaction? Or is it simply acting on your souls daily message to just BE.
It’s now been just over 3 weeks since I left Australia. I have well & truly landed in Canadia town…
My head has been an array of thoughts, creating confusion, I have been trying to figure it all out, but you know what I’ve learnt. I can’t. I can’t figure shit out. I just have to let it be, it is what it is.
And this is one of the reasons, I think I caught myself a cold. For 3 days now, I’ve been full up of a running nose, headaches, tickly throat, and today, add coughing into the mix.
This has been such a huge transition, I think I needed to get out of my own way and let it be.
What I have been processing is that all that I knew is now in the past. Any and all routines are gone, any friends I saw regularly, gone. The routine of work now complete. The co-workers, familiar faces, no more. The networks, the communities, hobbies I connected with, no more. Everything is in the past. The canvas is blank, awaiting my next brush stroke. What do I want that to be? Do I want it to look the same as before? Or am I ready for something different? To embrace the new that I’ve been growing into?
I’m just now back from a walk, isn’t walking great – I think it allows an opportunity for new insights to drop in, for things to get clear.. What occurred to me, I spent MONTHS preparing for my departure from OZ, and now that I’m here, all that energetic preparation needs to root itself right?! As if I can just keep on keeping on once I landed here in Canada. The momentum of my energy needed to change, no longer preparing to leave, changing to grounding and rooting a new foundation. Bali was just a break, a holiday from the preparing.
Landing into a new country, semi new relationship, the new energies of that relationship, moving in together/sharing a room/bed/home, new area, new climate, new culture… Any wonder I feel the way that I do.
One can’t think their way through a change like this…
While I’ve been dancing my way through the above, intertwined in there also, is the million dollar questions of “what am I doing to do with my life!?” I have followed my heart, and moved to another country, on the opposite side of the world, now what? The funny thing is, I don’t feel like doing anything. I don’t feel like joining the masses, into the work force. Into that false sense of security, joining society, pretending that I’m happy, that I want to live my life this way. In Bali, magical Bali, I really aligned to a new way of being. Of how disconnected we have become from the earth. Since when was it ok to rape the planet of food & resources and not give back to it? Since when was it ok to not understand the cycles of life & to carry out living as if what was really going on doesn’t matter.
My dear friend Simon, who is the Chef at Bali Silent Retreat – the retreat I stayed at for 2 weeks, is very passionate about using food that is grown local, that supports the locals and what is taken, is given back. Since my stay in Bali, I find myself now looking at the labels with even more scrutiny than I ever did. Looking at where each product has come from. Was it imported, or is it local. If it’s not local, I don’t want to know about it. Do you know what of your favorite foods have been imported??? It really puts things into a different perspective. To consider that foods journey to your side of the world. What labor went into it’s production, what fuel resources were used to get it to you. What the cost of this food is to you, vs the locals who have lived on it for centuries. Take this Quinoa seed story for example.
(This image is of Simons’ land in Bali at Bali Silent Retreat. It is rich & full of unique structures that support the growth and production of food, the land, the community. It maintains a cycle that will continue to support all, without one benefiting over the other. It is simply magic to behold.)
I now no longer want to be a part of the problem, I want to be a part of the solution, so I don’t see how I can continue to plug myself back into the system, the matrix if you will, and continue to pretend that I don’t know, to not take personal responsibility. Because to continue pretending that I don’t know is now no longer an option. I am a self responsible individual, I am here to make a difference, to be a part of the solution.
So once I’ve done landing my energy here in this beautiful Northern Hemisphere, and I feel ready to do what it is that I’m meant to be doing on this earth, I wonder where my spirit will guide me?
As this blog names suggests, I wanted to share a story about what saying YES to your goals + dreams really means, share the process and the fears that can potentially pop up when we step up to say YES to the life we want.
Here we go;
I had a great lesson recently. It is regarding abundance, manifestations & desires. I received the opportunity to fly to Canada for 1 week, with 1 weeks notice.
My initial reaction was = CRAZY!! But this is my life. Crazy and spontaneous is exactly the way I like it, so I’d asked for this!
Neil (a previous romance, who I wasn’t over, who pulled on my heart strings like crazy, who lived in Canada) said to me; “if you can find a return flight to Canada for 2K, I’ll fly you over for my 30th birthday!”
“Deal.” was my response.
I called my travel agent Lucy, at Flight Centre straight away, to tell her my story. Straight away she was online checking flights. She found one with China Air for $2100.
“Do you want me to book it?
“Um, let me check with Neil first”. I wanted to confirm he was really THAT serious, as his request was only via Viber.
“Ok, let me see if I can hold it for you. Yep, I can only hold it until tomorrow 5pm. Will you confirm with me tomorrow, if you want to go ahead? How exciting!” Lucy replied.
Neil had gone to bed on his side of the world, so I had to wait patiently until the next morning to call him.
Me to Neil. “Are you serious about me coming over, because I found a flight!”
“Yeah, what do you think, do you want too?”
So now that that’s clear, I need to arrange the details. Work, Flights etc…
I ring Jess (my Manager at work), to explain my story and request my leave, to leave in ONE WEEK. Keep in mind here, that at work we were very tightly staffed AND a colleague was already granted leave for 3 weeks during this time! What was my possibility going to be? “So um, you know how I’m going to Canada for my working holiday next year, well Neil, this guy I love, well, he wants to fly me over for his birthday, like next week, and, well, can I take time off work in like a weeks time?”
“Wow! Absolutely, we can make that happen. We’ll just look at the rosters and see what we can do!”
Ok cool, so the work thing is now sorted. Now to call Lucy and confirm my ticket. I thought I’d ask Lucy about changing the dates a little, because in my haste to search dates, I hadn’t really looked at my work schedule, I was more concerned with finding a 2K flight. She checked out some alternatives, but discovered that overnight, all flights had gone UP an extra $1500!! Not mine, because it had been held & secured. Talk about bloody luck!
I confirm with Lucy that this was going ahead and Neil is paying. After hanging up, I follow her email prompts to pay using his Credit Card. Because I was using his Canadian Credit Card, the Australian payment page was giving me a declined message. His card wouldn’t work in Australia. I call Lucy back, she suggested he could pay via BPAY. She gives me the codes, and I contact Neil and ask him to give this way a go.
On the phone with Lucy again, two further suggestions.
Over the phone & bank transfer.
As I am about to give Lucy Neils’ CC digits, I felt prompted to ask her; “I’m ok to travel aren’t I? My passport is valid until November this year, I’m still good right?”
“Noooooo” she replies. “You can’t travel with less than 6 months validity on your passport!”
“Whatdyamean, I can’t fly with less than 6 months validity, what’s the purpose of an expiration date on a passport, if you can’t fly up until it expires?”
“I’m not 100% sure why, but I know you can’t travel. Maybe call the embassy and double check. You can order an emergency passport”.
This is the point where I begin to ask myself;
– should I really be going
– why don’t I just wait until I go properly next year
– I’ll have more time to arrange my passport
– probably wasn’t meant to happen anyway
– I’m not paying for an emergency passport
– what a crazy idea – it was fun to think about & explore…
This is where my fear, rears its doubt & fearful reasoning…
This is the main crux of my story. That point, or threshold where we’re likely SO familiar.
The ego mind that is telling us that our dreams were just that. A dream. A nice idea and a fictional reality to indulge in.
Where we tell ourselves – ‘I could never do that – that’s crazy!’
That point of reasoning where we back down from that very thing that we want, when it’s almost within reach, when moving forward means stepping up into potential discomfort and GROWTH and OWNING what we want.
That’s right OWNING your dreams.
THE TURNING POINT
I call Neil, feeling a little defeated, like something has just died inside me. I explain to him about my passport & how I couldn’t travel. Here’s what he said.
“Just get a new one.”
Unattached to my story, my emotion, my thoughts. ‘Just get a new one!’
My story spills out of my mouth; “blah blah blah money, time, passport, how, money blah blah blah” (you get my jist, you heard it all above.)
“Don’t worry about it baby. I’ll pay for it. Call the travel agent, book the ticket, apply for a new passport, get your bum here, it’ll be fine.”
I hop off the phone, feeling like I’ve been pushed to my edges. My story has been blasted to smithereens and I’ve now got no excuse in the book, to stop me from going to Canada in 6 days time. 6 days! A passport in 6 days!
I call the embassy. They spell out the steps required to order an emergency passport in simple black & white. Simple. It’s actually really simple. Today is Wednesday. I calculate that I can head into the city Thursday afternoon to order my passport, pick it up Tuesday afternoon, then fly to Canada Wednesday. I’m not leaving the courier to chance. No way – I’m picking this puppy up myself!
PAYING FOR THE FLIGHT
It’s now 12:30pm, and I start work at 1pm. I have 30 mintues to drive to work & 4.5hrs to pay for my ticket. Should be easy.
I’m on the phone to Lucy again. This time we’re trying Neil’s Credit Card payment over the phone.
My ego speaks up again;
– maybe your not meant to be going
– if we pull out now, we’ll be safe, you won’t have to stress about an emergency passport. Shhhhhhh I tell it.
Lucy asks me if I can pay. Sadly that isn’t an option at the moment. I ask her about the bank transfer option she’d mentioned previously. Her Manager had removed pulled this off the table, saying the funds wouldn’t clear fast enough from Canada in time to pay for the ticket.
My options were out!
I’ve now left for work, driving, trying to figure out what I can do. Who can I borrow $2000 from? Who asks people for this kind of money?? How bad do I want to go to Canada for my dears birthday? I wanna go. Bad!
A name appears in my minds eye. Jules.
Jules: noun Your nearest and dearest bestie. Your nearest and dearest bestie who has just had a baby. Your nearest and dearest bestie who has just had a baby and has a 3 year old toddler. Your nearest and dearest bestie who has just had a baby, has a 3 year told toddler, and has just purchased her first family home with her partner.
Could I really be so cheeky to ask her to borrow this money? But it’s just until funds clear from Canada. But I still have to ask the question. It’s NEVER comfortable asking anybody for money. Coffee money. Lunch money. Let alone a $2000 ticket to Canada!
I have Eddie Murphys impression of Bill Cosby playing in my head. “Neeeed the money, to buy the ticKET! Get the money, to get the ticKET!” I call Jules, and I tell her my story, I ask if she can lend me the money to buy the ticKET. (without the Bill Cosby impersonation). I can tell that she wants to help me, but know it’s a loaded question. This is confirmed because she needs to speak to her partner, to get the all clear.
10 MINUTES PASS
I’ve arrived at my destination, and I’m walking from my car into work. Jules has called back. She’s spoken with her partner, and they’ve agreed they will help me, but need to know that the money is going to make it’s way straight back to them.
I feel my Solar Plexus.
I get this.
It’s a lot of money to request, give, and trust for anyone. Let alone a new family with 2 kids and a brand new mortgage.
I’m at work now.
I ask Jules if she would kindly call Lucy for me. Not having explained to Lucy what has actually happened in the past 30 minutes.
5 minutes later a text comes through from Jules.
YOU’RE GOING TO CANADA!!
The rest of the story falls into place from here. I got my passport easy. I got my shifts covered easy. Everybody at work said YES to covering me. Another dear friend even volunteered to swap her shifts at work so she could drive me to the airport! Easy. Everything was EASY! I said YES.
The universe said YES.
In summary, the point of my story sharing, is to illustrate that crucial crux point. That sticky threshold between choosing to stay where we are, or choosing to step up into something new.
Do you really want your dreams and desires in life, stepping up to the call and taking action?
Do you just keep doing what you’ve always done, continuing to achieve the same outcome?
I’ve shared this story with a few friends, and their response has been one of awe & inspiration! I hope by sharing it here with you, it will inspire you to notice your sticky points, step up to OWN your dreams and desires also.
They are your god-given (or spirit, universe, soul….) birthright. They are available to you right NOW!