Canada vs Australia vs Bali and The Universal Plan

Summer is slowly on her way out, and Fall is beginning to make his way onto the scene.

It is almost without warning that the long hot days have disappeared, being replaced with continual rain & drizzle.

I feel ripped off!

All the Victorian Canadians are talking about what an awesome Summer it has been, and that we’ve been really lucky.

I don’t share their perspective.

I am grateful, don’t get me wrong.  But I have been spoilt.  Spoilt with the long HOT Summers that Sydney Australia knows too well, and I know full well the anticipation they are feeling right now as they enter their Spring – such enthusiasm to be shedding the brief warm layers they’ve worn over their short cool spell.

Can you tell I miss Australia?

I miss the land down under with its Meat Pies, Vegemite Sandwiches, continual hot hot Summers and warm crystal oceans.  Warm Oceans – now there’s a foreign concept to this side of the planet.  I was never a water baby, but now that that privilege has been removed from me this Summer, I suddenly want to be!

Memories and visions of Australia have been dancing through my minds eye this last week. Rising alongside of the grief I mentioned in my last blog post here.  I can’t tell what this all means.  Part of me thinks I am grieving, letting go of the attachment I have to such a rich sun drenched land.  The other part wonders if this is a sign that I should return?

I know that I am undertaking a new beginning in my life right now.  I know that I am ready to make a home and prepare for work that I need to do in the world.  But right now, the only home that I know is the one within.  The one that I have been fighting to come back to, stronger and stronger everyday, since I embarked on my inner journey in 2005.  Some 10 years ago.

This isn’t a bad thing, don’t get me wrong.  In fact its a fantastic thing!  To know that within you is your home, what can really compare to that?  To feel comfortable in your own skin, wherever you go.  Much like a snail with its house on its back, so are we, with our homes in our hearts.  It seems the further and further we are from ourselves, the more we accumulate in our environments, and the closer and more connected we are to our hearts, the less we need in our environments.

Imagine if we all came from our hearts – how different the world would be.  Not just from a materialistic viewpoint, but literally living from our hearts – being guided by that which knows our path, each and every moment, of every day.

See this is the thing.  My content.  My story that I am sharing to you, really doesn’t matter.  Its simply that, a story. One that my head, my ego has created to entertain my mind, to give it something to do, because if it doesn’t have something to do, then what is there?  Space.  Big ole SPACE.  Space for the Universe to drop right on in with greater insights and meaning than the mind can fathom.

I love reminding myself of this truth.  As it reminds me that there is something far bigger than what we think we are doing.  It reminds me that I am supported beyond measure, that there is a grand plan for me, and if I can just step out of the way, I will be shown this plan, step by step.

I have these words within my meditation shrine;

“What you can plan is to small for you to live”

It reminds me there are far greater things that I am destined for, things that I cannot even fathom!  Which is so freaken exciting!

And so my story, the one that I began writing previously to these words, reads;
“I feel split between being in Canada where my cute boy is, setting up our home & creating a family & life.  Returning to Sydney where I know the sand is warm, golden & the blue skies go on for days.  Travelling to Bali to embark on a type of quest, jump off the metaphorical cliff, and begin to make tracks in the direction of the horizon.  All are beautiful options, and all intrigue and excite me.  Is it possible to have my cake and eat it too?  I am discovering that this is true and absolutely possible, however right now, I feel this split.”

This is my story.  The story my head is filling itself with.  The distraction from the space within that is ready, receptive to its next command from the grand Universe.  I love words.  I love stories.  They are interesting.  They are life.  But when there is work to do, a purpose, the command becomes a greater excitement, fulfillment than the stories we create, share and elaborate on.

Manly Beach

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In case you were wondering what answer landed in the space…

BALI!  Here I come…

How to Drive Your Human Vehicle…

What does my soul wish to share today?

On matters of the heart & love.

Love & Expansion are all that exist in the realm of the soul, there is not much more.  So as humans to be connected too & aware of these, is the gateway for greater joy in ones life!

As humans we spend to much time worrying about matters of the head, and wondering where are we going, what are we doing, how are we going to do this, that or the other, but the heart knows everything that he needs to know to take us to all these life experiences and questions that our head asks.

The head & the heart might seem separate, but they share their own unique partnership.  One could not operate without the other, without each other, neither would have the experiences that they wish for.  And so, they need to communicate with each other to create.

Your life is a creation of your soul.  Born through your head & your heart.  It is imprinted onto your soul for this lifetime.  You could say that the blueprint is within your soul.  So if we know this, then surrender to our hearts leading us, knowing that they guide us constantly, there really can be nothing, NO-THING to fear.

It is when we allow our conditioned Ego, its wayward adventures of untruth, that we loose the key to drive our human vessel.  The human mind is key, much like the key to your car.  It starts the ignition & gets the engine running.  Our minds are the key to get our hearts running, our body is the vehicle, like the body of your cars vehicle.

So if a healthy mind is where it all begins, how do we surrender to this, to be driven through this wondrous life?

Meditation.

Your mind is like a computer hard drive that you have had since birth.  Storing all thoughts, ideas, beliefs, memories, concepts, anything that you’ve seen, heard and thought of.  You have complete access to everything within it! However your mind will continue to use this past information for the present and your future life, attempting to paint your reality, your life, with what it already knows.

But how could it already know what is to come?  It cannot possibly know what the soul has written.

And so, meditation is the way to clear these previously ingrained ideas, concepts, beliefs and thoughts.  Think of it as your daily garbage collection.  Taking out what is not needed each day.  Creating space in your coconut for new ideas to flow forth from the great old Universe!  You are in co-creation with your heart and the Universe in each and every moment.  You mind just needs to be receptive to receive these ideas.

So when we are ready to be open to receive, we will be ready to move forth in divine flow with the creator and all there is, to create a life far beyond what our minds can conceive.  We each have our own paths to curve and create through this tapestry of life.  They are joyous & fulfilling, beyond our wildest dreams and available to us right now, In this moment, the next moment, and each and every moment for the rest of our days.

It is the dance of being human, a human experience unlike any other.  This is why you choose to come here, to experience aspects of yourself that you couldn’t in your light form.

To weave the web of life and play in the mystery of creation.

Surrendering the pain of being human…

Wanderlust Whistler 2015

This weekend occurring, has been a culmination of a process of letting go and letting god for me.

Its tough to articulate the specifics of energy movement as it is in transit, but I feel as though I am surrendering stuff that is YEARS old.

I really love what one of the facilitators said yesterday about giving ourselves permission to feel good as well as experience the pain we might feel.  I know for myself, I’m great at acknowledging when things feel tough, but perhaps haven’t been so great at acknowledging when things feel amazing.

As I was driving off the ferry onto the Mainland on Friday, I noticed a build up of energy in my being which translated as burping and a general oddness in my body.  When I surrendered to it and gave myself permission to let it pass, what transcended was total bliss & joy at being in the moment of the adventure I had embarked on.  I cried in joy at the appreciation of myself for taking that step into the void, into the unknown.

This weekend has been just that.  I have felt so extremely proud of myself for being this little fish in the ocean, for stepping out into unknown, for travelling to Whistler, Canada on my own.  I have been greeted by like minded souls & embrace in love and the magic of how life is.  Being here, I see how I have been in some sort of bubble of discomfort.  Self created.

This morning I was drawn to a Kundalini Yoga class.  This is a practice I guess I choose to do sporadically as I know and feel only to well how it has the powerful ability to stir my energy, and as an extension – my life up.  I always trust that I am guided to what I need in each moment, and this moment was no different.

We were guided through a series of breathing and movement exercises to arrive at one of surrendering all of our worries, fears and cares to the divine.  I could feel stuff building to release, but little did I know what I was paving the way for.

By the end of our surrendering exercise, my tears and snot were flowing everywhere.  I was crying for everyone and everything.  I was crying for the pain of being human.  Right now I feel I am still in this, and am feeling a little tender, and so have retreated to our home space for some quiet R & R.

So I sit here right now, in gentle reflection of what I am rebirthing and remembering.

Till next time…

Me Vancouver Ferry Wanderlust

How My Personal Growth is changing my Relationship

For the last week or so, I feel like I have been undergoing one of the most challenging times of my life.

Everything has been up for review.

Where I live
My Relationship with Neil
My J.O.B at lululemon
The Condo I live in
My light & purpose in the world/my calling

That’s a lot of balls to have up in the air in one go.

It’s only been the past two days that life seems to feel a lot better.  I seem to have a renewed sense of presence. Childlike I would describe.  Where I wake, and a day is a day, an opportunity to explore and adventure and see what magic shows up.

Prior to that there was a crumbling.  A crumbling of an idea of what I thought my life might look like.  Ideas around what my mind had conceived my life might look like.  My life with Neil.  Settle down, buy a house, renovate it, have kids, live on the opposite side of the world from my family & loved ones.  It wasn’t one I felt completely enthralled about, as it didn’t have my souls calling embedded within it.

And so, with the past few days and everything up in the air, it has all been in review.  Neil has asked me; “well what do you want for your life”?  (An external question, to match the internal one I continue to ask myself).  The only answer I can conjure is “To be happy, to feel good!”  Well that’s a given he might say, what ‘things’ do you want?  ie – kids etc…  I simply do not know?  I cannot answer that!?  I am neither against or for?  I believe if a soul chooses me to be its Mother then I will feel it and will know that I am to be a Mum.
(I read a story on this some years ago – and decided that this is what I wanted for myself.)
The soul will choose me.

And so right now, one of the situations in front of me, is whether the Heidi & Neil story will continue?

I feel like I am rising at the speed of light, into the light.  Getting brighter and brighter day by day, and in my light, it is inviting Neil into his.  Right now he is resisting.  He is frustrated and angry.  There is nothing I can do about who he is choosing to be right now, and what it is that he is dealing with.  I can only continue on my path of light and being responsible for feeling good.  Feeling GOD.

Today I have been called to write him a letter.  It feels like a letter written by my soul, and likely a little of my ego, and right now I am debating whether I give it to him.  How will it land, will it make him more angry, will it cause us to break-up?  Again I am not responsible for how it lands for him, or for what he chooses to feel.

I write this here as “GOD knows!” –  *throws hands in the air*
I’m sure at this time of light, there are more than a few of us experiencing a very similar experience.  I have been very fortunate to share space with someone this morning and talk about this, as they are experiencing the same.

Relationships aren’t all rainbows and unicorns.  They take courage and personal responsibility.  Conscious ones anyway.  Co-Dependent Relationships are another conversation.

If you are experiencing a similar situation, I would love to hear how you are handling it.  What are you choosing for yourself right now?

In love – always xx

The calling of my soul…

I’ve heard this term a bit over my years, it was always one of those coaching descriptions that I understood intellectually, but didn’t yet have an experience of.

It’s a bit like your Mum/Dad/Grandparents, telling you, you just know when you’ve met that person you want to marry.

There’s a deep inner resonance with your soul.

A souls calling…  It communicating with you, calling you to take action around something deeply meaningful & transformative.

I feel like mine is yelling at me right now.

There is a restlessness within me, that feels like it won’t relax until I do the very thing it is calling me to do.

I’m pretty excited about it, I feel like I’ve been dancing between worlds of action & inaction for the last number of months.  I’ve learnt that there isn’t one clear straight road from point A to point B.  Sometimes, manytimes, one needs to take stock, smell the flowers, spend time with the flowers, get to know the purpose of these flowers before the journey continues.

I’m proud to say that I have been pretty compassionate towards myself during this time.  I am no longer the freight train that I used to be in getting tasks done.  Sometimes it can frustrate me that I don’t see results when I want to see them.  But then, as I’ve now learnt that I am connected to a bigger force at play, the end result is going to always be larger than I could’ve ever anticipated!

For a while now, I have had a goal, a dream, an idea that I will write a book.  I’ve seen it as being some sort of memoir about healing from sexual abuse, awakening to oneself into a life that is foreign and scary, and taking baby steps each day to integrate newness and wonder.

I figure that I can’t be the only woman or perhaps man out in the world, that has had to experience this sad reality. And that is the thing.  This story isn’t a sad one anymore.  It is an experience that has molded and shaped me into the very woman I am today.  Who knows who I would’ve been had I not of chosen this life to incarnate into.  We choose our life’s and experiences so that we can walk the path that we came here to.  When we are here, it’s a funny thing to reflect back on our human experiences and be so connected to them, as again, we are apart of a bigger magic.

This idea of my book has and is shaping each month that passes.  As I continue to focus on it, it continues to get clearer and clearer, I get more excited about its impending arrival.

Each time I sit down to write, there are a multiple billion word options available to me to use, it is curious which ones will choose my page.

My calling is getting stronger.  I am planning an escape into the forest, to be surrounded only by the trees, nature and water.  I am creating a space to invite the words to spill forth and create this book.  It is an exciting time.  I can feel that there is more available to me than I can conceive of.  And I feel ever more curious to read this book as I am to write it.

Spirit has a message to share through me, and I can’t wait to be its messenger.

 

 

What if I’m me? No one will like me…

My reflections this morning on my self created belief that if I’m being me, no one will like me…

What is my life purpose?

Today I answered a bunch of questions for a fellow Amazing Life + Biz Academy Member, for the opportunity to be featured on her blog as part of her Soul-Full Sunday Interviews.  I have just read one of Carries’ blog posts, and it appears we are both Sexual Abuse thrivers.    I use the description thrive, as Survivor does not feel like a fit for me anymore.

I feel that I now THRIVE, that my story is simply that, something that shaped me into the amazing woman I have become in the world today.  I no longer resonate with that story, however I still wish to share parts of it, as I wish to show other women that there is a way forward from the darkness of your secret.

I share these answers with you, as I shared them with Carrie, as there is a message to be heard.  A message of inspiration.  Showing another way for women who have experienced the pain that abuse can cause.

It is time to rise up into the being that you are here to be in this world.  It is time.

 

How are you following your life path (dharma)?
In each moment I am aware of who I’m choosing to be in the world. I try to make sure that I am present with each & every person I come into contact with. I take personal responsibility for my body & being and trust by doing so, that I teach others that it is possible for them also.
I recently started working at lululemon athletica here in Canada. I love that the girls I’m working with thought that I was 26! I’m actually 36 and ½! I feel like that’s a pretty awesome testament to me!

Have you always had this calling? If not, was it a sudden/gradual shift?
I believe I have. I fit into that known story of not fitting in at school. My story begun with learning I didn’t have a Dad at the age of 5, then at the age of 8 – was sexually abused by my Mums boyfriend. I took on the beliefs that I wasn’t good enough to have a Dad & in the second example – shut down my emotions as I didn’t know how to deal with the situation.

It’s only in hindsight I see that I spent my teens & early 20’s ‘running’ from myself. I left my home country of New Zealand at the age of 20, from here life was hard and fast. I partied hard, engaged in recreational drugs, exercised like a mad woman & was determined my body defined how I felt about myself.
I entered a body building competition in 2006 – I spent 1 year working towards that goal. After competition & a Vision Quest I completed as part of my Life Coaching studies, my world fell apart.
This intention of my quest was ‘to shine’, I went through a very dark knight of the soul with depression for 2.5 years. This forced me to acknowledge the pain that I’d kept hidden from my childhood that I had been running from.
As I pulled through – I learnt that there was so much wonder & beauty in the world. I knew I had a purpose in this life that involved inspiring others to heal from their pain.

What did you have to give up by honoring your path?
I’ve let go of a lot!
Fear, Doubt, Worry, Anxiety, Pain, Lack…
I’d say in aligning to something greater that feels good, I’ve chosen to let go of the things that haven’t supported me feeling good.
This might look like; big nights out, binge drinking, recreational drugs, gossip, TV, reading Newspapers/Magazines, eating processed foods, sugar, non organic meat, obsessive exercise habits…
The physical things I mentioned just fell away as I changed. It wasn’t about letting go of them because I thought I needed to. It’s was about aligning to something greater, about making the CHOICE to FEEL good. To feel GREAT.

What have you learned/gained by remembering your true nature (honoring your path)?
That I am unlimited… I have everything that I could ever need, in this moment & every moment. All I need to do is align to the vibration of what I want, and I will attract what I need, or the steps to move closer towards attracting what I need.

That it is an absolute CHOICE to feel good. It doesn’t just happen, it is something that you need to work at. Chose to eat healthy nutritional food, chose healthy movement habits, choice healthy work & social environments, chose healthy thoughts…

What is one thing you do every week to honor your innermost authentic Self (connection to Source)?
I do a lot of things. I LOVE nature…. I will take time out and visit the local woods and breathe, probably even hug & talk to the trees there.
I will watch the insects and birds & notice how they might invite me in & let each other know that I’m there.

I meditate daily. I give thanks to Great Spirit and acknowledge its existence.

What is one treat you can share with us to bring along on our own path towards freedom?
Oh SO many…. But one.
Um, I would invite you to observe your mind.
Watch your thoughts.
Sit in quiet contemplation, or meditation and observe.
Or, if you don’t feel ready (yet), to start. Journal.
Write. Write. Write.
Write unedited on a blank sheet of paper. Just allow anything that enters your mind to be expressed onto that sheet. Give yourself 20 minutes of pure uninterrupted time to express your minds thoughts.

What is my life purpose?

Oh life you interesting monkey…

Oh life, you are an interesting monkey at times…

Today I share my Vlog about what space I’ve been in, and why it is a necessary part of growth & development…

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

With love, always <3

Mediocre to Great – Great to Amazing, Amazing to Unbelievable, Unbelievable to ….

I wrote this blog this morning on my work ‘intranet’ blog, but felt it pertinent for anyone who runs their own business, or in a Customer Service type role…

 

I started writing out my Vision yet again, and I always love how it is a ever evolving thing, never still or stationary – much like ourselves.

This time, I thought about what I wanted, but I found myself asking – why?

Why do I wish for these things for myself?  What is the purpose of an individual goal/vision.  Yes, it is relevant absolutely, as it is my life, a life, one life I am driving.  Although it is definitely not separate to anything else in this world.  So what is the purpose of fulfilling my goal or vision if nothing else surrounding me advances in its process?

There is a greater purpose at play, not just my speck of dust purpose in the pool of this varst ocean of people.

When I ‘achieve’ my vision so to speak, what does that mean for the rest of the world?

Are they still sitting on their butts thinking about the goals they wished they had of achieved?  I hope not.

I wish for more go-getters in this life, imagine if the people that surrounded you and further, were as much of a go-getter as you are?  What if the people around you cared equally, if not more for the planet that we live on?  What would that mean to your life and the life of others?  Something even more beautiful beyond comprehension right?

So what if our goals were about others?  Not to cancel out our own, as I’m sure if you’re reading this, you are a progressed enough soul to acknowledge how many years you have been plugging away at your purpose and goals, no you are well aware of your wants, desires, challenges etc… and you’ve got them down.

This extends beyond that, this goes beyond personal responsibility.  This moves into the next step, of responsibility for others.  Not to take on theirs, but to teach them responsibility for self.

Much like the journey of Educator to Key Leader, from Key Leader to ASM and so on…

How we do one thing in life, we do everything. 

Because you are an employee of xyz or self employed business owner, what does that mean in your life, your personal world?  Who are you being outside of this role?  Do you treat strangers the same way you would treat your work customers?  Do you aim to inspire Greatness to the person serving your daily coffee or breakfast?

How do you inspire those around you, beyond the store, into being someone greater than they know themselves to be?

What kind of world do you want to live in?  What will it look like around you when you’re reached your 10 year Vision?

The mystery of evolution 

During this time, as Mercury goes Retrograde for the next three weeks, I find myself deeply reflective of the past number of weeks. I can’t say how many.

If I’m really honest with myself – they have been somewhat challenging. The context seems irrelevant.

As if I attach to the context, that could be the very thing supporting me to feel challenged. Whereas if I surrender, I float in a bubble of purity & openness.

An old friend wrote to me this week, and what she wrote really landed.

“Yes I understand what you mean regarding the situation with your business. I wonder if it is a reset in some way due to the re-emergence of the feminine, inviting us as women to sit, to hold and allow creativity to emerge…….. rather than being born of action and goal setting……so masculine, so controling, where is the trust in that?”

These were her exact written words.

Wow!

It’s SO profoundly true!

As women – we are still so masculine. Seeking to provide for our families, go to work, run a business, set goals, change the world. I don’t think there is anything wrong with this. But my friends words have me pondering.

Perhaps this paradigm shift is still VERY different from the ideas and that we/I are still driving.

Perhaps this reflective time for me is about completely rewriting my concept of life. Another opportunity to blow ideas from my mind, paving way for new inspired ways.

It’s not an easy ride I tell you.

To surrender it all takes courage. And damn right I am one helava courageous soul.

I release what I think I know, to arrive into the vast expanse of the unknown.

From here, well… That is a mystery.