6 Signs You’re Experiencing the Awakening Process

You may have read the term ‘awakening’ being thrown around on Social Media at the moment.  I know I’ve been using it a little.  The world is shifting and people are awakening to their divine life purpose.  One that has more meaning than that of simply following the norm of which we have been conditioned to.

To help explain a little, and what may potentially be being experienced, here are 6 signs of the early awakening process to help support your awareness and remind you you aren’t alone.

I know when I experienced these, I felt like I was the only person on Earth and didn’t understand what was happening.  Please know you’re not alone as many have gone before you, and are right alongside of you right now.

6 Signs You’re Experiencing the Awakening Process

  • ONE

    Life is presenting you with some challenging situations, beyond your control.
    Maybe you’ve lost your job?
    A large financial challenge occurs.
    You move homes, or locations.
    You’re going through a divorce or separation with a loved one.
    Someone dear to you passes on.
    A desired outcome was not fulfilled.

  • TWO

    You experience a spectrum of emotions for unknown reasons. There’s no understandable reason WHY you feel this way.  But you do.  You feel like reclusing.

  • THREE

    Going out tonight, you didn’t really feel like going.  But you go because you feel a sense of obligation.  It’s what you ‘should’ do.  The small talk at the outing feels really really hard. You long to simply be at home, or be able to talk about what is really going on in your life, but you fear being judged and feeling like ‘that person’.  That person who is struggling with life and doesn’t have it all together.  Because of course we should, right?  (tongue in cheek)

  • FOUR

    Watching the News, or reading Newspapers is no longer enjoyable. You don’t like the fear mongering in these stores, they make you feel bad.  You prefer to scroll Social Media, watch YouTube Videos and choose to inform yourself on what ‘the people’ are sharing.  There are great things happening in the world too!

  • FIVE

    You’re feeling like your current circle of friends don’t understand you and what is happening.  You struggle to talk to them and feel really uncomfortable when you try.  When you do, they console you with things like:
    – this too shall pass
    – you’ll be right, you’ll get through this
    – everyone goes through something
    – such and such had xyz happen – you should feel lucky
    It’s not their fault, but you feel no better, maybe worse and more alone from not feeling heard.

  • SIX

    Suddenly, being in large populated areas like shopping malls, supermarkets now aggravates you. The bright lights, artificial food & packaging, screaming children, intense energy, the sense of urgency from over worked faces around you.  Not to mention the stress of getting in and out of the car park!

 

6 Signs You're Experiencing the Awakening Process
The Awakening Process to Freedom

 

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How do I heal my Inner Child?

There hasn’t been much inspiration for blogging recently, I’ve been knee deep in emotional healing, loving my Inner Child, much to the disappointment of my inner ‘get things done’ self.  Apparently now is a time of deep inner healing, as reflected to me by my healer friend.

There’s been resistance with the acceptance of this, I mean, I am in the perfect place to be healing, but seriously, how long does one have to heal for – can I get on with the show already? Am I right?

It feels as though this year has been relentless in the pursuit of healing. The whole of 2016! In numerology this year is a 9 year, a year of endings. 2+0+1+6=9. Representing the ending of a 8/9 year cycle, and I tell you what, these numbers aren’t lying.  This last year feels like it has been dying a slow death, like the transition of seasons from fall to winter – but longer.

After spending 8.5 months in a Silent Retreat, 2.5 in Ubud – I feel like physically, I have not achieved one thing. Sure, there may be a few blog posts to show, pages and pages of scribbled journaling’s – most of which are ash by now.  I have 2 suitcases filled with my belongings & have accumulated one beautiful gifted wooden Ganesha representative of destroying my obstacles.  Sounds like a pretty clean simple year no?

Internally it looks like the Sahara desert, intuitively I feel endless rolling hills of cleared debris & destruction.  You can’t see my inner landscape, I can’t prove to you how much inner work I’ve done. We cannot sit and compare notes and graphs about who’s inner work is going to have the biggest return on investment, because this shit can’t be seen. When times like this in life present, (and yes I say times like this, as this isn’t the first time I’ve experienced this), it is so easy to forget that life exists outside of the inner destruction that has occurred.

I forget that there IS a life of dreams and desires, of the world’s greatest riches. I forget that there are manifestations of unknown awaiting my rebirth into the world. I forget that there is a sea of possibility just begging me to grab a hold of it with both hands. I forget that I am a valued being on this planet and another voice for Mother Earth. I forget. I am lost in my inner Star Wars Movie – the battle of the dark side against the light.

how do I heal my Inner Child?

This recent battle is just about over. One that has invited my inner teenager with all her wounds, aches and pains. I was gifted a beautiful encounter with a gorgeous Balinese Man who’s smile was enough to make my heart melt, and it pretty much did. It has been about one full year since anyone had looked at me, so to feel my butterflies dance in my tummy was a strange, but exciting feeling – I decided to explore it. Why not?

Edges were met & my fears emerged, I didn’t know whether to let the whole thing go and continue to protect my precious heart, or to open and expand despite these fears. A trip back to the Silent Retreat and a deep dig towards some inner courage saw me return to Ubud lighter and ready to explore.

My heart was opened again and I felt as vulnerable as a fresh teenager rich with new hormones. She was out in full force. The beauty of this relationship was a test of this vulnerable part of myself – would she seek fulfillment in another, or would I (adult Heidi) rise to the challenge and be there to catch her – to meet her needs.

Heart open, arms wide, I was there to catch her, there could be no other way, because he was not available, nor is it his job. His heart closed, encased behind walls of hurt & pain. She kicked & screamed and yelled at me for love, so show up for her did. Time spent laying on my bed, holding my heart, tears streaming, journaling & meditation to hold her tightly was all I could do from going crazy thinking about him.

An external force brought into my world to make me show up stronger than I ever have for myself.  It’s been a good month of parenting myself, it has been wild & relentless. I am SO thankful to see who I am and understand how to care for me, to not throw myself at another in the vain ‘hope’ that he will give me what I needed to give myself.

The relationship has come to a close, and I am feeling a little more settled within my heart, aware of new lessons on the cusp. Trust & Intimacy… This inner work, really is akin to work – seriously! If there was a way to be paid for it, I would be onto the winning ticket.

Our relationships really are nothing but mirrors for us. Showing up to teach us the deepest parts of ourselves we have not yet met. It takes courage to engage in conscious relationships – that shit ain’t easy.

“the road can teach you how to love and let go,
it can be lonely, but it’s the only thing, that we’ve ever known…”

Wash It Away
Nahko Bear

> If you’re needing support in gaining clarity around your Inner Child within relationships, contact me at me@heidifirth.com or Be Your Own Guru – Worldwide on Facebook.

He made HOW much from doing WHAT?

He made how much from doing what?  Where am I going with this?  I want to briefly share with you an opportunity that I’ve stumbled upon recently.

Up until then, I had been questioning, walking blindly, intention setting, asking for clarity about how do I create a successful online business.  Success for me equaling spreading my message to the world AND creating a passive income that supports me in doing so.

It’s one thing to have a passion & live by it, but it’s another thing to expect it to make money for you out in the world.  Elizabeth Gilbert, writer of Big Magic says it’s the number one thing that will stifle one’s creativity – expecting something of it.

And so with this awareness I felt lost.  I didn’t know how I was going to sustain myself.  Live in Bali (for now), Coach people through their challenges, make a positive impact on the Earth AND make money.

Problem I’ve had is, I’ve never been focused on money.  I’ve been focused on my WHY in the world.  Why it is I do what I do.  What change I wish to see for the collective.

So when I was introduced to Nate of www.worldnate.com on Instagram, a 23 year old kiwi plumber, travelling the world Full-Time I thought, hang on, what’s going on here?  If this guy can live a life independent of location, then why the heck can’t I?  I’m pretty smart too!  I have big visions & dreams, not that travelling the world full time is a bad thing, but there are people to help, causes to support.

I clicked the link in Instagram Bio and was instantly taken to an email capture page, followed by and introductory video.

That video sparked something in me I had lost connection with.  Possibility!  It IS possible for me to make money online!

Although it didn’t look the way I’d expected it to.  Nothing ever does right?  You get what you need, not what you want.

But it was the solution to my questions.

It confronted everything I had created around making an income online.

I saw my beliefs flashing before my eyes.

“I have to create this on my own.”
“It’s going to be hard.”
“It’s going to take time.”
“I’m going to be glued to my laptop full-time.”
“It’s going to take me away from what I really want to be doing.”
“It’s going to be lonely.”
Plus many many more… you get the idea.

When I was face to face with solution it smashed the above beliefs out of my head.  Guess what?  I got sick.  I was laid out for 2 days fevering off the old debris that were my old outdated beliefs above.  I knew change & a shift were immanent.

You see – my WHY in the world is to inspire people to align with their inner Guru, therefore creating conscious choices that support the EARTH.  As much as I can reach one person at a time, I need to reach MORE.  The internet is the perfect platform to do so.

Whilst I’ve been mentioning money, what this opportunity is providing, is Online Business Systems that will support to make Be Your Own Guru an actual business.  A profitable business.  Again a very new concept for me. Make money doing something I love?  You’ve got to be daft!

That said, the stories and results are best told by the Creator & Founder – Michael Force.

This opportunity is one that cannot be missed if you are wanting to create an online business that will enable Freedom in your life.

For me, this is the missing piece of my puzzle.  It is the bones that I will build upon to live my dreams.

Over the next few weeks I will be implementing what I am learning into my business, so you’ll be able to see what I’m up to.

I continue to be the same soul centered, value driven individual – driven by the soul desire to live in alignment with Mother Earth, this, is going to support us in doing so.

Below, I share with you an email I received from Michael Force 2 days ago.  If it moves, touches & inspires something within you, please click this link & see what I saw.  If you have questions – you know where I am.

“Hey Heidi,
This week has been an incredible week for us.
Our members are just crushing it.
New members are joining at a record pace.  
It’s only been a few short months since we “soft launched” and we’re already growing into one of the biggest companies online.
For “outsiders,” they see the rapid growth and think that it’s some sort of “trick” or “secret” that we’ve discovered.
That if they can just do that ONE thing… they’ll grow too.
I hate to tell you this, but it’s not just one single thing.
It’s a series of pre-planned steps that have been repeated consistently.

He made how much from doing what

And that is the BIG secret: consistency.
You see, most people are comfortable where they are at.
Most people have a “comfortable” job that allows them to drive a “comfortable” car and live in a “comfortable” house.
Yet all that comfort doesn’t move them forward.
Ask anyone in that situation how much money they have saved up and the answer is nearly always “ZERO.”
As human beings, we’re genetically hardwired to seek out comfort and routine.  
It’s safe, it’s predictable and it conserves precious energy.
Nearly everyone I know, when they do finally try to change, they try to change all at once rather than be strategic about it.
Say they sleep in until 10 AM and eat junk food every day.
One day, they decide they’ve had enough.
So the next day they get up at 6 AM, go to the gym, throw out all the junk food and eat only salad.
By the third day they break down, sleep in, binge eat and feel like a total loser with no self control.
It was too much too fast and they didn’t plan.

When it comes to making changes to your life…
Especially when you go from “employee” to the freedom of being self-employed…
You have to be strategic and you have to be consistent.

Josh and Jason are two amazing stories.

He made how much from doing what

He made how much from doing what

Both of them started out with practically no knowledge of how to make money online.Josh decided that he was just going to make a video every single day and post it to his channel on Youtube.
Jason decided to post inspirational, success posts on Instagram.  
Little-by-little, their everyday routine created huge momentum in their life.
Both members made over 6 figures in team sales as a D.A. member in their first 3 months. For most people, that type of money in such a short time span would be life changing. 
But the reason they were able to do it was because they consistently focused on ONE thing every day.”

Click on this link here, if you’re curious about how to create an online business & FREEDOM in you life.

You’ve got nothing to loose but the life that is holding you back.

What is our purpose in life?

What is our purpose in life?  Today’s 99 Million Dollar Question right?!

I’ve been working with this questions quite intimately these past months here in Bali land.  Knowing for a long time there is much more to living life than just hitting the daily grind in exchange for an income.

I know this – but such is life – continuing to learn lessons, plugging along & asking life purpose reflection questions.
Each question has created an opportunity, a stepping stone to the next. Each stepping stone has requested courage & fear acknowledgement. But here’s the thing, they ARE stepping stones. We are never given what we cannot handle, and so we get to choose in each moment whether we continue with what we know, or step into that which we don’t.

Bali was and continues to be a gamble.

I have no idea what I’m doing & showing up for on a day to day basis, but I do, because sitting here in my life, I cannot & will not go backwards.

If I ‘went back’, this might look like returning to Australia or maybe New Zealand, getting a J.O.B in exchange for my life hours and a small wage in exchange for such un-priceable value. I will not do it.  (Well – it doesn’t feel like my here & now calling.  Although I have learnt to be open and step into what is needed in each moment.)

The Silent Retreat was tough. It was an inner boot camp of looking at fears, demons, and a time out & deconstruction of everything I knew to be true. The living paradigm of J.O.B working.  Compartmentalizing life.  It has since spat me out, in which I am SO grateful for. Day by day, now some 10 days on or so, life continues to show up for me because I am choosing to show up for it. I am in the hands of something far greater that has me in it’s arms.

How am I sustaining myself?
Friends, more friends, small savings & trust.

Do I know what I’m doing tomorrow?
Hell No!

Am I happy & excited?
Hell YES!

Do I get to live my life on my terms?
HELL YES!

Am I safe? A roof over my head & food to eat?
Everyday!

This is life!
This is living!

My dear chicken friend reminded me last week. There is no separation between work & play. There is only life. We shouldn’t have to invest in one to have the other. They shouldn’t need to be mutually exclusive things.

Life is life. It was given to us as our birthright to enjoy, explore, learn & play. Not to live by rules & patterning passed down from generation to generation. But the sad thing is, unless you don’t start to question, you will never learn any different, as we only know what we know. If we knew what we didn’t know, there would still be more that we didn’t know.  And so on & so on, x’s infinity!  Where does the mind go with the limitlessness of that!?

I’m reading the book “Cashflow Quadrant by Robert T Kiyosaki” right now, and a passage he shares within it is;

“We all know people who make a lot of money, but hate their work. We also know people who do not make a lot of money and hate their work. And we all know people who just work for money. A classmate of mine realized he did not want to spend his life at sea. Rather than sail for the rest of his life, he went to law school after graduation, spending three more years becoming a lawyer and entering private practice in the Self Employed Quadrant.

He died in his early fifties. He had become a very successful, unhappy lawyer. Like me, he had two professions by the time he was 26. Although he hated being a lawyer, he continued being a lawyer because he had a family, kids, a mortgage, and bills to pay.
A year before he died, I met him at a class reunion in New York. He was a bitter man.

“All I do is sweep up behind rich guys like you. They pay me nothing. I hate what I do and who I work for.”
“Why don’t you do something else?” I asked.
“I can’t afford to stop working. My first child is entering college.”
he died of a heart attack before she graduated.
he made a lot of money via his professional training, but he was emotionally angry, spiritually dead, and soon his body followed.”

Whilst this story is extreme, doesn’t it hit hard? I mean, I’m sure we know people in our sphere’s like this right? Living the daily grind, surviving not thriving.

There is no blame or finger pointing here.  This situation is what it is because we know no different, but is merely an opportunity to be open to reflect on HOW we could live differently? What would I really like to enjoy in my world? It can be a big question that brings forth a blank canvas. I know it did for me for a long time, I’ve only known that the old didn’t fit and I needed to move towards something new , un-created & unwritten.

Question with me, create, play & explore.

What is our purpose in life

living in Bali | facing myself

This living in Bali business really invites facing myself in a brutally honest way.
It has to be one of my most challenging rides to date.  I think I consider leaving Bali almost daily.

It feels like the mask that once so craftily created, to hide an insecurity, is slowly peeled back or being dissolved.  I am coming face to face with emotions real.  Connected to old embedded thoughts that remind me of the young girl I once knew so well.  The hopeless teenager who felt so down on herself she cried everyday after school.  The young girl who was so self conscious she accepted that boys were attracted to her friends and not her.  As her friends attended parties with said boys, it hurt her to not be invited, yet she never said a word.

These fundamental years shaped me.  They set the tone, my blueprint for what I believe of myself.

Of course ADULT HEIDI understands better these days.  But the reality is that she doesn’t always run the show.  My self worth is in review at the present moment, and Adult Heidi has stepped to the side, holding space for this younger self to be seen.  It ain’t comfortable.  It’s not particularly enjoyable.  But it’s real.  It takes courage to meet yourself with your wounds exposed.  But here I am.  I am here because I want something different for myself.  I don’t want to under value myself anymore.

I want to truly experience the Woman I want to be in the world.  I don’t want to feel an achy heart for something I long for.  I want to vibrate at such a frequency and know I already have love.  I don’t want to feel a sense of unworthiness or shame at the thought of supporting others through their dark moments and personal journey.  I don’t want to feel like my contribution in the world doesn’t matter or isn’t worth a worthy exchange that allows me to enjoy the fruits of life.  I want to feel that I know I HAVE these.  That I don’t feel a lack.  A yearning.  A wanting.  I want to feel the sense of satisfaction that is available from having made a difference.

I know to well the heart ache of our planet and its people right now and I don’t know where to start?  I really don’t. This image conjures – me yelling at others “pick up your trash”, like a teacher on duty during interval at school.

Peoples naivety hurts my heart!  Why can they not see?  Not understand the results of their actions?  Their in-actions?!  Where do I start?  How do I matter AND live an enjoyable life meeting my needs?  From here, where to?

The solution from my mind is not clear.  I don’t think I can pull myself out of, something my mind created.  The false lies.  My false sense of self (worth).  This is not who I am.  It is a tee-taw established during childhood, one I believed.  They are merely thoughts.  The only way through is to face myself.

SELF DIAGNOSED PRESCRIPTION

What can one do with a thought?  One can change it.
What invested interest do I have in believing I am not worthy?  I have NONE!
This false belief does NOT serve ME!
It doesn’t make me happy!
It doesn’t allow me to thrive!
It makes me feel shit.
So, why do I hold onto it?  Because it’s all I’ve known.
Am I ready to let it go?  YES!!
And so, what is its replacement?

I AM LOVED…

facing myself

 

Ego & Silence meet… What happens?

When Ego and Silence meet, magical occurrences can happen.

Parts of ourselves become present in our minds eye, we may never have had the pleasure of meeting before.

Much like how our Apps hum along in the background of our smart phones, so too do these parts of ourselves, our ego.

They use energy subconsciously, they have been magnetizing your very life experiences.  Creating it, drawing situations closer & closer.
To create the very moment.  This very moment… in Silence where you shall meet it.

This is the personal development path.  To come to know yourself, to meet your untruth, to pave the way for THE truth, the truth of who you really are in the world.

So as you meet your yourself, your hidden subconscious, you receive the opportunity to meet who has been running the show.  Your monkey mind creator – if you will.

They may not be pretty, but these separated elements of your psyche, created by experiences in life, during developmental stages;
Infant, Toddler, Adolescent, Teenage – pivitol moments that bonded themselves in our cellular memory.
Or perhaps deeper, older?  Past Life, Generational Contracts, In Utereo… Who’s to say?

But you are here.  You are brave.  Courageous.

You are meeting YOU.  Who you are manifest in the world.

Your journey.

All humans are seekers.  Seeking our truth.  From truth, we can make conscious choice.  Choices in life, choices aligned to our greater good.  Your greater good.

There is infinite wisdom connecting with your magnetic subconscious.  It knows, even if your mind does not understand.

You can feel it.

And so, you know…

 

+ Before we meet these hidden parts of ourselves, we don’t even know they exist.  They operate subconsciously, behind the scenes, but driving us.  It is not until we are in Silence, or triggered by an external person or experience, that they arise to the surface.
+ If you need support in recognizing behaviors you know are not working for you.
Email or Message Heidi at www.heidifirth.com

meeting parts of your ego

Bali Visa Musings – having no agenda for change

While sitting in the Immigration Office in Bali, I was contemplating how much change my life has undergone, is such a short space of time.  Living within a Silent Retreat has brought me back to simplicity & the heart of what really matters in life.

I now see the many many distractions we create in life to avoid the very things that matter most to us.

For me, there is now no where to run, no where to hide, but face the pressing iceberg that lays in front.

My creativity & mark in the world is forefront.

I witness the talk, the wanting to make a better world, to impact people near & far.

I have had to learn to be humbled in its process, to loose my agenda for what I want.

I have had to let go & surrender to hard untruths in a bid to dissolve them.

I’ve had to fall into a puddle in the floor to come back stronger & continue step by step, again without agenda, but to dance in enjoyment of that moment, because this is all there is. An agenda is an idea, attached to ego.

When the ego fails, we feel we have failed & so a death cycles begins.

Not to avoid death cycles, but to really live in flow as nature intended is the truth. The only truth.

Having all rugs pulled from underneath, all safety harnesses removed, no life raft near is the only way. A singular leaf blowing in the wind, landing where it will, when it will, is, natures way.

And so, I am but another leaf, a piece of Earth, a part of Earth, aiming not to try to be anywhere but here.

It is an interesting way to live.

Trusting in life to provide in each & every moment. As this is only where life is. Not tomorrow, not yesterday.

Each moment I choose what tasks fulfill me, what nurtures me & what supports all. It is only within this balance of viewing all that I can be available to think far & wide, beyond my ‘I’ in the world.

Talking about doing things is no longer an option. We have a responsibility to uphold. Sitting behind Facebook sharing painful truths is not going to be the change. It is one step to awakening the masses perhaps, but it is only being in action that will make the change.

Today I propose to play a part in the reduction of reducing plastic usage in Bali. To help educate the Balinese people that their plastic rubbish contributes towards ocean pollution & sea life death.

This is an agenda yes. But in voicing it, I can let it go, and carry on taking action steps. Little by little, in a bid to align to the Earths intention for balance & harmony.

These words as I sit in at the Immigration Office in Bali.

no agenda for change, living in bali

Living in the Now – The Journey vs The Destination

Yesterday in my room, I contemplated living in the now, as I watched all the caterpillars that have cocooned themselves along the exposed frame work of my roof.

My room is much like a fancy outdoor tent.  I’m protected from the elements, however in traditional Balinese style, it is open and breezy, so bugs & insects alike are free to come and go as they so choose.

I was contemplating these caterpillars, thinking, do they know what their destiny is when they embark on that trek up my wall?

Do all the caterpillars congregate together, having a meeting about their future, preparing each other for what they’re about to go through?

I sure as hell bet they don’t!

And so, that got me thinking about how funny it is, how we as human beings operate.
We pow wow with each other.
We talk about where we think we’re going.
What we think we’re going to do, create.
But the reality of those conversations is that we have NO idea!  Those ideas lay in the future, and the future doesn’t exist.  So isn’t it strange to talk and make plans for something that doesn’t exist?

And when we do, we create thoughts around what we think we’re creating, which then creates more thoughts, which conjure feelings and more thoughts, about something that doesn’t exist.  Huh?!

I think it’s the strangest thing.

So these caterpillars, they embark on their mission.  One tiny little catapillar foot at a time, up my bedroom wall.  Until suddenly they stop.  They build their cocoon, and they go into hibernation.  If I understood that this was my destiny, perhaps I would never embark on that trek up my bedroom wall, and perhaps I might stay in the ‘safety’ of lingering on the ground, continuing to forage for food, getting fat.

Isn’t that an interesting metaphor to consider?

What is the gross population doing?  Is it fair to say, getting fat?  Not only just physically, but metophorically.

Our weight, our ‘fatness’, is the fear of the potential we have.

Having over thought every future potential (based on a belief system that is old), for ourselves and denied our forward movement due to fear?

There is comfort in safety, but is there satisfaction?  I’m going to go out on a limb and say, probably not, other than short term satisfaction.

The more and more we continue to return to the present moment, the more we can find satisfaction in the now, and not look to the future for safety & security.  As time only exists in the now, we will only ever receive exactly what we need in the now.  Safety & security is simply an illusion we have been breed to believe exists.  A ‘what if’ mentally that is based on future problems and implications.  But if we are focusing on the future as a problem, with potential issues to prepare for, what are we really creating for ourselves?  A fear based living in the now!  Detaching from our abundance and the universe supplying exactly what we need in this moment, here and now.

The Job.  Long Service Leave.  Maternity Leave.  The retirement fund.  Owning the house.

Do acquiring these items invite you to live your greatest life?

Are they an expression of your creativity?  You’re souls purpose in this lifetime?  Do they give you a sense of satisfaction like no other?  Perhaps they do?

I look at where I sit now in my life.

Since arriving in Bali 2.5 months ago, I have had to move into complete surrender around what I thought I was creating for my life.

I thought I was going to settle in Canada with the boy that I love.  I thought I might build a successful online business which in time progresses into a retreat centre in the woods on Vancouver Island.

I thought, I thought, I thought.  Then Bali.  Bali wasn’t part of the plan.  Not how I thought anyway!

In creating attachment to an outcome, to an idea, we create something incongruent within ourselves.  An expectation.  Cords & pulls towards something we feel we are entitled too.  When that outcome is not met, we feel a sense of loss, an emptiness at something lost, that we didn’t actually have in the first place.  Strange isn’t it?

So if there is no expectation.  More a presence & expanse with living in the now, then there can be no disappointment.  There can only be what is.  A co-creation with the universe & a gratitude for what exists in the now.

The caterpillar doesn’t think – “I’m going to become a butterfly!”
He embarks on this journey because the call is pulling him forth.
He knows that he needs to do this, so he simply does it.
He surrenders.Living in the now
He moves forth without expectation.
Taking one step at a time.
He shows up.
He is not attached to any outcome.
He is here.
He is only here.
We can learn a lot from watching nature and her rhythms.

Living in the now.

 

Our internal thoughts can appear to be a maze of corners, dead ends, expansive openings and whatever else you may not want to look at.
Having the support of someone guiding your delicate infrastructure can bring forth deep clarity.
Contact Heidi via email or message with your curious life questions.
www.heidifirth.com or www.facebook.com

Find your inner Guru | ReWiLd Yourself

Expansion into areas of self… could be the key component to find your inner Guru.  Creating change amongst the masses.  We cannot continue how we are.
Busying & filling our lives with tasks, items, social engagements, property, STUFF, on the scale that we are.  These items bring little to no true satisfaction.

We know this story, it is familiar to most.
But breaking out of this paradigm is the unique transition that few make.  The courageous embodiment of living by your words, intentions & a presence greater than yourself, to honor and acknowledge.

Breaking the norm of what exists for us if we follow it, and embarking on that path covered with debris, pain & the crap that we really didn’t want to look at.

Social Media is our biggest catalyst for change, showing us what we need to look at, OR on the equal flip side, showing us what we are running fastest from.

Being in this blessed spirited Silent Retreat, I know for a fact, that I am doing time in the tank.  I am doing the work, looking at my shit, and ploughing on through regardless of what shows up.  10 years prior, this would not have been possible for me.  I wouldn’t have had the emotional strength & resources.  I would’ve surrendered in the throes of my ego story and how I was safely living.

I remember going through my depression journey, it was an achievement to get out of bed for the day.  I didn’t look at it as such, I couldn’t look at my day as a whole.  I had to take that journey hour by hour, sometimes 30 mins by 30 mins.  Anyone who’s experienced depression will understand this simple concept.  One simply cannot function further than the short space of ahead, it is just to debilitating and overwhelming.  Looking at the whole day is enough to send a sufferer back to the bed from which they came.

The journey of shifting paradigms – created by our parents, their parents, and their parents parents…is one that is embedded within us.  It is undeniable and lives within our bodies cellular system.  Which is why I agree even more, that this time, is such a special time to be alive.  A separation is occurring.  A breaking away.  We are now in a position to accept that we are more resourced, maybe overly resourced than EVER before.  We ARE safe.  There is no denying this.
Our only sense of un-safety is from a world that is so ingrained in fear,  that the separation from living within fear, by nature, will bring up ours, before the grande ‘hurrah’ of departure.  The ones left behind living in this bubble, will kick and scream and manipulate their truth, selling themselves, to try to coax us back to them, to confirm that they are ok, and what they are choosing is ok.  Re-feeding the fear within.

But once you’re out.  You are out.  Like Neo in the Matrix, there is no returning back up the rabbit hole.

What is life like once you’re out?  Well friend, this is the great mystery.  It is unique.  It is magic.  It is unwritten.  It is messy.  But guaranteed, you are in for one heck of an adventure.
Life IS messy.
It’s meant to be!
Look at nature by definition.
It is wild, expansive, life giving, beautiful & everywhere.

Us humans are a part of nature, how could we not be?
There is no us and them.
There is only we.
How and when did this separation occur?
When did you loose your beautiful wild messy self?

Images of child like play conjure up.  The days spent playing in the back yard while Mum cooked, cleaned, pottered, created.  Dad was doing Dad things and you, well, you played.  For hours on end.  Messy dirty grass stained feet, the biggest smile and energetic happiness emanating.

Now look at how clean we are.  Cleaning products bountiful, streamlined produce in supermarkets vying for attention at their perfection.  Neatly mowed lawns and manicured gardens.  The commute to work – 1-2 people per car, all heading in the same direction.  Eyes down at smart phone, interested in a reality that isn’t happening now, in REAL time.  What are we doing people.  WAKE UP!!

All these behaviors to keep us separated from who we really are.  But this is the thing – we have lost touch with who we are, we’re so fucking lost!  If you were uplifted from where you are right here and now, and placed in an unknown wild location with nothing but yourself  – how would you cope?  What would your primal nature guide you to do?  Have you met your primal self?  We are so built up in our concrete jungles, surrounded by windows of pretty things down every street.  Look at me, buy me, your life will be better with me.  HELLO!

It is interesting to ponder isn’t it?  The separation between nature & city.  And it is.  Separation.

I open an invitation to you, to re-wild yourself.  And I’m not talking about placing yourself in the wilderness armed with nothing but you – Bear Grylls style.  Not yet anywho.  Can you spend a day outside in nature without your phone.  Can you wear no shoes and feel the earth beneath your feet?  Can you forage for food, begin to learn what food grows naturally & is bountiful.  Can you visit the local farm from where you purchase your grass-feed, free range meat?  Can you rise with the sun & sleep as it goes down.

What are some ways you can connect back into natures rhythms, slowly, realistically before you are really smacked in the face?

find your inner guru

Being your own guru – within your family unit…

Well let me tell you, I’m sure this topic has been years in the making!

I left New Zealand when I was a mere 20 years old.  Bright eyed and bushy tailed – ready to take on the world.

I had a one way ticket to London, England and all I knew was that I had a 2 year working Visa and was booked on a 14 day Contiki tour.

Today, some 16 years later, I sit here, back home in Te Awamutu, New Zealand, and reflect on this journey that has proceeded me.

I do know that on some level I left NZ in search of something, and through my travels, I discovered that that something was myself.  I have found myself, and so perhaps this is why I now find myself home.

My story reminds me of the book – Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist.
If you haven’t heard of it, click the link above, or read the copied text below from Amazon.com;

“Brazilian storyteller Paulo Coehlo introduces Santiago, an Andalusian shepherd boy who one night dreams of a distant treasure in the Egyptian pyramids. And so he’s off: leaving Spain to literally follow his dream.

Along the way he meets many spiritual messengers, who come in unassuming forms such as a camel driver and a well-read Englishman. In one of the Englishman’s books, Santiago first learns about the alchemists–men who believed that if a metal were heated for many years, it would free itself of all its individual properties, and what was left would be the “Soul of the World.” Of course he does eventually meet an alchemist, and the ensuing student-teacher relationship clarifies much of the boy’s misguided agenda, while also emboldening him to stay true to his dreams. “My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer,” the boy confides to the alchemist one night as they look up at a moonless night.

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself,” the alchemist replies. “And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.” –Gail Hudson –“

So here I am in my Mum & her husbands home.  Feeling like the 20 something year old I was when I left, likely less an ego than then.  Perhaps I have reached a crux in my quest, where I can no longer continue the way that I was. Very much an independent traveler, determined to change the world all on my own.  Though I have learnt that this is not possible.  One person changing the world is no small feat, nor is it likely possible.

Being home in a family unit brings a new set of challenges I have avoided most of my adult life.  Feeling and acknowledging the family wounds.  It has been easy (in a sense), to travel the world alone and acknowledge my own self and the experiences that have come to make me unique.  Everything that I have written in my blog to date has likely been a glimpse into my inner workings and what has supported me to unlock who I am and my gifts to the world.

What are these gifts worth when they are hidden behind a computer screen, behind words, behind a fancy website (not that mine is), behind branding and a perception one wishes to be viewed by the world?  I don’t know?  Perhaps a lot, perhaps nothing, perhaps something?

These are my thoughts as I sit here.  Perhaps healing the world isn’t necessarily about what I project out into my Social Media.  Perhaps is lays in the challenge & familiar/unfamiliar ground of being me where it all began?  What a concept that is!  Slotting back into my family unit.  Mum, Sister, Nieces + Nephew – to teach what I have learnt.  To create a new paradigm for family relationships and interactions.  When friends and family are the most important cards on our tables, do we really give them the value that we so think they hold?

Spending hours at a job we may not really enjoy, simply to get the pay cheque at weeks end.  What fulfillment is there when this is what we align too?  How many hours of the week are lost to something that is passionless, or a mere gateway?

I’m not suggesting throwing it all in on reading of my words, but simply invite enquiry of what is it that invokes passion and life!  I sit here reflecting on this very question today.  So I’m not saying I have the answers.  I definately have the questions and am open to the answers – as I KNOW there is another way.  I just know it in my soul.  I didn’t come here to work in a job being unfulfilled.  I came here for a reason, for a purpose.  I want to LOVE my life, and love every moment of it.  Even the tough stuff.  And right now, I will admit, I am in a seemingly interesting situation;

36 years old and living at home with my Mum, unemployed.
But you know what?  That is one way to look at it.
Another way; I have spent 16 years living away from my family – I am now living with & spending quality time with my Mother & family – who I love & adore – I have the opportunity to help her with tasks & such, and in between, I get to write and reflect – plant seeds + create – which I LOVE!

Pretty sweet huh?!

I think so.

Here’s to unfolding new ways of living & being in this world. <3

being your own guru within your family unit