when there is nothing *internal to do…

 

Last week, I had such an amazing, joyful time here in Mongan Village.  The sun shone, I walked the dogs, I saw a client, I held a group discussion – it felt really really good.  This week, it has rained constantly.

No clients so far, dogs with cabin fever and my inner landscape feeling rather meeh.  I’m dedicated to digging into my tool kit when I feel this way, I know that afterwards I tend to feel great again.

Today’s’ tool are were a mixture of walking feet on the earth, Wim Hofs breathing technique, Balinese Water Blessing and a Chakra Meditation.  These generally completely shift my energy and have me looking through new lenses, but today I’ve done these and I’m back under the doona in bed, watching the continuous rain.  There is nothing more, (internally) that I can do.

I’m not complaining, in fact, I think I’m pretty bloody lucky to have the available time and space to indulge in the inner workings of my mind, not everyone has, or makes this a priority.  I think it’s that I have learnt to, and really, what else do I have?

Today, I don’t have kids, a partner, a house that needs tending to, there is no oven I can bake in, I don’t live near my family/friends so I can visit, the dogs have had their walk in the pause of the rain.  I really am this free spirit that is at the command of the universe.

And this, has been my unfolding lesson for this duration of time in Bali.  Learn to surrender, let go and trust that I am supported.  At times, my head wonders – “what the fuck do you have in store for me”?  I mean, I sit here now reflecting on my current life, and it looks like a baron wasteland.  Rather like these freshly harvested rice fields.  All the abundance has been cut and packaged up for sale, what is left is the hay like debris ready to be set alight as soon as these rains cease.  This is me.

Ubud feels like it is closing up for me.  All the friends that I’ve made over this past 1.5 years have departed, back to their home soil.  Maybe one or two friends remain, but the foundations are beginning to shake.  You know when a chapter ends, you know it has ended, so why recreate a new one that looks the same, because it won’t be the same, it never will be, and there will only be disappointment.  No, it’s time to move on.  Time for something new to be born.

Except, the new is not yet visible.  The phoenix has not yet risen from the ashes.  There are no ashes, it’s still bloody raining, so they can’t light the fire.  It’s grey, dreary, wet, heavy, slow, there’s no movement right now.

A bubble of past, present, unknown future is percolating, mixing itself with each other, so nothing really makes any sense.  The beauty of this is in the witness of it, and of the trusting of natures unfolding that nothing stays the same, and it won’t.

when there is nothing to do

Molly, Me & a place to call home

It’s now been 6 nights and about 2 hours since I moved into my new home, and let me tell you – life feels so very different on the other side.

The last time I was able to unpack my bags without an agenda to move anywhere would have been Victoria, Canada.  I don’t include the Silent Retreat as that was Ashram style living and frankly – who wants to consider living there long term?

I’ve landed safely with both feet, as my new home includes everything.  I have a bathroom – hot & cold water, a kitchen – including gas cooker AND fridge, a bed, a garden AND a pool!  Jackpot!

These might seem like very simple things to give appreciation for, but when you’ve been bed & house hopping for the past year, it changes one’s perspective A LOT!

For the last 5 mornings I’ve cooked breakfast at home.  The satisfaction that this small little task offers is in-explainable.  Having to pop out to cafes to eat first thing in the morning can feel relentless after a while.  Don’t get me wrong – the food and coffee here are wonderful and I am so very grateful to have had the abundance to do this.  But this chicken is ready for a rest and to focus my energy constructively elsewhere.  Not on where I’m going to eat today.  Big shift.

At the same time, a little rescue Bali Dog affectionately named Molly has shown up in my life.  She’s a little doll of a puppy, if a puppy can be called that?  She’s a special little being that has been brought back from the brink of near extinction and has won our hearts.  So for now she is living with me.  A house and a dog in one week, a partner on his way.

Yup life.  It feels possible again.  Today when asked how I’m doing, my reply – good.  Full stop.  No stories, no explorations or reflections.  Just good.  Great in fact.

With the world in upheaval the way it is, to feel good is GREAT!

My inner world is where it’s at.  It is all there is.  From my inner world I am creating my external.  Amazing things are beginning to make their way to me at a rapid rate.  I am merely preparing to receive them right now.  I’m resting when I need to & enjoying this massive clearing rain Bali has been receiving for FOUR days straight now.  FOUR DAYS OF RAIN!

So this little blog is just a little ditty of gratitude.  No massive reflections, no deep diving.  A reminder that simplicity and gratitude for such is where I’m at.  I couldn’t be happier in this moment, well I can think of one – but that’s for between my ears only 😉

In love, gratitude & amazing health

love heidi

Molly, Me & a place to call home

2017 & finding my words again

2017 is here, 2016 fades, and I’m learning to find my words again.

For me, 2016 still lingers, like a bad smell that won’t quit.  A reminder of the epic lessons thrown at me.  The relentless pummeling, like being dumped in a massive surf break that appears as endless as an Australian Summer.

Last year was a massive year of endings, lessons, transformations, challenges & every other color in between that.  I was forced to let go of anything and everything I knew to be true, AND, any form of external safety or security I had created.

I found myself living in Bali for the full duration, with a brief trip to Australia for a visa run.  Other than that, it was life in a Silent Retreat for 8.5 months, followed by life in Ubud, Bali.

In hindsight now, I can see that I simply needed to make the decision to be here, rather than leave decisions to the wind and magically hope that Bali would simply provide everything I could need.  But hindsights are always that aren’t they, seeing life clearly once you’ve been on the rollercoaster ride of life adventure.

It was scary being here.  Scary in the not knowing, it still is.  Of surrendering to the fact that we are not control.  I struggle with this dance.  Of choosing a direction and trusting that I will be supported in it.  I think I am still holding the scars from the last time I trusted this process.  Leaving Australia for Canada, and then leaving Canada for New Zealand.  I’m smart ya know – I do understand that life is about experiences – adventure.  Successes and Failures.  But today I acknowledge *yet again* the pain of hurt in my heart from something that ended so abruptly.

So I struggle to choose something and trust.  Hence the non choosing of my life here in Bali.  To just wander and drift and hope that life would show up for me.  And it has, I have constantly been provided for.  Amazing friends & family who have provided accommodation, food & listening loving ears whenever I have needed.

But this way of living has invited a sense of hopelessness, a mistrust within myself that I didn’t hold the power to make anything happen, that I was at the complete mercy of life to carry me where I needed to go.  Even today I still feel like this.  Just having finished a conversation with a new friend in a coffee shop, I still feel powerless to life.

I know no one knows where they are going, but I for one feel like I’m leading the party on the mission to no where.  Sometimes I feel like I have it right, and everyone else has it wrong.  Because we aren’t going anywhere, we are only here. Right here, right now.  In fact to think we are going anywhere else but here is laughable!

“Want to make god laugh?  Tell him your plans.”

But my lesson of the year, is one of trust & co-creation.  Of working with the law of attraction to make the desirable occur.  I want a home.  I have to choose a home. Sounds basic right?  Yes.  But I’ve lacked the fundamental self belief that I am worthy of anything, so therefore chose to not choose anything.  And because I chose nothing, then nothing showed up, despite me wanting stuff.  I was in-congruent with my core belief – “I’m not worthy.”  So keep attracting more of not being worthy.  Ouch!

I’m on the final straight of this doozy of a lesson.  I am SO done with believing I am not enough, it serves NO ONE!

Yes – I have chosen that I want a home & am actively searching.  It is taking it’s sweet time for sure, but I’m putting it down to the right one making it’s way to me.  I am receiving messages that this lesson is near completion, that I have done the work, and that now it’s about letting go and allowing the final completion to occur with gratitude for all it’s wonder and juiciness.

I gave thanks to my dear Sista – Samaya last night, she has opened up her home to me & has made me feel nothing but welcome.  I said to her, if this is the final hurrah of this lesson, I’ve been given such a wonderful opportunity by sharing such quality time with her.

Forgive my writing, but I’m still finding my writing pants – I think I have lost them from the constant bed hopping that I’ve been participating in.  Writing feels like I am swimming in an alphabet stew and cannot connect the correct letters, let alone words, to put together.  I used to find writing & blogging so easy – but currently it’s like trying to swim to the surface after being pummeled by those said waves in the beginning.

2017 finding my words again

This is an Osho card reading I gave myself last night.  Depicting the situation at hand.
1 – The Issue – Consciousness
2 – What I’m present to internally – Innocence
3 – What needs to happen externally – Letting Go
4 – What is currently happening – Transformation
5 – The Outcome – Completion

3 of these cards being Major Arcana Cards – representing BIG lessons at play.

6 Signs You’re Experiencing the Awakening Process

Perhaps you’ve read about the awakening process or are going through it yourself.  The world is shifting and people are awakening to the truth of this life. It can be a scary initiation that is a preparation into your unique life purpose and why you are living this life.  One that has more meaning than that of simply following the society norm of which we have been conditioned to through our up bringing.

To help a little, and normalize what you might be experiencing, I’ve compiled 6 examples to support your surrender and remind you you aren’t alone.

I know when I experienced these, I felt like I was the only person on Earth and didn’t understand what was happening.  Please know you’re not alone as many have gone before you, and are right alongside you right now.  At this time there is an abundance of people available to support you and understand your experience.

6 Signs You’re Experiencing the Awakening Process

  • 1 – Something outside of your control happens;

    Maybe you lost your job?
    A large financial challenge occurs.
    You move homes, or locations.
    You’re going through a divorce or separation with a loved one.
    Someone dear to you passes on.
    A desired outcome was not fulfilled.

    Situations that occur beyond what our Ego has calculated can invite an opportunity for fear to visit.  This is not a bad thing.  Merely a chance to test our resiliency and feel emotions we may not have allowed ourselves to feel by being in our mapped out existence.  When we know what we know, well…  When we don’t know what we don’t know…

  • 2 – Feeling emotional for unknown reasons;

    You experience a spectrum of emotions for unknown (or maybe known) reasons. But you really do not understand WHY you feel this magnified way about this unknown, or known thing, but you do.  You feel like reclusing, hiding, you are unsure how to cope.

    When life happens for us externally, it can activate emotions that are suppressed within our psyche.  Something may have happened during our childhood years, or perhaps past lives, that we weren’t able to process, that now as an adult we have the capacity to.

  • 3 – Feeling alone/misunderstood in usual social situations;

    Going out tonight, you didn’t really feel like going.  But you go because you feel a sense of obligation.  It’s what you ‘should’ do.  The small talk at the outing feels really really hard. You long to simply be at home, or be able to talk about what is really going on in your life, but you feel far to vulnerable to show how you really feel and fear being judged and feeling like ‘that person’.  That person who is struggling with life and doesn’t have it all together.  Because of course we should, right?  (tongue in cheek)

    As our consciousness is shifting and we are awakening to a whole new world of thoughts, feelings, emotions and ways of being in the world, we begin to shift and out grow or existing reality.

  • 4 – Increased sensitivity to usual environments & information

    Watching the News, or reading Newspapers is no longer enjoyable. You don’t like the fear mongering in these stores, they make you feel bad.  You prefer to scroll Social Media for feel good stories, articles and information, watch YouTube Videos and choose to inform yourself on what ‘the people’ are sharing.  There are great things happening in the world too!  You are consciously choosing to feel good, not bad.

    You might be beginning to notice how easy it is to feel bad based on environmental factors.  Media, people, environments, food, bars, clubs, places you used to put your energy into.  You’ll be making conscious choices for what makes you feel good vs bad.

  • 5 – Falling away of current friendships

    You’re feeling like your current circle of friends don’t understand you and what is happening.  You struggle to talk to them and feel really uncomfortable when you try.  When you do, they console you with things like:
    – it’ll pass
    – you’ll be right // you’ll get through this
    – everyone goes through something
    – did you know such and such had xyz happen – you’re lucky compared to them
    It’s not their fault they don’t know how to acknowledge you, but you feel no better, maybe worse and more alone from not feeling heard.

    Yup – this is a tricky, and personal one to navigate.  Ensure you seek support from a practitioner who can acknowledge how you feel.  How you feel IS important and valid and it’s absolutely irrelevant to compare your situation to another person going through the same or different circumstances.  We are all unique and riding our own life waves.

  • 6 – There is discomfort in the life you once felt comfort

    Suddenly, being in large populated areas like shopping malls, supermarkets now aggravates you. The bright lights, artificial food & packaging, screaming children, intense energy, the sense of stress and urgency from over worked faces around you.  Not to mention the stress of getting in and out of the car park!

    Another uncomfortable one, but a great opportunity to acknowledge you and your needs.  There are other options available that don’t have to include going to a busy supermarket or mall.  Lucky now we have home gardens, whole foods stores, weekend markets, organic delivery services, co-ops.  Start doing some research if you haven’t already to connect with local people, create grass roots connections with others around you who are connected to the Earth.  Life isn’t a fast food store, so we shouldn’t live like it.

    Lots of wonderful unfolding lessons will show themselves in time.  This is a magical time where you will see more than you have before.  It may not feel like it at the time, but remember to breathe, seek support and know you are not alone in this.

 

6 Signs You're Experiencing the Awakening Process
The Awakening Process to Freedom

 

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He made HOW much from doing WHAT?

He made how much from doing what?  Where am I going with this?  I want to briefly share with you an opportunity that I’ve stumbled upon recently.

Up until then, I had been questioning, walking blindly, intention setting, asking for clarity about how do I create a successful online business.  Success for me equaling spreading my message to the world AND creating a passive income that supports me in doing so.

It’s one thing to have a passion & live by it, but it’s another thing to expect it to make money for you out in the world.  Elizabeth Gilbert, writer of Big Magic says it’s the number one thing that will stifle one’s creativity – expecting something of it.

And so with this awareness I felt lost.  I didn’t know how I was going to sustain myself.  Live in Bali (for now), Coach people through their challenges, make a positive impact on the Earth AND make money.

Problem I’ve had is, I’ve never been focused on money.  I’ve been focused on my WHY in the world.  Why it is I do what I do.  What change I wish to see for the collective.

So when I was introduced to Nate of www.worldnate.com on Instagram, a 23 year old kiwi plumber, travelling the world Full-Time I thought, hang on, what’s going on here?  If this guy can live a life independent of location, then why the heck can’t I?  I’m pretty smart too!  I have big visions & dreams, not that travelling the world full time is a bad thing, but there are people to help, causes to support.

I clicked the link in Instagram Bio and was instantly taken to an email capture page, followed by and introductory video.

That video sparked something in me I had lost connection with.  Possibility!  It IS possible for me to make money online!

Although it didn’t look the way I’d expected it to.  Nothing ever does right?  You get what you need, not what you want.

But it was the solution to my questions.

It confronted everything I had created around making an income online.

I saw my beliefs flashing before my eyes.

“I have to create this on my own.”
“It’s going to be hard.”
“It’s going to take time.”
“I’m going to be glued to my laptop full-time.”
“It’s going to take me away from what I really want to be doing.”
“It’s going to be lonely.”
Plus many many more… you get the idea.

When I was face to face with solution it smashed the above beliefs out of my head.  Guess what?  I got sick.  I was laid out for 2 days fevering off the old debris that were my old outdated beliefs above.  I knew change & a shift were immanent.

You see – my WHY in the world is to inspire people to align with their inner Guru, therefore creating conscious choices that support the EARTH.  As much as I can reach one person at a time, I need to reach MORE.  The internet is the perfect platform to do so.

Whilst I’ve been mentioning money, what this opportunity is providing, is Online Business Systems that will support to make Be Your Own Guru an actual business.  A profitable business.  Again a very new concept for me. Make money doing something I love?  You’ve got to be daft!

That said, the stories and results are best told by the Creator & Founder – Michael Force.

This opportunity is one that cannot be missed if you are wanting to create an online business that will enable Freedom in your life.

For me, this is the missing piece of my puzzle.  It is the bones that I will build upon to live my dreams.

Over the next few weeks I will be implementing what I am learning into my business, so you’ll be able to see what I’m up to.

I continue to be the same soul centered, value driven individual – driven by the soul desire to live in alignment with Mother Earth, this, is going to support us in doing so.

Below, I share with you an email I received from Michael Force 2 days ago.  If it moves, touches & inspires something within you, please click this link & see what I saw.  If you have questions – you know where I am.

“Hey Heidi,
This week has been an incredible week for us.
Our members are just crushing it.
New members are joining at a record pace.  
It’s only been a few short months since we “soft launched” and we’re already growing into one of the biggest companies online.
For “outsiders,” they see the rapid growth and think that it’s some sort of “trick” or “secret” that we’ve discovered.
That if they can just do that ONE thing… they’ll grow too.
I hate to tell you this, but it’s not just one single thing.
It’s a series of pre-planned steps that have been repeated consistently.

He made how much from doing what

And that is the BIG secret: consistency.
You see, most people are comfortable where they are at.
Most people have a “comfortable” job that allows them to drive a “comfortable” car and live in a “comfortable” house.
Yet all that comfort doesn’t move them forward.
Ask anyone in that situation how much money they have saved up and the answer is nearly always “ZERO.”
As human beings, we’re genetically hardwired to seek out comfort and routine.  
It’s safe, it’s predictable and it conserves precious energy.
Nearly everyone I know, when they do finally try to change, they try to change all at once rather than be strategic about it.
Say they sleep in until 10 AM and eat junk food every day.
One day, they decide they’ve had enough.
So the next day they get up at 6 AM, go to the gym, throw out all the junk food and eat only salad.
By the third day they break down, sleep in, binge eat and feel like a total loser with no self control.
It was too much too fast and they didn’t plan.

When it comes to making changes to your life…
Especially when you go from “employee” to the freedom of being self-employed…
You have to be strategic and you have to be consistent.

Josh and Jason are two amazing stories.

He made how much from doing what

He made how much from doing what

Both of them started out with practically no knowledge of how to make money online.Josh decided that he was just going to make a video every single day and post it to his channel on Youtube.
Jason decided to post inspirational, success posts on Instagram.  
Little-by-little, their everyday routine created huge momentum in their life.
Both members made over 6 figures in team sales as a D.A. member in their first 3 months. For most people, that type of money in such a short time span would be life changing. 
But the reason they were able to do it was because they consistently focused on ONE thing every day.”

Click on this link here, if you’re curious about how to create an online business & FREEDOM in you life.

You’ve got nothing to loose but the life that is holding you back.

Life took a drastic turn

life took a drastic turn

So days ago, in fact the day after I wrote my previous blog, my life took a drastic turn.

I have been spending extended time in a Silent Retreat, on the magical island of Bali.  It’s been a little over 8 months so far, hence my previous blog post.  (You can read that blog here.)

Upon returning from Australia, I was met with changes in my exchange at the retreat, to which I decided to step up into.  I imagined that there was a higher purpose for me being here, you know, to create something of my own contribution towards this retreat space and the hundreds of courageous souls who visit.

The next day, a whirlwind happened and I was let go!  A mass of incorrect communications took place.  Different perceptions of the same words, catapulted into miscommunication which resulted in this action.  It was wild, it was crazy, there may have been some angry words said, all necessary in the transition of this lesson.

But the strange thing is, I am not upset about it.  It feels right and I am in total acceptance that this was what had to happen.  And so now I sit in a space much like the butterfly does, as she allows her wings to dry before taking flight into a new adventure.

Mostly I feel excited and optimistic, though occasionally I feel nervous.

I want so much to step into an exciting opportunity that nurtures my soul to the highest extent.  I just want to get going, but equally flit with days of simply just needing rest and feeling exhausted.  What a ride this is.

Today feels more optimistic.  After a chat with a friend, I’m being reminded of processes akin to nature.  These support me to accept what is and to not work against my own unfolding.

Se are human beings and we have an ego.  The ego likes to know what is happening.  I know mine does.

– Where am I going?
– What do I want to do?
– How will I have money?
– Do I put my energies into Be Your Own Guru?

All these questions and more are humming along in the background that I am acknowledging.

Still I wish to act from love.  I wish to take action as & when it feels right.  Acting from fear only gets in the way, and prevents what really needs to drop in to arrive and be heard.

I explored websites my friend shared, and worked on my primary values – to help manifest & gain clarity of my next step.  These are the only steps available right now.  This, and to honor how much my body needs rest.  I nap each afternoon & am moving very gently.

One can only work with what is available & be in the dance of co-creation.  Good things take time & everything has a natural rhythm.

– BYOG

 

 

 

Bali Visa Musings – having no agenda for change

While sitting in the Immigration Office in Bali, I was contemplating how much change my life has undergone, is such a short space of time.  Living within a Silent Retreat has brought me back to simplicity & the heart of what really matters in life.

I now see the many many distractions we create in life to avoid the very things that matter most to us.

For me, there is now no where to run, no where to hide, but face the pressing iceberg that lays in front.

My creativity & mark in the world is forefront.

I witness the talk, the wanting to make a better world, to impact people near & far.

I have had to learn to be humbled in its process, to loose my agenda for what I want.

I have had to let go & surrender to hard untruths in a bid to dissolve them.

I’ve had to fall into a puddle in the floor to come back stronger & continue step by step, again without agenda, but to dance in enjoyment of that moment, because this is all there is. An agenda is an idea, attached to ego.

When the ego fails, we feel we have failed & so a death cycles begins.

Not to avoid death cycles, but to really live in flow as nature intended is the truth. The only truth.

Having all rugs pulled from underneath, all safety harnesses removed, no life raft near is the only way. A singular leaf blowing in the wind, landing where it will, when it will, is, natures way.

And so, I am but another leaf, a piece of Earth, a part of Earth, aiming not to try to be anywhere but here.

It is an interesting way to live.

Trusting in life to provide in each & every moment. As this is only where life is. Not tomorrow, not yesterday.

Each moment I choose what tasks fulfill me, what nurtures me & what supports all. It is only within this balance of viewing all that I can be available to think far & wide, beyond my ‘I’ in the world.

Talking about doing things is no longer an option. We have a responsibility to uphold. Sitting behind Facebook sharing painful truths is not going to be the change. It is one step to awakening the masses perhaps, but it is only being in action that will make the change.

Today I propose to play a part in the reduction of reducing plastic usage in Bali. To help educate the Balinese people that their plastic rubbish contributes towards ocean pollution & sea life death.

This is an agenda yes. But in voicing it, I can let it go, and carry on taking action steps. Little by little, in a bid to align to the Earths intention for balance & harmony.

These words as I sit in at the Immigration Office in Bali.

no agenda for change, living in bali

Living in the Now – The Journey vs The Destination

Yesterday in my room, I contemplated living in the now, as I watched all the caterpillars that have cocooned themselves along the exposed frame work of my roof.

My room is much like a fancy outdoor tent.  I’m protected from the elements, however in traditional Balinese style, it is open and breezy, so bugs & insects alike are free to come and go as they so choose.

I was contemplating these caterpillars, thinking, do they know what their destiny is when they embark on that trek up my wall?

Do all the caterpillars congregate together, having a meeting about their future, preparing each other for what they’re about to go through?

I sure as hell bet they don’t!

And so, that got me thinking about how funny it is, how we as human beings operate.
We pow wow with each other.
We talk about where we think we’re going.
What we think we’re going to do, create.
But the reality of those conversations is that we have NO idea!  Those ideas lay in the future, and the future doesn’t exist.  So isn’t it strange to talk and make plans for something that doesn’t exist?

And when we do, we create thoughts around what we think we’re creating, which then creates more thoughts, which conjure feelings and more thoughts, about something that doesn’t exist.  Huh?!

I think it’s the strangest thing.

So these caterpillars, they embark on their mission.  One tiny little catapillar foot at a time, up my bedroom wall.  Until suddenly they stop.  They build their cocoon, and they go into hibernation.  If I understood that this was my destiny, perhaps I would never embark on that trek up my bedroom wall, and perhaps I might stay in the ‘safety’ of lingering on the ground, continuing to forage for food, getting fat.

Isn’t that an interesting metaphor to consider?

What is the gross population doing?  Is it fair to say, getting fat?  Not only just physically, but metophorically.

Our weight, our ‘fatness’, is the fear of the potential we have.

Having over thought every future potential (based on a belief system that is old), for ourselves and denied our forward movement due to fear?

There is comfort in safety, but is there satisfaction?  I’m going to go out on a limb and say, probably not, other than short term satisfaction.

The more and more we continue to return to the present moment, the more we can find satisfaction in the now, and not look to the future for safety & security.  As time only exists in the now, we will only ever receive exactly what we need in the now.  Safety & security is simply an illusion we have been breed to believe exists.  A ‘what if’ mentally that is based on future problems and implications.  But if we are focusing on the future as a problem, with potential issues to prepare for, what are we really creating for ourselves?  A fear based living in the now!  Detaching from our abundance and the universe supplying exactly what we need in this moment, here and now.

The Job.  Long Service Leave.  Maternity Leave.  The retirement fund.  Owning the house.

Do acquiring these items invite you to live your greatest life?

Are they an expression of your creativity?  You’re souls purpose in this lifetime?  Do they give you a sense of satisfaction like no other?  Perhaps they do?

I look at where I sit now in my life.

Since arriving in Bali 2.5 months ago, I have had to move into complete surrender around what I thought I was creating for my life.

I thought I was going to settle in Canada with the boy that I love.  I thought I might build a successful online business which in time progresses into a retreat centre in the woods on Vancouver Island.

I thought, I thought, I thought.  Then Bali.  Bali wasn’t part of the plan.  Not how I thought anyway!

In creating attachment to an outcome, to an idea, we create something incongruent within ourselves.  An expectation.  Cords & pulls towards something we feel we are entitled too.  When that outcome is not met, we feel a sense of loss, an emptiness at something lost, that we didn’t actually have in the first place.  Strange isn’t it?

So if there is no expectation.  More a presence & expanse with living in the now, then there can be no disappointment.  There can only be what is.  A co-creation with the universe & a gratitude for what exists in the now.

The caterpillar doesn’t think – “I’m going to become a butterfly!”
He embarks on this journey because the call is pulling him forth.
He knows that he needs to do this, so he simply does it.
He surrenders.Living in the now
He moves forth without expectation.
Taking one step at a time.
He shows up.
He is not attached to any outcome.
He is here.
He is only here.
We can learn a lot from watching nature and her rhythms.

Living in the now.

 

Our internal thoughts can appear to be a maze of corners, dead ends, expansive openings and whatever else you may not want to look at.
Having the support of someone guiding your delicate infrastructure can bring forth deep clarity.
Contact Heidi via email or message with your curious life questions.
www.heidifirth.com or www.facebook.com

Being your own guru – within your family unit…

Well let me tell you, I’m sure this topic has been years in the making!

I left New Zealand when I was a mere 20 years old.  Bright eyed and bushy tailed – ready to take on the world.

I had a one way ticket to London, England and all I knew was that I had a 2 year working Visa and was booked on a 14 day Contiki tour.

Today, some 16 years later, I sit here, back home in Te Awamutu, New Zealand, and reflect on this journey that has proceeded me.

I do know that on some level I left NZ in search of something, and through my travels, I discovered that that something was myself.  I have found myself, and so perhaps this is why I now find myself home.

My story reminds me of the book – Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist.
If you haven’t heard of it, click the link above, or read the copied text below from Amazon.com;

“Brazilian storyteller Paulo Coehlo introduces Santiago, an Andalusian shepherd boy who one night dreams of a distant treasure in the Egyptian pyramids. And so he’s off: leaving Spain to literally follow his dream.

Along the way he meets many spiritual messengers, who come in unassuming forms such as a camel driver and a well-read Englishman. In one of the Englishman’s books, Santiago first learns about the alchemists–men who believed that if a metal were heated for many years, it would free itself of all its individual properties, and what was left would be the “Soul of the World.” Of course he does eventually meet an alchemist, and the ensuing student-teacher relationship clarifies much of the boy’s misguided agenda, while also emboldening him to stay true to his dreams. “My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer,” the boy confides to the alchemist one night as they look up at a moonless night.

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself,” the alchemist replies. “And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.” –Gail Hudson –“

So here I am in my Mum & her husbands home.  Feeling like the 20 something year old I was when I left, likely less an ego than then.  Perhaps I have reached a crux in my quest, where I can no longer continue the way that I was. Very much an independent traveler, determined to change the world all on my own.  Though I have learnt that this is not possible.  One person changing the world is no small feat, nor is it likely possible.

Being home in a family unit brings a new set of challenges I have avoided most of my adult life.  Feeling and acknowledging the family wounds.  It has been easy (in a sense), to travel the world alone and acknowledge my own self and the experiences that have come to make me unique.  Everything that I have written in my blog to date has likely been a glimpse into my inner workings and what has supported me to unlock who I am and my gifts to the world.

What are these gifts worth when they are hidden behind a computer screen, behind words, behind a fancy website (not that mine is), behind branding and a perception one wishes to be viewed by the world?  I don’t know?  Perhaps a lot, perhaps nothing, perhaps something?

These are my thoughts as I sit here.  Perhaps healing the world isn’t necessarily about what I project out into my Social Media.  Perhaps is lays in the challenge & familiar/unfamiliar ground of being me where it all began?  What a concept that is!  Slotting back into my family unit.  Mum, Sister, Nieces + Nephew – to teach what I have learnt.  To create a new paradigm for family relationships and interactions.  When friends and family are the most important cards on our tables, do we really give them the value that we so think they hold?

Spending hours at a job we may not really enjoy, simply to get the pay cheque at weeks end.  What fulfillment is there when this is what we align too?  How many hours of the week are lost to something that is passionless, or a mere gateway?

I’m not suggesting throwing it all in on reading of my words, but simply invite enquiry of what is it that invokes passion and life!  I sit here reflecting on this very question today.  So I’m not saying I have the answers.  I definately have the questions and am open to the answers – as I KNOW there is another way.  I just know it in my soul.  I didn’t come here to work in a job being unfulfilled.  I came here for a reason, for a purpose.  I want to LOVE my life, and love every moment of it.  Even the tough stuff.  And right now, I will admit, I am in a seemingly interesting situation;

36 years old and living at home with my Mum, unemployed.
But you know what?  That is one way to look at it.
Another way; I have spent 16 years living away from my family – I am now living with & spending quality time with my Mother & family – who I love & adore – I have the opportunity to help her with tasks & such, and in between, I get to write and reflect – plant seeds + create – which I LOVE!

Pretty sweet huh?!

I think so.

Here’s to unfolding new ways of living & being in this world. <3

being your own guru within your family unit

Why I question EVERYTHING!

For the love of god!

Question EVERYTHING!

A few conversations have popped up at work recently where I hear people answer;

“they said we can’t”
“we’re not allowed too”, or variations of these sentences.

I always like to reply back to this statement with;

“why?”
“who is ‘they’?”
“what is the reason?”

Working within a company who values Entrepreneurship – I don’t hear entrepreneurship within these words.

I very rarely use this word to describe someone, unless they are a truly awakened individual, inspiring change and walking their talk – leading by example.

I believe one who is, to be a free thinker, one who lives outside the box, one who doesn’t conform to the norm, who makes their own rules as they go and is not afraid of what anybody else thinks about what they do.  They stand out from the crowd, they will be the leader out in front – making the noise – pissing others off – or raising the crowd to cheers!

I guess why I’m bring this topic up, is I am finding myself beginning to think like this now.  I question everything, and agree with very little these days.  I am not so quick to agree for the sake of being pleasant and keeping the boat afloat, I am becoming more and more comfortable with disagreeing and expressing my view on why I don’t agree.

I have been finding it interesting, observing myself standing out more & more, shining my sense of freedom for being able to chose.  I still feel I have some final shackles to shake, but the light is at the end of the tunnel of this awakening journey – I can see it.  It is in the form of Bali – in one months time.

This is THE awakening process – awakening to our freedom and free thought.  There are conspiracy theories of mind control through the media, food & every other means.  Our senses have been dormant for centuries and now with the awakening of souls across the globe, there is a grand shift concurring.  There is no denying it.  It is seen in Wayne Dyers’ Movie – The Shift, Blogs & You Tube videos across the internet, social media feeds – books, banners, posters, serendipitous moments.

The information is available to all who are ready.  It only takes a simple question, to align your intention to attract in the very tools that you need.

To question anything in life, paves way for a fork in our road.  Keep taking the path you’ve always taken, and remain safe, comfortably uncomfortable.  Or take the new path, that is unwritten, unexplored, diving deep into the depths of your soul & purpose.  Come head to head with your fears that mask your greatest gifts and deepest desires.  Live a life so fulfilling you cannot even begin to imagine it!

I took that turn, down the unknown path.  It has been dark, uncomfortable and confronting.  Though there is a knowing in my heart & soul that it is RIGHT.  Nothing can shake this.  I know that I am ploughing my way through the debris that has kept this path hidden, but in time, the light will shine through, brighter than it has every shone before.

I might call this Bali, as my trip is booked & I am off to be embraced by her again, but this is merely just the beginning!

I will be stepping forth into the unknown, jumping with both feet and arms into the air, calling upon the whole universe to catch me and carry me forward.  I co-create this life with its magic, and know that I have been creativity orchestrated to shine my light, inspiring others to follow.  My life & its design is unique and like no other.  I have a perfect set of circumstances that will support others to open to the gifts within theirs.

As I have written before;

“The journey inward may not be a comfortable one, but it sure beats being unhappy, and is a heck of a lot more soul satisfying.”